Tuesday, March 30, 2004
feeling gd today:
1) collected my camera. damn the $150. i've got my camera back
2) collected my air ticket for UK. 15th dec-30th dec. yay babby!
3) managed to do all this in 1.5hr cos pop changed his flight back time. haha. i'm good man.
4) i've got myself a new bitch. yay!
ok. didn't wake up at 8am as planned. AGAIN! damn it. maybe shld just stay up late and study. yes.
ok, can't talk long then, just happy that things are going my way today. will continue with my financial. hopefully can finish CML and SML today.
Monday, March 29, 2004
"The god of this age has blinded the minds of unbelievers, so that they cannot see the light of the gospel of the glosry of Christ, who is the image of God.
For we do not preach ourselves, but Jesus Christ as Lord, and ourselves as your servants for Jesus Christ's sake.
For God, who said, "Let light shine out of the darkness," made his light shine in our hearts to give us the light of knowledge of the glory of God, in the face of Christ.
But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in dispair, persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.
We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body.
For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus's sake, so that his life may be revealed in our mortal body.
So then, death is at work in us, but life is at work in you."
~2 CORNINTHIANS 4:4-12
ALL OF MY DAYS
proclaim your awesome power
tell your mighty deeds
declare your future kingdom
of everlasting peace
and my eyes they look unto you always
and i am captureed by your majesty
all of my days
i will sing of your greatness
all of my days
i will sing of your grace
all of my days
i will tell of your wonderous love
your love in my life
your love
all your works will praise you
your children bless your name
we speak of all your goodness
we walk in fields of grace
I am a Sagittarius.
(Also known as "Archer")
My Horroscope starts like this:
" Usually a Sagittarius will come off as a blissfully happy idiot. In most cases, this first impression will prove accurate. His moronic enthusiasm cannot be dampened by anything - not even by a cinder block falling on his head. " (Read more | Find yours)
Sunday, March 28, 2004
i'm not feeling good.
woke up sweating and this only happens when...
1)i'm got a fever
2)i'm getting a fever
3)i'm pms-ing
4)i'm stage 2 pms
damn. no mood to study. even though i did my exam plan last night. doesn't seem that i will stick much to it. damn. albin was helping me with re-designing my blog. and i did some stuff after he helped and guess wat? i didn't save the changes!! damn. how cockster can i get man. haha. but THANKS albin. i really owe u one.
hum... albin. let me write a tribute to albin. albin's very nice. my fav msn kakhi. even though i only got to know albin this year, maybe 10 weeks ago, i've found out that he's really really nice and a REAL person. yup, he can drop everything to help me, esp. when i started screaming when i had to fix the camera or vet through 20pgs of our work. not to mention the late nights encouraging me to relac one corner,.... haha... yes, so albin has been my semi pillar of support for the past few weeks. oh, AND he always offers to sends me back if it's on the way. even though i don't think it's on the way. haha... so paiseh. only know u so short while then forver sitting in ur car. at least u don't bang me around like suhong. haha. but THANKS ALBIN. u're been a massive pal! and even though u have a VERY IRRITATING habit of irritating me with hua hweeeeeeeee, it's ok, kan zai wo men de you qing shang, i forgive... haha. let me repeat myself... impossible!hahahha....
ok, now to think abt my exams. first paper on the 12th. ain't doing crap abt it. since it's m&o, i've not attend a single lecture ever since school started, cos of webcast. best. so that's one subject that i need to catch up. next paper is financial, which i can say i'm 60% three, so i need to pia another 50% so i can get my 110& (A+)...haha... next is econometrics. stats?! crap. totally need to put in SO SO much effort cos well, i know shit and my midterm was below average. damn. macro? i did well for the mid term, but with pple like yunita getting full marks, damn. i need to get my A. ok, so that's 50% more. game theory's the only one that i've been consistant throughout. really do all the readings and text and tutorials, and assigment got full marks, and i got a whole week to prepare for it later.
ok. that's my plan. i've got to juggle church and tuition with my studies, but i think i'll stop tuition from the study weeek onwards. haha. yes, that's the only thing i have to sacrifice. can't sacrifice the first one can i?! nope. i shall put in my effort and God will bless the rest. watever the results, i'll leave it up to him either to punish or reward me. hahha. hee.
ok, my plan was to go to the gym and run, but i woke up and mummy disappeared with the car... humf. ok, maybe i shld just go run my usual route. hum... okok, yea shld do that. i tell u, the amt of chocolate i ate this week. gosh. calbury shld give me a membership or something. hahahaha. pimples are going to come out and i'm going to put on more weight man. damn.
fat.
Friday, March 26, 2004
woke up late. damn. set my alarm for 8am- going to run... but then i woke up at 11, just nice for 12's game theory lec.
supposed to have lunch with my m&o group. but it somehow just ended up no one turned up. loittering in arts canteen talking with the gang and invited them to "the passion". surprisingly, kev and alvan just said yea they wanna go. woohoo! hopefully this will be a platform for me! i hope that God will touch them as well. have a few other friends on the top of my head, but will ask them when the time is right.
tuition. urgh... rachel's nice enough. but sometimes i think we talk more than we do work. which is bad. good for me actually cos i do less work for the same amt of money. haha. who cares. but i actually am getting attached to rachel. she's nice enough, mgs girl, friend of my SO many other friends. oh well. anyway, today's pay day. WOOHOO. enuff said.
