uploaded pics from the bbq below. as i said, i'm just lazy, and well, the camera's not mine, so not that many got my face inside.

there's a pic of me and meng below. nice. i think i look pretty good in that pic!! haha... must be right after he told me all those sweet nice stuff! hahahaaaaaa.

tania @ 10:23 PM | |

trying to look important 

tania @ 10:18 PM | |

eric, meg, harry, me! 

tania @ 10:16 PM | |

current object of attention 

tania @ 10:15 PM | |

hen party

had high tea at goodwood, pictures speak more than words (i'm actually just lazy lar)

tania @ 11:41 PM | |

high tea at goodwood. bring the food on! 

tania @ 11:38 PM | |

cakes! 

tania @ 11:36 PM | |

food! 

tania @ 11:35 PM | |

the hen party! 

tania @ 11:33 PM | |

angie, debbie, tannie 

tania @ 11:33 PM | |

rui and i 

tania @ 11:30 PM | |

tai tai wanna be 

tania @ 11:29 PM | |

phuture + office BBQ + past week

i realised that there's no way i can update my blog as frequent as i used to when i was in school. and i think i set a record for the number of entries in one day during the exam period. haha. oh well. but yea, work's been well... work, and the last time i want to do when i get home is to type.

and after working, i realised that weekends are really really impt. these 2 precious days are spent catching up with family and friends. i try to have sat dinner and spend some time at home on sunday to aplease the matriach. but i do enjoy spending time at home. i think that the less time i have to spend at home, the more time i want to spend at home. ironic huh? well, i am a complex girl.

and since there's only so much time i can spend at dinner, and after my parents are asleep, i'm pretty much free to do what ever i want... hey, ultilizing the 48 weekend hours is an art ok. and i'm still perfecting it.

so i went down to phuture on fri night, in my frutile attempt to find elisha again. he wasn't there but nmind... i had fun with the girls, and since my card was working this time, i had massive amt of drinks man. that made up for the lack of guys, or cute guys. haha.

i was wearing my new fcuk top. and i must admit, it's abit low, but i actually altered it already ok! i was feeling somewhat self concious when i was walking out to take a cab, or when i was having supper with the guys. but as long as i was in zouk clubbing, i thought it was appropriate dressing. haha.

the music was generally pretty good, but the guys? yucks. i was dancing with a few of addy's friends but my eyes were always roaming. haha... need new challenages man. i caught view of this pretty cute guy, but i was dancing with one of addy's friends and i didn't know how to go over and dance with him.

i enlisted the help of addy to help me ask whether he was interested in dancing with me, and told her to ask him to come over. i guess since i had a guy drapped over my waist, he didn't want to risk getting punched in the face. haha. but he was cute, and a VERY good dancer. really! he was very respectful, unlike the previous ski cap man or mr urban male, and we did have a nice chat inbetween the loud music.

and this time, he asked for my number even before the last dance, even before i had to remind myself to get his number. so yay. so i've got a new sms buddy now, daren, (with one r)

i met one of my colleagues, wt, at zouk, and that was bad. firstly, i was wearing my super low see through fcuk top as mentioned above, secondly, he was pretty pissed. he was touching me all over, trying to push himself all over me and stuff. that was bad man. how do u reject someone that u're going to be working with for the next few weeks without offending him. it was pretty bad cos he was quite persistant, and i basically pushed his hand away over and over again. sigh. i was pretty glad that he just disappeared suddenly, cos i don't think i wld have been able to fend him off for long.

so that was friday night... sat had the sgx trading session and then the bbq later at my boss's place. the sgx trading session gave me a chance to get closer to meng. i obviously didn't want to partner wt cos of the previous night, and thelma was partnering the other dude from bcp, so that left me with meng. very good.

nice quality time.

i think i hit him so much that he's pretty scared of me now. haha... but it was nice to spend time with him, sitting close and just doing something together. it was interesting. and his voice!! omg. i just want to drool man.

