Hung Over

the week back at work was so tough. i've been in the office from 830ish to abt 11 almost everyday. so that's 15hrs day x5, =75hrs of work. damn it man, i'm such a workaholic.

i've not been getting enough sleep as well, maybe abt 4-5 hours a day, so that's like 5x5=25, just slightly over a day of sleep this whole week. yawn, i'm really really tired.

BUT, the weekend has been pretty good so far. went down to phuture for some stress reliever on friday, and i really partied the whole night man. addy and i were debating whether or not to go, but in the end, we decided that we've not gone together for such a long time that we went.

i had fun. it's been a long time since i let my hair down and partied. it's amazing that i still had energy to stand despite my 10shots, but it was good. eric and megh came later, and they were pretty surprised that i had so much energy left... they've decided to work me harder this coming week. damn it.

i was damn bloody high by the time the night ended, and i honestly didn't even know that it was 4am already... i staggered outside with addy, and while i was saying goodbye to my companion that night, i saw adrian. i was like, whooa shit. it took me really long to register that it was adrian, and apparently i went up to him and knocked him so hard that the hotdog he was eating flew out of his hand. haha.

that was funny. i can't remember it, but he promised we'll do an reanactment come monday.

woke up feeling pretty crappy, a couple of beers too much man. damn. mum was pretty excited abt the grad pictures, so she dragged me out of bed to go look at it. we spent like 2 hrs at the studio choosing the pictures, and frankly speaking, i'm rather disappointed with how they turned out. i don't think the shots were flattering, but i guess there's only so much magic in a photographer eh.

i had dinner later with hung, this french vietnamese i met abt a week back. been talking to him pretty alot on the phone the past week, and i must say i am pretty much smitten. we were supposed to have dinner on tues at 10pm, but work was so horrible that i had to cancel it at 10.10pm. poor dude waited for like 4 hours for me. shit man, felt so bad... but yea, so we had dinner on sat. he told me that he'll plan the whole day cos i had a long week, and it'll just be something relaxing.

dinner was at this french restaurant along club street, and i was 10min late. damn, i told him i'll be on time, but hey, i can't be the one waiting for him right?!! ok, it was unintentional, the traffic was just too heavy! the restaurant was really nice, very parisian, and it was very romantic.

and he got me a pressent! it was so unexpected... i didn't want to open it cos it was rude, but he said it was ok. he got me something from kino, so i knew it had to be a book. it was actually 3 books, the first one i took out was this french storybook, and he said that it was his favourite one when he was a kid. i told him that there was no way i could read the book, and he was like, "pas problem, je lire avec toi" the second one was a comic book in french, and he said that it was easier to read cos there were pictures, and the third was a lonely planet guide book of paris in english. he said that now i have a book to reference when he talks abt paris.

how sweet

as if the night cldn't get any better. he was a perfect gentleman, and there wasn't a time at the dinner table when it felt akward. he had bought tickets to watch a 11.25pm show, but asked me whether i wld prefer to go home and rest since i looked so tired. how cld i say no when he already bought the tickets?!! but anyway, we watched Master of the journey or something like that. and yes, it was a french show.

aiyoh, french overdose xia.

later on we had coffee at coffee club and chatted till 3am. i was almost falling asleep at the table already when we called it a night. it was really really sweet of him to get me the pressent, to arrange the whole dinner thing. i am awfully smitten.

BUT, i have to consider the realities of life. but as of now, let me enjoy my time with him.

tania @ 2:17 PM | |

Nostalgic...

went back to nus today. firstly to get some books from the lib. damn it, 3 years of being there and i never realised they had books that were actually useful to me! d'oh. they hid it all the way in the HSSM lib. damn bizad! rejected me 3 times and still hide my books! grr.

it seemed like a symbolic way of ending my leave. like i've come a full circle. i'm a person that sees significance in the smallest of things, and i like the fact that things are well... balanced.

i actually enjoyed the day in nus. of course the main reason i went to nus was to have lunch with justin, but that's a side issue, i honestly enjoyed the day in school.

i met so many people in school, starting with vivien on the bus, fred and sam in co-op, robby for ice tea, terrence on the way home... and of course, some familiar faces in between. it felt different walking around nus, not the usual heavy depressing pressuring cloud over my head, but i felt pretty glad walking and talking the shuttle bus all around the campus.

as weird as it sounds, i felt liberated. like i conquered this part of my life, and i can hold my head up high, knowing that i have found a job that many finance grads wld clamour for. (kiss my ass bizaders)

but today was fun. i wished i knew what i wanted to do as a career earlier on, so my yr 1 and 2 life cld have been better planned. but oh well, it's no pt regretting now, cos there's no way time travel is possible. guess the only other thing left for me to do is help other young aspiring youths of singapore find their footing in life. (so noble right?!) i've been given so much, it's time for me to give back.