got home, ate my usual plate of veg... realised that i didn't have anything the whole day, but arh... it was alright. then check movie times. was going out to watch a show but i really didn't feel like it...but oh well. nmind. turns out there was only scooby doo2. wat a cock show. but oh well. who cares.
anyway, hh came around 9.45 even though he said he'll come at 9.30. late as usual. in the end we decided that we won't going to catch a show, so we ended up chilling at embargo. it's been a long time since i had a lychee martini. mumm... yum. anyway, it was nice talking to him, we had common topics and the both of us can just crap. basically same wavelength i guess.
that's the thing abt me, i can talk to anyone and seem friendly enough. i wonder whether i'm too impressionable, too naive to talk to people abt anything. he actually asked me who are my friends... and then he asked me whether i had friends that when it came to the cruntch, wld i have ANY one to stand by me... and i had to think. i guess joyce, renyi would. addy? maybe. and then? that's all. i guess i don't really have much close friends...
that's the thing abt me, i like my indepence. i'm not the "eh, i'm going to the toilet, u wanna go" kind. i need my space, pretty much a loner, so i guess i choose to lead a un-friend-ly life. hahah. i mean, my family's there for me, church, and God... so i mean, i don't really need that many close friends... right?
and then we started talking abt r/ships. he got me talking abt kc... and hearing myself, i know i sound a tad bit bitter abt the r/ship. but still.... the only reason why i opened up to him was cos he finally talked abt his breakup. for the past few days it was just "i don't wanna talk abt it", "go away" mood. but today, while we were standing together at the s'pore river... he started telling me abt the breakup and how things where btw him and angie. i guess i can relate to him. but i guess he just needed a listening ear. so there i was, just listening.
this was the same spot rt and i stood years ago, even b4 the esplanade was up, even b4 there was anything near one fullerton. this was where he got down on bended knees and started singing to beg me back. and a few months later, this was where he chose su-lyn over me.
this was the same spot that kc and i stood, a year ago, where he told me that he loved me, that he can't promise me anything, but watever it is, we'll be friends. are we? wat are my feelings towards him now? i know i might sound bitter abt the whole thing but... i honestly did love him then.
this was the same spot where i lashed out at jing after finding out that she and kc had an affair behind my back. how can kc have feelings for jing when he was with me?! and how cld jing not have told me? and how cld she have told everyone else but me?! wat was that all abt?
and i think abt friends... what's the pt of having friends or bfs when in the end, nothing's written in stone? they'll turn on u sooner or later, so it's no pt. yea, i have seasonal friends, friends that i'm damn gum one moment, and not so the other. my family will always be there for me, and no matter how screwed up i can be, my mummy and daddy will always be there for me. so i'm starting to realise the importance of family. yes, they're the only ones that never leaves.
and as for joyce or ry ... i mean, i know joyce and i will ALWAYS be there for each other. maybe just not physically, but i know that i'll always be there for her, but i'm not too sure abt the other way. renyi? i mean, ry will always be there for me. but what happens once he gets another gf? how can i still be as close to him then? i wldn't wanna bother him too much then. and it wldn't be nice to his gf as well. i don't wanna be mistaken for some 3rd party man. no wayz.
so after a whole session of talking/reflecting on life, i came to the conclusion that... nothing's material. nothing will last forever. so wat's the pt? the one that i can honestly say that i loved more than life itself didn't feel the same way. maybe thinking abt it now, it might seem immature, or watever, but .... aiyar. i don't wanna think abt it anymore.
anyway, this is ONE thing that freaked me out.
i was talking abt kc and his sister, iorea (dunno how to spell) and then hh eyes opened REALLY really big. apparently allan ooi went out with a girl called iorea b4. WTF. ok, so hh go calls allan at like 2.30am... and asks what's iorea's surname... bloody hell. it's CHUA lor. HOW FREAKINGLY COINCIDENTAL CAN THAT GET?!!!
hh has officially named me his friendster central post.
oh well. and then he asked why i was single. hum... i've not met the right one... or maybe, i'm not even looking. judging by my past record, it seems that it doesn't work cos they're all jerks. my fault? how can it be my fault when they all left me for another? it's not as if i was so terrible that they had to look for love somewhere else. wth.
so maybe then it's me. maybe it's the "recruitment criteria" haha. maybe i didn't do the correct or appropriate character profiling, or my selection criteria is just skewed. oh well. i guess love will come one day. if not... well... guess i can always be one of those that will own like 100 cats or something.
COOL.
new word for today
RIGHT. word for tom.
BASICALLY, there's a new word everyday.
watever.
Tuesday, March 23, 2004
crap. i'm feeling down again. and it's not just pms
i just called the casio people today and asked how much the repairs will cost. apparently it's going to cost all of the $150 that they quoted. damn. i was secretly hoping that they might charge less, cos they said they needed to see wat was wrong with him. DAMN.
apparently the whole LCD inside cracked. damn. now i know how fragile it is. bitch. grr, and the worst thing is, it's not my fault!!!!! fine, i have a delayed reaction since thursday but i was hoping that there was maybe only a minor tick or circuit flaw. DAMN IT.
well, i know i was going to get a new camera, but now wasn't the time lor. and i know i have the money to do it, but ... well... money can always be better spent. like... getting something new that i want or don't have rather than spending it fixing something that i didn't break. grr........