so after the sgx training we went for the bbq. my boss stays at dreycott dr, so that's like near american club. and it's a penthouse man. niceeeee. there is a rooftop garden, a jacuzzi and all. very very nice. very nice for entertaining, and i'm sure it's a perfect bachelor dream pad.

had time out to talk to diff people at the bbq, but mostly i stuck with meng, meg, eric, harry... i don't really get to talk to eric and meng at work, so i guess it's good that there's some time outside work to just mingle.

i had some one-on-one time with meng, and it was pretty nice. it's like everyone was talking and the music in the background and the blue lighting from the jacuzzi really set the mood. i felt like everything just disappeared and it was just him and me on the 18th floor penthouse, overlooking the orchard road skyline. it was beautiful man.

he told me some stuff which were flattering, but it came across very honestly, like he really meant it. and i really really love his dimples. i can't remember whether i told him that, cos i'm starting to recall telling someone abt his dimples. hum....

he told me that i was aggresive, but he thinks compared to iris, she's more aggressive. i asked him whether that was a good thing, and he said that he thinks it is, cos i know when to be aggresive, and other times, i withdraw and hold back. i'm not sure what to make of that though.

everyone was just drinking and drinking and getting sloshed, but i thought that that was damn retarded. these guys are my prospective employers, why in the world wld i want to be drunk in front of them? iris was just drinking and downing shots and stuff, good lar, show she hero lar... in the end wat happened? wanna puke, wanna go home, and who has to take care of her? me. basket.

i realised what my mistake was at db. i didn't control myself when i went out with the guys, and that was my downfall i think. an impression is always important, and i want to leave a good one where ever i go. it's only when i am with my friends or with family, that i can truely be who i am, without any mask, just baring the real me.

so let's hope that things will go well for me, and that i'll have something to make of myself.

i am going out later for kat's high tea. she's getting married on sat, so this is like her hen party. nice nice nice. it's amazing that time passes so fast that it's already her wedding!

guess i have to be contented with updated on a weekly basis now... i'm always almost free for dinner though, juz call me out!

tania @ 10:45 AM | |

i'll remember, don't see why not

well, after my frantic and i admit abit psycho searching through 868 elijah friendster account, i've found him. not that my plough through 868 entries worked, but my other contacts worked.

apparently, it's elisha, not elijah. well... both were prophets. and it's just a switch of the a-h... but it made such a big difference.

so yes, i found elisha on friendster, and after looking at his pic, i remember how he looks like.

but kudos to gene... cos he was the one who found him for me. him and his modelling contacts. nad i asked gene, "is he gay ar?" and gene went, "definately not!" i guess he rejected gene's advances. hahahaha.

but well, i know he definately isn't gay. maybe bi. haha

but but but

after looking at his friendster account, i realised that he's attached. damn horny army boys! oh well... i'll just treat it as a great memory for that night. it was good while it lasted eh?!

don't stop, it's nice
and i'll definately remember... i don't see why not.

tania @ 11:16 PM | |

elijah

this whole post is abt this guy i met today.

i smiled, he smiled, and that was it. he gave me his boyish grin, and i gave him my come-hither look. haha.

and we hit it off. ok, well, not so, otherwise i wldn't be in this position right now, but that's for later.

anyway, he is cute ok. tall, and cute. where to find right?!! the crowd at phuture today was generally better than that wed that i went, but it was alright. i'm still prob the older ones there, ie 5% upper tail of distribution. haha.

so getting back to elijah. *pause for a drool*

we started dancing and my hand brushed across his leg. and it felt weird. cos, i've never, and NEVER felt anyone's thigh as tight as his. i mean, pple's thighs are usually soft right, but his was hard. h-a-r-d.

that wasn't the only thing that was hard.

his ass is a solid tight ass A*** toshie ok. *drools again*... and his abs. oh my gosh. his body was just perfect man. as i ran my fingers around his body, it really felt like i was feeling one of those cK underwear models.