going to go back to the office tom and start clearing some of my stuff. maybe clear my mails and go through some of the online materials. today's the last day of my leave, and will be back in the office come monday. even though i've been there for 4 months now, monday will feel different. fbi is going to be my baby.

tania @ 5:30 PM | |

Singapore, OK lar

so i've sent the last few days entertaining andy, machiam tourist likdat. aiyoh.

the thing abt being out with andy, or a foreigner in general, is that u have to be careful abt how u talk, not only the grammer, but the vocab as well. i guess it's only when u speak to someone foreign u realise that we as singaporeans actually have our own language.

and guess what, i'm actually proud of it.

if the brits can have their queen's english, and the americans can have their lazy english (color vs colour) and aussies have their downunder english, then why can't singapore have our own, well, singlish?

think abt it, it's the only thing that we have, that isn't a foreign talent, that isn't modelled after something, and is something i can safely (100% guarentee plus chop) say is well... really uniquely singapore.

why do we need to feel embrassed abt the way we speak? it's not that we can't speak proper english, i wld say that most of us are able to, it's just a matter of choice. this is a culture thing, a norm rather than a rule, and if we as singaporeans can differentiate between english and singlish, then hey, we got it good.

i think the problem with some of the younger singaporeans is that they're unable to draw the line between what's grammatically correct and what's not. coming from a family that speaks predomantly english, i'm appalled when i listen to some of the ah bengs and lians speak on the bus or in the train, and i nearly fainted when i was out with a guy i met and his english was just SO terrible. i hardly think that , "i thoughted ... " is acceptable by any standards.

but with that being said, i do admit that i might fall short of whatever english standard i am propagating. working in an environment with people from all over the globe, i'm forced to not only speak in proper sentenses, but also pronounciate my words with a certain accent to ensure comprehensibility. i don't slang cos i think it's cool, i think it's more of necessity rather than my coolness factor. now slanging when u're talking to a bunch of singaporeans, now that's acting cool. or as we say action action only

being out, showing andy the sights, sounds and smell of singapore, made me realised that singapore actually has alot of history, and alot of sights to see. we have a myrid of different cultures, races and religion, and the fact that all can live harmoniously together (minus a few racist here and there) is amazing.

singapore might be marketed in recent years as many things, and i remember doing a geography module on the effectiveness of STB's slogans. i came up with swinging singapore then, but right now, singapore, ok lar feels more from the heart.

tania @ 10:40 PM | |

recreational intimacy vs intellectual orgasm

i've been having very stimulating conversations with my friends these past few days, and these 2 terms were coined by 2 very very talented friends of mine**.

i guess it was abit of a challenge for my pea brain to conprehend recreational intimacy, but after getting past that, i asked myself which i wanted more, or rather, which was the lesser of the evils.

consider the two propositions. imagine having to choose between the two... now, which one wld i want? well, ideally, i wld like to have both, but let's face it, no ideal world, no free lunch.

i'm considering what my ideal guy is like... i've been asked so many times, and yet, i've never seriously thought abt it. i always told myself things like, "i'll know it when i see it" but doesn't that equate to love at first sight? hum... and since i believe that i will fall in love with someone's character and personality rather than his looks, so wldn't it be more correct to say, "i'll know it when i feel it" ? but that sounds gross, so yea.

(on a side note, something really disgusting happened to me today, and i'm too horrified to talk abt it)

so then since i don't know what i want, the next logical thing is knowing what i don't want. and as much as i try to be objective and not superficial, i have certain standards. minus the physical and material status of the guy in question, i wld want someone that inspires me, one that wld be uplifting me rather than pulling me down.

now, there's a difference between a sporting boyfriend and a spontaneous one. of cos it's a give or take, and ideally (yes, i seem to live in a cinderella world) it'll be 50-50. but i'll honestly be happy with a 40-60. i don't think i can handle anything less than that.

and to add to my demands list, i want someone that i can have an intellectual conversation with. not just abt work or gossip right, but serious in dept stuff. i don't think i've shared my deepest inner thoughts with anyone in a long time. an intellectual orgasm once in a while wld be nice, not too many at one short or i might risk going into spasm. haha. basically he has to stimulate me, to make me think and analyse and add my 2 cents worth.

i personally don't think i'm a fan of recreational intimacy, but def not procreational intimacy. maybe i'll prefer somewhere in between. no pun intended.

so there's that. i want someone who's spontaneous, sporting and stimulating. comon, that's not too much to ask... right?!