nmind, think i might just go ahead and fix it lar. pop might offer to pay, but nah... i hate asking them for money. it just seems wrong. crap. like i'm so old ready still wanna kao them for every little thing. that's why i give tuition, cos i don't want to ask them for money. yhow to ask them for money when they're bogged down with loans here and there, plus ren's in the-not-very-cheap UK for the next 6 years?!!?!!!! how to open money and ask them??!!! yea, i get money for my monthly allowance, but it's not enough lor. haha... maybe i shld start packing bread to school to save for that camera. haha. no lar, i don't think it's that serious. hiyar, $150 is no biggie lar. cld be worst i guess.
so yea, i think if i compare myself with some of my other friends i'm really much better off ready. so i shld look at the bigger picture (excuse the pun)... and be joyful that i HAD a camera, and i took so many wonderful pics with it!! haha. jiu de bu qu, xin de bu lai.
yes, i finally told mummy and she didn't really scream, just asked me to ask the guy who dropped it to pay lar... then i asked her which was better, to repair it or to get a new one, then she was like just repair it lar, $150 only.
come to think of it, yea lar, it's $150 only. cld be worst right? somemore i got it as a pressent. so technically it was free. hiyar. heck it lar, i shld just go fix it then. i'll go do it on fri.
ok. happier. think i shld just go bathe now. wash away my bad mood and start afresh to study!!
Monday, March 22, 2004
LOVER OF MY HEART
All i want is to see ur face
All i need is a moment of grace
It's in you that i have the faith
To stand up and be strong
Cause i know i'm no longer bound
It's in you that i have found
Peace of mind
Freedom from my sin
and the power to love and forgive
i want to walk with you everyday of my life
to talk with you in the good and the strife,
you're my friend, you're my father,
for all time
Nothing can keep us apart
You're the lover of my heart
i'm tired. and that's after sleeping the most of sunday away.
1.30pm - woke up
1.30-2.45pm - lunch
2.45-3.40 - sleep
4-6 tuition
6.30- buy bread from stupid mobil, have to queue up so long
7.15- fetch pop from club ... i'm reallly ahmad!
8-dinner
10-sleep
4.10am next day - woke up.
wah. i just counted, i've been awake for a total of 8hrs today. BEST.
i'm such a pig. urgh.
ok, better go actually do something. need to do some work!!!!
Sunday, March 21, 2004
Jeremiah 1:4-10
The word of the Lord came to me, saying, "Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations."
"Ah, Soveriegn Lord," I said, "I do not know how to speak; I am only a child."
But the Lord said to me, "Do not say `I am only a child` You must go to everyone I send you to and say whatever I command you. Do not be afraid of them of them, for I am with you and will rescue you," declares the Lord.
Then the Lord reached out his hand and touched my mouth and said to me, "Now, I have put my words in your mouth. See, today I appoint you over nations and kingdoms to uproot and tear down, to destroy and overthrow, to build and to plant."
v17 "Get yourself ready! Stand up and say to them whatever I command you. Do not be terrified by them, or I will terrify you before them. Today I have made you a fortified city, an iron pillar and a bronze wall to stand against the whole land - against the kings of Judah, its officials, its priests and the people of the land. They will fight against you but will not overcome you, for I am with you and will rescue you," declares the Lord.
Saturday, March 20, 2004
You are a PHOENIX in your soul and your
wings make a statement. Huge and born of flame,
they burn with light and power and rebirth.
Ashes fall from your wingtips. You are an
amazingly strong person. You survive, even
flourish in adversity and hardship. A firm
believer in the phrase, 'Whatever doesn't kill
you only makes you stronger,' you rarely fear
failure. You know that any mistake you make
will teach you more about yourself and allow
you to 'rise from the ashes' as a still greater
being. Because of this, you rarely make the
same mistake twice, and are not among the most
forgiving people. You're extremely powerful and
wise, and are capable of fierce pride, passion,
and anger. Perhaps you're this way because you
were forced to survive a rough childhood. Or
maybe you just have a strong grasp on reality
and know that life is tough and the world is
cruel, and it takes strength and independence
to survive it. And independence is your
strongest point - you may care for others, and
even depend on them...but when it comes right
down to it, the only one you need is yourself.
Thus you trust your own intuition, and rely on
a mind almost as brilliant as the fire of your
wings to guide you.You are eternal and because
you have a strong sense of who and what you
are, no one can control your heart or mind, or
even really influence your thinking. A symbol
of rebirth and renewal, you tend to be a very
spiritual person with a serious mind - never
acting immature and harboring a superior
disgust of those who do. Likewise, humanity's
stupidity and tendency to want others to solve
their problems for them frustrates you
endlessly. Though you can be stubborn,
outspoken, and haughty, I admire you greatly.
Image Source:
http://images.google.com/imgres?imgurl=stp.ling.uu.se/~klasp/phoenix.gif&imgrefurl=http://stp.ling.uu.se/~klasp/&h=938&w=504&sz=405&tbnid=QH4S82XoWIsJ:&tbnh=145&tbnw=78&prev=/images%3Fq%3Dphoenix%26imgc%3Dcolor%26svnum%3D10%26hl%3Den%26lr%3D%26ie%3DUTF-8%26oe%3DUTF-8%26sa%3DG
*~*~*Claim Your Wings - Pics and Long Answers*~*~*
brought to you by Quizilla
wah kaoZ, that was the longest time i ever took home from the club. crazy. luckily i wasn't in a hurry to get home or need to pee or something man.