but that wasn't the only thing that was hard. *winks*

his arms were perfect size, not some huge monster that u see at california kind, but really nice. his built was perfect. slightly too tall for me i think cos he was bending down most of the time and i was already wearing my 3" heels. damn short genes.

trust me, i can just go on and on abt him, because i'm never and i mean NEVER met anyone with a body like his, (and i've seen some pretty good bodies...i'm a swimmer ok) and he was pretty nice as well. didn't try to do anything funny. or rather anything too funny.

but i realise one thing that attracts me to a person. his voice. i can just fall in love hearing that person's voice, calling my name in any tone. (i wanted to say scream it experatedly, but well, not everyone is 21) i can get so drawn into someone's voice, simply cos i think that besides looks, the voice is wat makes a person unique.

see, i'm not that superficial

addy told me later that he is 2005 mr new urban male. and i just screamed out "WHAT" damn freaking loudly that a 1m radius turned and stared at me. woah, apparently i'm just attracted to them lar. first gene, now him, how qiao. but then again... i don't know how true that is.

ok, so the thing now that i'm banging my head on the wall is that... i didn't ask for his number. he didn't ask for mine, but that's besides the pt. there's no way i can contact this mysterious elijah, the man(boy) of my dreams... damn.

so this is a shout out to all my readers. whoever knows a guy by the name of elijah, who's currently serving NS, and lives in the UK but came back for NS, whose birthday was yesterday and was present at phuture last night, pls leave me a comment on how i can find him.

there are many other stuff that i want to write, but i shall leave that for a more selected audience.

tonight was good.

tania @ 5:22 AM | |

long weekend

i always wondered whether pple actually read my blog... and i'm really surprised that my ticket number is actually growing pretty fast... just hope it's not some idiot who just keeps hitting the refresh button. haha

the past week has been good. time really flies by so fast it's amazing. the minutes seem to tick away at work during the afternoons cos i do nothing, but the week just flashed across like that. in retrospect, that's how it is in general right... we nit pick at the small minute things, when we miss the big picture all together.

oh well.

i guess one thing that i've learnt at this internship and the previous one is that, you always have to make the most of wat u have. i cld be like the other interns, sitting there and just watching the clock tick past, making coffee in the pantry. coming in at 8.59am and leaving at 6.01pm. i want to make every single second count. i want to learn new things, i want to help people, contribute to the organisation.

and if all else fails, then i shld at least build up relationships. w/o sounding ego, i think i have pretty good PR skills, and i've been using that to my advantage these past 2 weeks. i need to build up my contacts and try to put myself out there to meet as many people as possible.

i'm all set on graduating and moving on with the next phase of my life, that the thought of actually failing one module has never crossed my mind until the bus ride home today. what if?! the nagging thought of actually having to stay in school for another year because of one stupid careless oversight, really scares me.

what if?

i haven't had much time to think abt what i want to do in my life. like really do. the minute i finished my exams, i started this internship, and i hadn't really put good thought into what i want to do.

what do i want to do?

i don't think i'll be a good risk analyst. i know myself, and that i am not that analytic, or rather, not analytical enough to study/understand risk. sigh. i think i'm more inclined to do sales cos of my easy going nature.

but i am not giving up. and i'm definitely not underestimating myself. i know that if i put my heart and mind into it, i can and will be able to do well. but the learning curve wld just be steeper and the climb will just be harder.

so will success taste sweeter?

i am going for an equity research position at goldman on tues. i'm not sure what they are offering, but i want to see what they offer, and of course, what i can offer them.

maybe this is my chance, my break. i trust that God has a plan and He has the best. so yea, leave it to him. watever will be, will be.

work's not that stressed, but i'm going to velvet later to let off some steam. want to meet up with some friends to just dance and chill.

life is good man.

tania @ 9:22 PM | |

interviews

i have honestly gone for so many interviews that i can really write a book and title it "how to handle rejections"

haha

obviously the interviews haven't gone too well. let me just have a check on the places that i've interviewed with (let me try to recall the order):

1. deutsche bank
2. jp morgan
3. barclays / barcap
4. standchart
5. HSBC
6. OUB
7. CSFB
8. bloomberg
9. OCBC

and a new one to add to my list coming tues ...