**royalties going out to yy and jc

tania @ 8:43 PM | |

Festival of Praise

Went for FOP last night. the worship was awsome as ususal, but i think that the previous years were better. the message was good though, and that was one of the highlights for me, at least.

the thing abt FOP is that it's a free admission, no ticket kind of event. so that leads to people lining up to get in, queues snaking all the way over to kallang leisure centre, and very impatient people in the hot sun for 4 hours before the doors open. now, going for a christian evangalistic concert, i wld suppose all of us wld be good natured and tempered, but was the crowd even civil? i hardly think so. we (myself included) have a long way to go to reach that gracious status, but i guess we're all human eh... i just had to keep mumbling wwjd to myself the whole way... didn't voice out my grumbling that much, maybe it was cos i wasn't in the sun...

when we finally got inside, we had seats quite far towards the back of the stadium, but oh well, as long as we had seats right?! from where i was sitting, the bright concert lights were shining directly into my eyes. i really felt like my eyes were burning and well, it just wasn't pleasant.

anyway, FOP was good none the less, i had geat company, and i'm sure the topless man that loses maps will have an eyebrow muscle soon! with that being said, i've made a promise, claimed a break through, and i will keep my end. He will too.

tania @ 10:00 AM | |

Resting & Re-evaluations

Being at home for the past 4 days has been DAMN SHIOK man. it's been a long time since i'm able to just lie in bed and not want to get up, not listen to CNA first thing in the morning, and rush all the way from my doorstep to office.

but all good things must end right. damn. my mc only covers me for 4 days, and i've decided to take the rest as annual leave. i want some time out to do my own thing, spend some time with my family, and some time with the coz and andy. cool stuff... just totally enjoy myself before going back to work.

been thinking abt life in general. i guess that happens when u're being fed a whole HALF tablet of muscle relaxant. woohoo. vic said that i was the most playful among all of us... i was like, wtf?!! but then again, i do admit that i have a playful streak, but i also do know my limits...albeit sober... haha...

told vic that i'll make a public announcement on my blog on my innocence, that i have never taken those pills, nor do i know how those pills work. and yes, i'm terribly afraid of retribution, and that's prob the only reason. we had a nice chat at sushi tei eh! ... where's superman?!!

on a seperate note, i'm plagued with a new decision. shld i continue my life as it is now, or forgo my loyalty and alligence to those that have believed in me? i have been given a great opportunity, and for me to back out on it wld be alright in the corporate world, but personally, i wld feel like i've let them down. like i let the team down. i'm also afraid of the backlash, the minute i step out of those office doors, i don't think i can step back in.

it's one of those make it or break it situations, and i have to be ready to take a gamble if that's what i truely want to do.

eric said something along the lines of, "people take marriage so lightly, they think more when buying a car than when considering who to marry for the rest of their lives". i guess it's true... i'm thinking more abt my career than my life choices itself, but then again, why shldn't i?

it's not that i have a partner that i am accountable to, that my time has to be reserved for him... my time right now is mine to deligate. i can spend all my time on work, on advancing my career, on bettering myself. so why is it that wrong to spend so much time thinking abt work?

well, my decision is still unmade, and my choices are still abundent. but first, let me enjoy the one week break i have.

tania @ 11:26 AM | |

Lasik

i can throw away my glasses! i just came back from my post op review and dr chan's exact words were, "beautiful". how great is that. now all i have to do is take care of my cornea flap and put my eye drops. other than that, things shld be a-ok.

woohoo.

for all those out there who have prayed for me, thanks a bunch, and i really really appreciate ur prayers!

my eyesight now is pretty sharp, but my eyes get really dry after a while, and i can't stare at bright things for long (tv, computers)... i'm honestly really glad that the op was successful, and that i didn't get double vision or wat nots, but the only thing i have to complain abt is my MCs!! or lack of it! crap! i only get 4 days, so i have to cover up the rest with my annual leave. awahhh....

but i do want to take an additional week off, just to rest my eyes, rest my body and my mind before i enter the working world proper. plus the fact that andy(my cousin's housemate which i met when i was in london last dec) is here for 2 weeks, would like to spend some time with him and my coz doing touristy stuff in singapore.

as for my new found reliance on no-glasses, it's amazing that for 16 years of my life i've been shortsighted, 8 years wearing glasses and the other 8 mostly wearing contacts. that's alot of money spent on contacts and glasses! i think the amt i invested for this op is really really worth it, (so far, the side effects haven't really hit me yet) thanks to my parents for this 21st birthday pressent! haha

didn't really have a good rest last night, i'll go take a nap now. tired.... anyway, i'll be free the whole week next week, anyone who's free to meet up, let me know yea!

tania @ 10:07 AM | |