pop was driving really fast out of the club, and mummy told him to slow down, like crazy ar, drive so fast. so pop gui lan now lar... he drove really slow. u can't imagine how FREAKING slow he drove ok. it was crawling on the left lane ok. REALLY. wtf. i took a look at the meter and it was 40km/h. WTF. i drove faster when i was learning. pls, if i drove like him, i wld have failed my driving for road hogging ok. wth.
so now everyone's pissed at everyone else. alex at mummy, pop at mum, mum at pop. me? i was pissed at the whole world already the whole week, so i think today's my break day. besides, i had a fantastic church service. that perked my day.
arrived at church office an hour late. damn it. but had school so bo pian. and i was rushing my macro tutorial too. haha. everyone siam 20cents today. nobody let him copied man. felt bad too cos i was copying addy's work, but hey, at least i did some of it ok. i know i shld have started the tutorial earlier rather than the night b4, but i had other things more pressing. sigh. but i tried ok. last night really studied till i peng ok. sigh. going to be like that for another few weeks. but it's ok, i know i can do it cos my God's with me. yes!
so far this has been the nicest time working in the office. serene came over to talk to me abt working life and how i can never comprimise God. i am thankful, grateful and i know that i am very blessed. after meeting the rest of the interns yesterday, it was truely a miracle that i got in. really. it wasn't by my effort, but through God. i give it up to God. honestly. serene said that God gives and God takes away. i know it's true, but i hope that like Abraham, i can give up issac, give him to God. really hope i can, and i'll never comprimise my piorities. i see the blessings that God has blessed not only serene, but the others in cell as well. truely God is doing a great work and i'm glad that i can be a small part of it.
during service, pastor shared that during the last weekend encounter, that when the whole group of them prayed, they felt God's presence's so strongly. and when they opened their eyes, all of them had gold dust on their hands!! awsome! God has manifested himself from the intangible to the tangible to not only touch those present but also to affirm and strengthened those that already believe in Him. Amen! we serve a good God.
we had a guest speaker, pastor something that was in charge of the fever21 movement. and his message spoke to me. he said that God is working in wonderous ways and opening doors, giving opportunities and opening doors that we never felt possible. and yes, how true! on tues, renyi suddenly talked to me abt his beliefs in christianity. and being so close to him, i found it akward to share the gospel with him, but truely, he initiated the conversation and all. i was able to share my little testimony with him and i hope that he will get to know Jesus as not only his saviour and Lord, but also as a friend!
and just before going to church today, when i was sitting in the canteen with the whole gang, alvan just asked me, "tan ah, why are u a christian ah?" woah. this was a topic that we never approached, and i know i felt it hard to open my mouth to them. but here was alvan, after 2 yrs of knowing me, asking me to share with him. AWSOME! God has answered my prayers, giving my the opportunity to share with him, and even though it was only sharing, i now know he's open and this is a small step to something bigger. i can feel it. God is stiring in me a passion. i don't have passion to reach out to the PRCs, to strangers, but wat i have is the passion to reach out to people that matter to me, the people that i care abt! yes, i want to see them saved, serve the same Lord as me and find the peace and everlsating life that i have in Jesus. i claim the promises that the Lord has promised me, and i proclaim that his kingdom come!!
it's amazing! God works in wonderous ways. and the pastor also said that this is not the time to slack, to bucker up our courage to open our mouths to just spread the gospel cos we will be amazed of the reaction that we might receive! why limit God when He is the almighty that cannot to put in a box?! God is infinite, so don't say anything is impossible, cos WITH GOD, ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE!! AMEN!!
i am going to ask renyi to come with me for service this sat, and i am going to share with alvan this week. i will continue to pray for their openness and that the Lord will touch them. my aim is not to convert them into one of those city harvest believes, but wat i am praying for is a touch from God, to at least let them know that there is a God and His presence is here.
i believe, i claim and i pray that the Lord's will be done, in my life and those that surround me!!
breathe in, breathe out
it's 5am and i've finished 1 question on my macro tutorial. i have 3 more, 2 more chapters to read.
and i can afford to take a break to write this. i think i'm crazy. or lazy. hey that rhymes, who cares.
hh woke me up at 12+. idiot. wanted to send me the photos on msn, so i got up. anyway good also cos i forgot to set my alarm. ASS. sent me photos of him and bryan and stuff.... haha... funny lar. bryan's really cute... but considering our history... ahahah... hiyar, who cares.
kevin was nice enough to offer help on my macro tutorial. but i hate copying. i rather do my work, dunno then ask, i think tom i'll just be copying lor. damn it. i hate doing that. well, 20cent called to borrow my tutorial to copy. can't think of a good lie to tell him so i think i'll just siam him tom. damn it. i hate lying, being sneaky and all. urgh.
oh, ry called me back. talked for a while b4 he went out again. went clubbing i think. hiyar... oh well... he has decided that he can afford to be a kept man during my 10 week work week. ASS. haha... told him that i'll finally start paying for our dinners if he promises to be my driver. haha. he said that he was already my driver. haha... who cares.
yay, going to start work soon, the money's real good,.... sigh... the am of work is going to be a hell of alot lor. damn it. but good exposure. i appreciate it. really thankful that i got through. considering the pple that were there. they did attachments all over the world, know so much more than me... i really wonder how i made it through. thank God man. there's only one way to explain it. devine intervention. yippie yay
think my eyebags are going to start reaching the floor ready.
i wonder whether i shld wear specs tom
i wonder whether i shld give up and copy. nah. not my style. i'll rather run till i drop and crawl to the finish line than to cry mercy. ain't no way is this missy giving up... not without a fight at least.
stillbreathing?
breathe in, breathe out...