10. goldman

how cool is that? and get this, i just need to take the lift up for the interview!!! apparently csfb is on the 4th floor and goldman is on the 7th floor!!

haha. excited.

tania @ 11:52 PM | |

revelations

my first swim this year was good. i forgot how the pool used to be my territory, the place where i wld retreat to do all my thinking. it was the place that i wld vent my anger, to scream at the top of my voice under water to let it all out.

and i forgot how i owned the pool... until today.

this was a place that i found solace. the place where i can let my mind take preceedence over my heart, and i reason the choices i've made so far.

i did some good reflections and thinking in the pool today while doing my laps. i realised how blessed i am... i'm just so thankful for each and every blessing i've had this year, and in my life in general. it's funny how we always gripple abt how unfortunated or xuay we are cos we never win big things, but we often miss out on the small things that we have.

and i realised something, i don't miss him because i still love. i miss companionship. i just simply miss having someone there.

and it struck me that i didn't even think abt him this whole week. i was just so busy with my own life and work, that i never had a chance to think of him fondly. and then i realised what an idle mind can imagine or fantasize. idle minds and hands are just not good.

so yes, as i embark on a new phase in my life, i can't let the things that happen in the past hinder my progress forward. i must cut off watever bondage i have with the past, and move on forward bravely with my head held high.

i'm ready for any challenge. mentally, physically, emotional.

bring it on.

tania @ 10:50 PM | |

incoherent ramblings

i'm done with 10% of my internship, that's 90% closer to the end of it, to my commencement, and to being an unemployed statistic once again.

oh well.

it's not that i've not been actively looking for a job... i've been applying since who-knows-when. it's just that i only want certain jobs, and even though i can't get there directly, i'm taking steps to moving in that correct direction.

hence my internship with risk. i think it's a great department where i can learn more abt the risk factor in trading. i've not yet had the opportunity to analyse the VaR, delta, gamma, beta movements yet, but i will soon. still familiarising myself with all the computer processes. yes, come monday, i'll be generating reports all by myself and sending them out to the analyst, and then the front office.

traders wld be reading my report. how scary. oh, the responsibility.

besides working, my social life is taking a beating. yes, i've gotten to know the 45 other interns, not so well, but at least by face. it's crazy how loopsided the distribution of interns are, 11 guys to 34 girls... guess they want to have some eye candy around the building.

the people that i work with are really really nice people, and i think that they are honestly sincere bunch, as in they are not just nice to me cos i'm in intern, but they seem really nice to everyone. coming from a team of only 15 in singapore and 200 globally, it's too small a team for any petty politics. i guess the team works pretty well.

on a lighter note, i had lunch with my boss on fri, and he said that the team was expanding. that's good news for me i guess, but i'm wondering whether this is something that i want to do for the rest of my life. can risk management be my career?!

that's something to think abt over the next 9 weeks i guess. it's not that the work is not interesting or boring, but i think i'm just not analytical enough to do these work. sigh. am i not good enough?

i don't think i'm cut out to do something analytical. i want to do something creative, something fun like marketing or PR... but that's not where the money is. i won't be able to drive around in fancy cars and carry gucci handbags and sipping coffee at mariott lobby.

either that or i can revert to plan B: marry rich. anyone knows any rich man or potentially rich man, or a potentially dying rich man, pls pass me his contact, or pass him my contact. thanks.

my gym life is also bleeding. i don't think i have the time to go to the gym for my combatt classes cos the timing is just so off. i'm not going for a 9pm class when i want to sleep at 1030pm right. gosh, i sleep even early at work than at school. guess it's more acceptable to sleep during a lecture than sleep during work right?

so i'll be going swimming later. going to the club... hopefully things will be ok with the pool at the club. haven't swam this whole year man. want to feel the water (i wanted to say between my legs, but thought that was sick) as i glide through it. swimming is great man.

ok. after a long rambling post, i think it's time to stop... i think i'll only have the time to update once a week. i'm totally shagged out the minute i reach home from work.

wonder how ya'all doing? drop me a line yea

tania @ 12:51 PM | |

WORK

been so busy with work that i've not had the time to breathe, let alone write, so maybe i shld just write in pt form.

