Saturday, May 01, 2004
met carol lai yesterday.
so qiao. met her in united square toilet. wah... was walking out after washing my hands and bumped into her, she was just going into one of the cubicles. sigh... haha... wat a weird place to meet.
she looks the same, pretty as ever. haha... still remember my sec 1 crush on her. hahaha. so mobid man, vic, jess and i wld run after kristy, junice and carol. OH HA HA. the things we used to do man. haha.
but it was nice to talk to her, s'pore's so small man! looking at her, she grad from smu already. first batch i think. wah... life has passed so fast man. no more innocent mg days where we'll just run around and scream. haha... no more zao ge-ing on the floor when we sit, no more legged rocking chairs. she's 23, i'm 21. oh how time flies. i ain't 13 anymore. gosh.
it was just nice seeing her lar.
today's service was alright. the EJ 144 was in meleka for a retreat. something abt entering tabanecka. hum... shall go find out abt that. souds familiar though.
anyway, today's the first time in a long time that i responded to the alter call. i always felt paiseh to go out. it seems like a lost of face and super paiseh to respond. but after weeks and weeks of running away from God, this week, i went up.
sometimes i always wonder why God want things this and that way. sometimes i question authority. but serene's cell on monday spoke to me. follow first. the reason will come later. God doesn't want me to crash and burn. He indeed has a purpose. so obey and the reasons will surface later. obey, means immediate response. not saying "hey God, wait ar, let me pray abt it"... and partial obedience is disobedience. there's no such thing as i follow wat i like, don't follow wat i don't. when God speaks, obey and follow. not obeying is actually disobedience.
so yes, i walked up to the alter, knelt down. the first steps i took, i know that God will take the rest. all i need to do is to take the first step forward, to make a public declaration of my faith, to humble myself before the Lord, to sacrifice myself unto the living Lord. God can only use a humbled man, not one full of pride and selfish desires.
the minute i knelt down, i felt the presence of God. it wasn't overwhelming, but i knew He was there. and as i opened my hands to receive, i felt my tears falling onto my open hands. this reminded me of Jesus's blood that was dripping when He was on the cross. every drop, precious in truth and symbolism, and with every drop, i told God that i was willing, that i run back to him.
this is a new start for me. i am a part time student, a full time servant of the living Lord that i serve. i serve not because i'm forced to, but cos that's wat make God happy. obey his word and follow. i want to do that. i want to see my 12 and my 12's 12. i look to serene for inspiration not only in her career, but in her spiritual walk as well. gosh. if i ever attain her level, i think i might become a nun. still... she's too holy man. i can't even get past a sentence with out a damn, shit or fuck. haha... but i'm changing. i can not say vulgarities, i can flee from vices, but all these while, i never wanted to change. but now i do.
i want to serve.
~ 1 cross + 3 nails = 4given ~