Thursday, March 18, 2004
today is one of those peh peh peh days.
i'm depressed cos my camera kenna smashed. ok, maybe not smashed but it was dropped from pretty high, ok, maybe just from a chair. but still. damn it. my heart dropped man. crap. it ain't a g-shock or nalgene bottle lor. it's a casion ex-slim. DAMN IT.
i'm tired cos i only slept for one hr b4 my mum called and woke me up for dinner. adn i don't even think i slept. just rolled around in bed cos i cldn't sleep. was thinking too much,
i'm abit concussed cos i sat in a wonderful roller coaster ride today. now i know how it feels like to be clothes in a washing machine.
i'm xian cos i've got econometics due tom, macro on sat, game theory on wed, financial on fri. sigh... why like dat... exams in 4 weeks time and i still need to worry abt handling in tutorial rather than revising (or catching up!) on my work.
i hate my tution kids for screwing up my planned time table. i can plan the whole day around the 2 of them and suddenly they cancel on me. i appreciate the time to do my stuff but ultimately i need to do make up classes which irritate me more. and i'm starting to feel a constrain on my time. between tuition and church, i really don't see time when i can be myself. to just relac one corner and slack.
but i know now isn't the time for it. i need to pia the next 4 weeks to make a good finish for the exams. what's the pt of running the good race when i give up or slow down at the end. no pt. let me just die trying now, and for the 4 months of my hols i can totally be a slack potatoe.
sigh. today isn't my day.
i can see a new pimple on my chin. gross.
i didn't take as much photos as i wanted to. and i'm kinda pissed at the whole world today.
i hate wearing long sleeves to school. my shoes were pretty but they hurt... actually they won't that bad. still can lar.
today just isn't my day man. GRR.
Tuesday, March 16, 2004
today brought mummy out for lunch. crystal jade to eat xiao long bao. yum.... happy. contented. yay... haha... the xiao long bao at crystal jade rocks lor... the one at paragon sucks!!!! haha... nevermind, at least mummy seems to enjoy herself. hee... insisted on buying her lunch cos well...i'm not really at home much or i've not really made an effort of spending time with her... so better now since it's holiday for her... =)
mummy went off earlier, and i stuck around cos i had a doc appointment at 4.20pm... hee, so i went shopping. yay. it's amazing, cos i totally forgot how much i enjoyed shopping! even if it was alone!! haha... i enjoy shopping alone, i can go where i want, see wat i want, try on whatever i want, not buy it in the end cos i look so fat and disgusting!! haha... oh well... nevermind.
first i went to try and get my belt. haha... i never knew i was searching for a belt for so long that even jason laughed when i told him i haven't got my belt yet!! hahahahahahahhah... but it's alright. quite crappy lar, cos i really liked the levis one, but they didn't have size. haha. a length 26" belt is only good for someone who like have a 24" waist lor. and then why wld she need a belt?!! $^#%&%$^@#. angry, some people are just so thin. argh.
so i gave up. finally surcummed to getting the mango belt. it's abit lian, but i guess since it holds my pants up... haha... ok lor... grin. haha, and then addy called me and told me that terance saw me yesterday in the lib and he said i lost weight!! haha... wooppiiiiii!! haha... then i can hear the chorus of him, shaun and thomas in the background! haha... and apparently all of them agreed!! haha... "new chiou bu in school!!" haha. YES. plan A is working. but then again, maybe they think i'm smaller cos all of them put on weight... haha. yes, shaun is starting to grow man tits which addy and i agree that it's pretty disgusting, haha.... it's always during macro lec that we wld stare at him and conspire things that are going on with him and michelle! hahahhahaha... ok, abit bo liao but hey, i'm not the one with man tits. hahaha... evil laugh.
and then i went to charles and keith and i bought 2 pairs of shoes. WOOHOO. i'm so going to kick ass once i start work man... the shoes are REALLY pretty. but those that wld really hurt if i wore those and stepped on someone. damn. but i am pretty good at balancing on heels. but i prefer flats. haha... i prefer fipflops man... can slap slap slap all the way down the stairs!! haha... yippi!! but getting back to my shoes, they're so pretty i bou tahan!! bought a white and brown pair cos i already have a black pair. yay. they seem comfy enough. i just hope that my feet doesn't rebel and give up on me once i start torture them come 10th may! haha... but i think i'll wear those shoes in b4 going on a whole day adventure with them. haha... but they're so SO pretty i cannot take it. and did i mention they were on sale?!! haha... yes, that was the deciding factor in me actually getting them!! haha. yay. no regrets.
wanted to do my eyebrows but josephine wasn't in. damn. nmind, i'll go down on sun when i have the car.
i walked into the skin centre on time, and then i had to take my temperature?! wat?! i thought s'pore's main concern was on bird flu and not sars? grr.... then they gave me a orange sticker that i had to wear. gross. totally didn't go with my purple top today... haha... oh well. nmind.
anyway, didn't have to wait long cos i was on time, and this ah-ma that arrived earlier than me made noise when the doc called me b4 her. pls lor, my appointment earlier than urs, who cares if u came earlier?!! sorry ah ma, today's my day.