1. work hrs are better than db. 9am - 6pm
2. people are really nice
3. no one asks me to buy coffee/lunch
4. people treat me like an intelligent adult
5. some people treat me like a kid (which is good cos they are more patient, and repeat stuff)
6. the pantry is fully stocked!!
7. there's less pressure on me cos there are 46 interns. pressure distributed over more people
8. i've actually got my own desk
9. my boss actually put my name on the desk, (it's like a sign that everyone has and i'm the same!)
10. people actually think i'm 22!! (i'm not 27... u stupid blind bitch)
11. i've got my own cool pass/swip card
12. my cool pass/swip card just got cooler cos it has my photo on it
13. i'm actually doing so much work!
14. i'm contributing to the company. it's really a 2-way exchange!
15. i'm learning so much (i'm not kidding)
16. and again, there's no pressure cos i'm an intern
17. i'm gettting more exposed to the equities market, something that i've not even touched on
18. ... (added later)

sounds like i really like my job or that i know my boss is going to read it right... but well, there's always the bad side... like

1. i wake up at 7am, a change from my usual 12 noon alarm clock
2. i can't really focus long in contacts, but i don't want to wear my specs. yes, i'm still vain
3. sometimes pple talk too fast u have no idea what they're talking abt
4. i'm smiling all the time, i don't swear and curse when i don't know or can't do anything... they shldn't see my real side... yet

and this is of course the worst thing :

5. i don't know what to wear to work everyday.

now that's a big issue. haha

ok, tired, had a really really late night last night, will update over the weekend. hope everyone is fine.

tania @ 10:34 PM | |

these past few days

i've not had much time to sleep these past few days, let alone update my blog. guess it's ironic that now that i'm technically free, i can't find the time to write, compared to my exam time when i supposed to have no time, but yet, was updating every single moment. awahh well, the ironies of life.

been free since tuesday, and it's not that i've got a whole list of things that i've been doing. rather, been arranging my time around interviews, pre-arranged meetings... gone for 2 bberg interviews, and the next one is next week. i've also got called for an ocbc interview next week. trying to scheldue both interviews on the same day, cos the building is just next to each other, and it's easier too cos i start work at on mon.

yes, my internship with the risk department starts on monday, and i'm not sure what the time table wld be like yet. i hope things all work out for the best. i think i'll be taking half day off if i can wing something. abit rush, but i hope all things work out according to His will.

had 2 opportunities to go to the gym, but i was just so lazy!! argh! haha... will definitely go tom, for pilates and combat. yawn. time to get back in shape.

spending the next 2 days at home. before i start work proper. i have no holidays. sigh...

to all those who have finshed, congrads, and to those who are still fighting, don't worry. it'll be over soon. jia you!

tania @ 2:18 PM | |

guess wat?! i've got through!!! hahahaaaaa

tania @ 11:44 AM | |

bloomberg

went for the second round interview today. don't think i'll be called back for the next round.

i left feeling like i didn't answer the questions properly, or the best that i cld have, but oh well, at least i tried yea?

nmind, i can always visit 7-11 in my other job rather than just walk to the pantry.....

sigh.

another day. another battle

tania @ 5:14 PM | |

mambo

just came back from mambo. and i remembered why i stopped going.

here are my top 10 list of why mambo nights are a no-go:

1. u get picked up by army BMT guys. botak is soooo not in anymore
2. it is jammed packed. there is not much space for creative dancing. dancing for me is bobbing up and down
3. guys just grope! using the excuse that it's crowded to bump into u. urgh
4.the standard of guys have seriously decreased
5. not to mention their height as well. i can honestly see across the floor on my 3" heels.
6. they play new songs at mambo. and well, since i don't know the actions...
7. there's no eye candy, everyone is either ugly, fulgy or ffugly
8. i end up drinking too too much and feel like crap the next day and
9. it's in the middle of the week and i've always got something on on thurs

and the top peeve i stopped going mambo

10. i'm so old that the bouncer doesn't even check my ID. how nice. i'm considered auntie.

and the countless number of times pple step on ur toes, both literally and methophorically. if u've stepped foot in zouk, u know wat i mean. (such a subtle pun huh?!!)

i was actually bored tonight. can u believe that!? maybe it's cos of the alcohol, or rather the lack of it. i guess once u're high, everything is fun. but yea, i'm on my "gotta-drink-less-cut-down" phase. my liver is my good friend...

yea, and since i'll be starting my internship on monday, this wld be the last mambo i'll be going to for a while. i'll prob still go on fridays, but let's see how. i think i'll be so drop dead tired i might just head home for the weekend and sleep! hee

anyway, i think i'm just too old for clubbing lar. grown out of it... there are seriously much better things to do with my time.

yawn. it's time to sleep. got an interview at 3pm later.

yawn

tania @ 5:53 AM | |

and so it goes

so my uni life has officially ended yesterday 11am, after suroush said "time's up, pen's down"

and i've been catching up on my sleep. well not really, cos i went to bed at 2am, automatically woke up at 7am, went back to sleep and repeated the process at 10am, 11am and 12noon. i acutally just wanted to stay in bed the whole day, gosh, i'm so freakingly tired, but i've made pior arrangments.

i've made a list of things to do after my exams, and i'm rushing it cos i start work on monday at csfb.

went for an interview with bloomberg yesterday, and i got called back for a second round tom afternoon. haha... i wld like to think that it's cos of my own effort, but this nagging thought at the back of my head told me that daniel pulled some strings for me.

oh well. we got to use what we have right?!

had dinner with SA, nicholas and debbie at la mian crystal jade. had fun just chilling with the guys. it was fun. esp since i didn't have to worry abt anything after that. like no more assignments due, no midterms, no exams.

is it really over? it seems so so surreal

oh well. i'll be going mambo tonight. need some square room blood in me. haha... later. need to go out now and cut hair. urgh.

and i'm sniffing. i hope i don't fall sick.

tania @ 12:18 PM | |

i'm done

can u believe it? i'm done.

just took my last paper a few hours ago, and the minute the examiner announced time's up, that was it. just 2 words to mark the end of my university undergraduate life.

i'm not feeling anything right now, maybe the sense of euphoria of actually finishing school cancels out the sadness i feel on actually being done.

u know, the mixed feeling situation. i'll prob feel the lesser of the two evils soon.

it's weird.

time just seems to pass by so fast. sigh. will blog more when i've got more collected thoughts and feelings.

sigh

tania @ 12:50 PM | |

bell curve

i told myself that i'll be good.

that it shld be easy to score CA marks cos there are 7 test, and all i needed was 5 full marks.

i did alright, 35/40 after adding all the 5 best together.

and here i was, 6 days to study for IO paper, smugged that i cld fall back on my CA results.

the bloody distribution of CA marks came out today. out of 81 students, i'm the top 42. that's like 50%. #%$&$^^@

firstly, i didn't know that there was only 82 students, and secondly, now my chances of an A is really pretty slim. i must work hard man.

this wld have been helpful like 6 days ago. the news wld have prob spured me on to study harder and be more focus, but now, less than 24hr b4 my paper, i realised that i've got only an AVERAGE CA score to back myself up on... like ain't that good anymore.

i'm stressing myself out. urgh

ok, putting in the last minute effort now. hopefully it's enough

tania @ 1:48 PM | |