wah kao. the doc is damn ex lor. just consultation alone is $50+ sigh... but wat to do, all in the name of vanity. crap. as long as i can go back to how my skin used to be before all the pimples came out... eyerr... hope the exams don't stress me out that much. must remember to take my medicine and drink lots of water!! yes.
stupid ry, i complained to him that i was at the skin centre and they gave me a sticker and that i have a pimple plantation on my face... he said i was a cute xiao mei mei so they gave me a sticker and that i can sell the pimples once my plantation bears fruit. WTF... haha... but funny lar... i've not been talking to him for the past few days. i think the both of us know that we have got to distance ourselves. otherwise... not too healthy to get into these kind of r/ship lar... later anything happen, our friendship how? lost kc ready, can't lose ry... sigh.
anyway, took a cab home, i have a headache. showed mummy my wonderful 2 pairs of shoes. think she thinks i've got alot of money but i totally overspent this month. damn it. need to scrimp and save for the uk trip... haha... oh well... hopefully deutsche bank pays me well.... haha... anything above 1k, i'm contented man! yay!
ok, the weather looks really good, going for my run now. plan A in action!! hopefully i can lose another 5kg by the end of this year. yes. my ideal weight is <50. okok. shall try and aim and hopefully i'll make it there! grin.
oh, did i mention that i found out at cell that ruixin, eunice, chin fern are 42kg?!! wah kao. i also want man. damn it.
Saturday, March 13, 2004
i'm so full.
parent's anniversary so went out and eat dinner. ouch... the whole week dieting and then blew it off today. best. it started raining after church and standing by the side of the road waiting for pop to pick me up. i looked all around me and i cld see the rain, i cld hear the thunder... but somehow or other, i didn't feel the rain. weird. i looked around and i saw people running across the road, carrying umbrella... hum... why wasn't i wet? i looked up and saw that i was standing under a huge tree. hum... i quickly ran across the road and stood in the open. crazy? haha... bien non, cos
1. there was lightning
2. i was standing under a tree
3. s'pore has the highest statical deaths by lightning
i didn't want to take my chance. gosh, wat a horrible way to die man. recently there was this prc that was struck by lightning. poor fellow. though i'm not the biggest chi-na fan, but still... it's not exactly an honourable death.
i wonder how i wld die. i hope i won't drown... can see the headlines, " njc swim captain drowns off shallow waters in sentosa" wah. PAISEH. swimming all my life and wat a way to die. can imagine the body lying in the coffin all bloated and blue and all man. eyeRR...
but jumping off a building the body can still be intact. the mourge can do wonders on plastic surgery man. mick looked perfectly perfect when i saw him during the funeral. poor fellow. i guess that's a taboo topic that no one in the family ever talks about. crap. remembered the family crying and crying and crying all over again. i was just standing there wishing the ren was standing there with me. as quiet as he seems, he'll always have something comforting to say. sigh. can't wait till he's back. 20th june. woohoo. can imagine mum and pop waiting eargerly at the airport gates. but damn it lar, once him comes back... there goes my car. i'll drop from 3rd piority to 4th. damn it.
been noticing vios lately... saw a few on the road today... was sitting in the bus and was looking in on one at the traffic light. it's nice eh... i like the fact that the dials are all skewed to one side... makes it looks like those race cars lei... haha... but then i noticed that the electra's dials are also to one side. hum...maybe it's just toyata cars. sat it one on erm... wed. nice. very comfy, aircon's pretty powerful though! haha... or maybe it was just that it was raining the whole day. carried my golf humongous umbrella and i still got wet! damn it. #%$^^#. maybe i'm just too big. haha. GRR.
don't think there's anyway i can psycho my parents to get me a car. damn it. i envy my friends that have their own cars, some have more doors than others. but that's besides the pt. i suppose if i bug my parents hard and long enough i'll be ABLE to get a car. but still. i don't feel good asking them for a car, or money, crap, for anything! i give tuition cos i don't think i shld ask them for money, i try and make do with watever pocket money they give me. but that ain't alot. pop still lives in the era when mee pok noodles are 50cents. damn. mum complains i'm high maintance. i'm not!! i used to, i admit, but i'm much better now. haha. ok, i'm improving! i still wished that my future job scope wld include a ahmad driver, majong, medi and pedicures, big permed hair and canto pop kara ok. hahhahahah... nah. i'm a career woman. those that wld be in power suits and be labelled ice bitches. woohoo. i'm ready to kill. woohoo.
anyway, i think i've digressed.
getting back to my parents. i look at them and i wonder how did they stay (happily?) married for 23 yrs. i know i've seen moments when my parents r/ship have been rocky, or when divorce was even on the rocks. but still, they stuck through. for us? for themselves? i dunno... but i do hope that when i get married, i do hope that it'll only be once. i honestly do believe in a fairy tale wedding and marriage. i know that ONE day, my prince charming will come and sweep me off my feet. hahaha. i believe so at least.
but how can i, when i've NEVER been in a long r/ship. hey, i'm not the one that has problems committing. sure, i've learnt alot of things along the way, with lg, jt, rt, kc... i guess u can minus lg and jt lar. but with rt i learnt to let go. and with kc i learnt to commit. but i guess the things i learnt either came too late or with the whole one.
wtf. addy just told me that shiyi's at kc's place at a party. hum. how small is this world man. damn it. a part of me still hates him, but the other part just can't be bothered. i mean... what he did to me. DAMN it. he shld have felt my wrath like rt did, but no... i just let him go gracefully into another arms. bitch. haizZZ, forget abt the tinis and tanis. i give up.
ry still hasn't sms me back. damn it. angry liao. eat my cheesecake and ran. ASS.
ok, think i better start getting back to editing my group report. want to make it all nice nice considering i didn't make it S/U. ok, must get A+...
damn i'm a perfectionist. damn it.
today met up with one of my long lost childhood friend. it's amazing that the minute we saw each other we recognised each other... haha. first time met up with her after maybe 8 yrs at IVP swimming last year. gosh. still the same. f
irst i heard the voice. then the laughter. then the shrill screams. cld it be?! haha... yes, turned around and i saw her... haha... my buddy during swim training all about 15 yrs ago. been training with her in jcc ever since we were kids. haha... even bathed together and shared a can of 100plus after training ok... best friends man. haha...
and then besides changing hp number then, we also added icq and friendster! haha... and today was finally the first time we went out, met for dinner at chinatown. and i was half an hour late! damn it. the traffic was crawling. super snail speed xia. haha... but interesting place to meet lar, chinatown. apparently she's working in a law firm around the area. WAH. pple working ready and i'm still in school studying my butt off... grr.
seems like we cld talk abt any and everything. haha... not bad, can click xia. we took some photos and i think if i compare it to those when we were 5 yrs old... haha... i might die of laughter man... hee. amazing how old friends can just hit it off again dispite the lasp in time! haha... really happy to have dinner with her.
then we started talking abt bfs, r/ships and stuff. hum... then she started getting all excited and then wanted to bring me to some "special" shop... haha... ok lor, go lor... turns out she brought me to 2 condom shops and 1 gay shops. and she "educated" me on these things. eyeRR.... pollute innocent little me. damn it. i'm not pure anymore. damn. though i must say that the gay shop WAS interesting. never been inside any of these shops before!
and then there was the after dinner entertainment!
william hung.
uncut, uncensored, untalented.
haha... that guy's a classical man. totally enjoyed the show. bestest performance yet. i've nothing to say abt that. classic si bo...
*~*
made cheesecake this afternoon. just took it out of the mold and tried it. hum... tastes different from the last time i made, but that's cos there wasn't any strawberries. damn. not in season or something like that. grr... cold storage, the store and more?! no lor, starwberries also dun have. damn.
cut a huge piece for renyi. was supposed to send it over to his place, but he came over in the end to take it. ahhaa... and he came from rochor, so he gave me tau hui. haha. yes, trade off... grin. freddie was in the car too, damn, the 2 of them damn retarded, i cann't take it. 2 idiots in the car, like "dude, where's my car?"... haha...
renyi cut his hair. eyeRRR.... gone are his jay chou days. haha... he says he looks like andy lau. haha. yea right. and he had a shirt that said "if u think i'm gd, u shld see me naked" haha... i looked at him and said no lor... haha... ego crushed xia! hahah............
stupid idiot supposed to go his place and watch futurama, but then fred and him having a PS2 showdown... haha... ok, shan't interupt them then. haha... fine fine. leave the girl out of it lor. FINE.
i bang lor. haha... straw. STRAW
Tuesday, March 09, 2004
i have officially been offered a spot for an internship stint at deutsche bank.
WOOHOO.
need i say more?! the joy i had was ... undescrible. then guess wat happened?
"big deal". these 2 words just shattered me. gosh. and it comes more hurting when it's from someone like my dad. damn it. i really wanted to cry but held back my tears in front of my tuition kid. damn it.
came back, called ry at night and cried to him. he just listened patiently, tried to consol me and then played me a song on his guitar... yay.
Man of the Hour
Tidal waves don’t beg forgiveness
Crashed and on their way
Father he enjoyed collisions; others walked away
A snowflake falls in may.
And the doors are open now as the bells are ringing out
Cause the man of the hour is taking his final bow
Goodbye for now.
Nature has its own religion; gospel from the land
Father ruled by long division, young men they pretend
Old men comprehend.
And the sky breaks at dawn; shedding light upon this town
They’ll all come ‘round
Cause the man of the hour is taking his final bow
Goodbye for now.
And the road
The old man paved
The broken seams along the way
The rusted signs, left just for me
He was guiding me, love, his own way
Now the man of the hour is taking his final bow
As the curtain comes down
I feel that this is just goodbye for now.
He has such a nice voice. the minute he stummed, sang... i stopped crying...just listened to him... i think i'm honestly falling for him... and i can't help it...
Saturday, March 06, 2004
ok, my interview happened on fri, but i guess this is a little late... but oh well...
the econometrics midterm sucked beyond belief. i don't think there's any chance that i'll do well man. GRR. anyway, after the midterm, i rushed to the canteen to do the financial tutorial. gosh, that was SUCH a bitch man... damn it.
and thus i was late. GRR. rushed home, didn't even bathe and then rush all the way to suntec. i reached suntec at exactly 3.20pm. damn. LATE. i was on the dot, but the minute i stepped out of the lift on the 8th floor, the receptionist was already in the lobby waited for me.
"tania? this way pls..."
woah, no time to catch my breadth, no time to sit down, no time to mentally prepare. i walked into the board room, stretched my right hand forward and flashed my brightest colgate white smile.
the 2 interviewers seemed pleasent enough. friendly tone of the interview. i was relieved. damn i forgot abt the thank u cards. damn it.
the minute i came in, everything they asked were technical. wat do i know abt the banking industry, the bank as a whole, and who the big players are. i said i didn't know ANYTHING.
"so tania, everyone comes in here proclaiming that they know everything abt the industry, how the system works and all... but u come in here saying you know nothing. then why are u here?"
i'm here to learn, *nods from interviewer* all i know abt the industry, the financial markets, the business world is all from the textbks, press, websites, it's all theories, nothing practical. this is prob the tip of the ice berg, and i hope, that given the opportunity to know more abt the industry first hand." *smile*
then came questions on the bank merger, who would buy them, why pple wld want to buy them. my stint at tan chong motors, how i added value to them, how i ever added value to ANYone's life etc,
overall i think i answered all the questions well, all except the one abt the $1000 dollar question. damn. i never SHLD have changed my mind in the first place. shit shit... i shld have just stuck to my decision and all. DAMN IT.... i hope they don't see that as indecisive on my part. damn.... shit. if i don't get the internship, then it'll be BECAUSE of this tiny question. damn it. DAMN...
oh well, met emma outside, and she was very nice enough to talk to me for a while and stuff. heard that it was 12 from 30 and later they're picking 5 from these 12. damn it. excited. VERY exited. i really hope that i get it... GRIN.
*cross fingers, cross toes, cross eyes!!!*
4.48pm "hi tania, emma here calling from deutsche..."
YES. i've got called back for the 2nd round of interviews. amazing. THANK GOD. i tell u, i was elated, was jumping all around the library, unable to contain my excitment, happiness, my elations. this was one of those times when i felt that the world was good again, that life was going my way again.
and then i remembered the midterm. damn econometrics. mau ge is irritating man... i hate stats. the only reason for me taking the module it's cos it's a requirement. damn it. i can't wait to graduate, and start working. and hopefully i'll get this internship, be the best, and then confirm get a job! haha. YES, then i wldn't have to worry abt not having a job once i grad! haha. planning planning...
going to buy myself a nice new bm 3 convert. nice. smooth. get it in jet black. all when i make it as an investment banker. YES. i need it, i want it, i'll breathe it. if i want it bad enough, i'll yearn for it. i'll try any means and ways to get it. want it, need it, live it.
hoping that in the end, it's God's will of course. all will have to give back to Him cos He gave first. yes yes.
praying and hoping and wishing and crossing fingers and toes...
Tuesday, March 02, 2004
today was my interview with Deutsche bank.this was my first ever interview with a prospective employer. and guess wat... it went... oh so well. GRR.
hailing a cab to suntec tower 5, i got out of the cab half an hour early, straightened my blouse, dusted my skirt and walked towards the building. gosh. have i grown up already? it seemed so sureal that here i am in my business outfit, going up the elavator to one of the offices. have 20 yrs just passed like that?! damn.
so anyway, i was 15 mins early, waited in the board room (i think) for the interviewer to arrive. from where i was sitting, i could see the view of bras basah from the windows. is this going to be me in a year's time?! i marvel at how i didn't fit into the clothes i was wearing, the lingo i was going to be talking and the properness of this whole affair. it didn't seem real.
emma armstrong came in and intro-ed herself. a pretty pleasent lady i must say, set the tone for the interview nicely. turned out that she wasn't the one in charge of the interview, rather someone just briefing us abt it. GRR. there goes my thank you card, addressed to mdm. damn.
i was intro-ed to my interviewer, a gentleman called something. hey, my nerves were pounding so hard, i cld hardly remember anything. sigh...
firstly i was asked to introduced myself, tell him something abt me... i guess i did alright on that, i mean, how wrong cld i be right?! haha... then he asked me abt fiscal policies, which stunned me for a while, eh?
"anything that doesn't touch the money supply is fiscal policy. erm... yes. money supply? it's only affected by interest rates. erm... erm... and more erms" DIE
then i was asked a series of questions like what are my strengths, how much do i know about deutshe bank, singapore economy... the 2 of the latter were like, none, i know nothing. damn. he must be thinking here's another air head.
and then he asked me abt my mathematical skills, i said i was perfectly at ease with numbers, having scored As for maths all my life. and then i said that numbers don't scare me.
"really? gd, wat's the square root of 70?" EH. xi mi lan jiao...
"8. something...
8. wat? give me to 2 decimal place.
WTF. so there i am, trying to wreak my brains on the board (there was a white board behind) through trial and error... came up with 8.3 something. and then i just wack lar, 8.32, and he said it was close enough and i cld sit down, hiaz. that was stunning.
and then he asked me my weakness, and then my mind went blank, i cldn't think of anything to say that wld put me at a disadvantage, then i just said that, "i'm not that punctual". DAMN. stupid thing to say. and then i said that i'm not too precise. another nail in my coffin. SHIT
looking back i shld have said that i'm VERY pessimistic, VERY critical, and VERY honest for my own gd. DAMN DAMN DAMN. mum said that i shld have said that shopping was my weakness. hahahahahahaha...
anyway, at the end of it all, he asked whether i had any questions for him, and i asked what the company was actually looking for. an ideal candidate. he said that they were looking for someone with an attitude. haha. attitude... i also can man. damn it. and he did give me adivce that i shld look at the interviewer more, he said that my eyes were roaming around the room, and i cld probably tell him the number of lights and stuff. haha. DAMn.
nevermind, one interview down, hopefully more to come. the results will be out by thursday and i do hope that i'll make it to the second round, but i'm not really expecting anything. nevermind, positive outlook.
tom will be better. bien non?
