Friday, July 30, 2004
la la la
i've been telling myself that i'll lose weight... or that i'll exercise... OR (get this, this is gooooddd) that i'll be good...
...but it never seems to happen does it?!
damn resolution, damn weak determination.
i wonder whether i'll be happier in a bean bag (read: fat monica from f.r.i.e.n.d.s)... just plushed and not moving.
went for a swim today. this was after coming to the conclusion that the more i sleep, the lazier i get. so yes, this starts my i-wanna-diet-and-exercise routine.
pple that know me long enuff will know that this starts the kang kong, kai lan, chyee sim and soup diet.
pple that know me longer will know that this doesn't last.
i've seen fat friends go thin, and me on the other hand, have replaced their title as fatty boom boom. nice...
i'm been hiding my fats under black clothes/baggy clothes/nike and adidas clothes. sigh. i hate being FAT. damn it.
i shall try to be good.
i shall try to be good in more ways than one.
Thursday, July 29, 2004
| T | Timeless |
| A | Astounding |
| N | Naive |
| I | Insane |
| A | Awkward |
Name Acronym Generator
From Go-Quiz.com
tuesday night coffee @ HV
met luyi and fred for coffee. this was the first time in ages that we actually talked like last time! it was pretty fun actually. i sit there, watching us talk, laugh and shriek, and i parellel it to just 4 years ago when we were in NJ. my, time had flown man.
was it really 4 years ago that we used to train at bouna vista? has it been that long since we last put on our water and fire proof uniform? sigh. i'm old.
i look ay myself and luyi, we're graduating next yr. gosh. the working world becokons. no more childish dreams, no more unrealistic goals of becoming a tai tai. it's time for the real world. wake up and gear up. the fight has started.
and then i look at fred as he fits his fist into his mouth, i wonder whether this little trick of his is going to bring him fame and fortune. nah. but surviving law might. hum... i wonder whether going through army has made him grow up. hum... maybe he used to fit his foot in his mouth.
i reflect...
have i grown as a person since JC? how different a person am i? what significant event has happened that have altered my life perception and beliefs? hum...
in the past 4 yrs? more bad than good. definitely bad.
mambo night @ zouk
this was the first time in ages that i've been to mambo. maybe cos i cldn't afford the time since i was working. and despite clubbing reguarly on friday at velvet, mambo's different.
the beats are different, the songs are less beaty, but everyone and i seriously mean EVERYONE does the same actions! if u've been to mambo, u know wat i mean. if not, erm... where have u been?!!!!
went with addy and we met this group of guys that we kinda spent the rest of the night with... haha... they were pretty cool guys, 2 of which were rather cute! haha... one looked like tien ho, and the other was really cute and he cld REALLY dance man! haha...
anyway, this was the first time i was at mambo that i saw girls on the guys podium. erm... let's just say that they also belong on the stage. yes, it seems that i can't get away from them. these lady boys.
eyerrrrr....
bkk ladyboys were pretty, and i really had to think pretty hard to see whether they were guys or girls.
these girls/guys... were easy. they were ugly. as in U-G-L-Y. they repulsed everyone man. urgh. i'm not going to waste my breadth on how disguested i was. urgh.
i hate lady boys ... and lady bugs.
life lessons learnt:
s'pore's gd.
there's no other place in the world that u can grab a cab at 4am alone and get home safe! everyone here speaks english, food's cheap, and avaible 24-7!
home's gd.
i get every and any thing i ask for, well, almost everything. i have all my needs met. beggars aren't common here. it'll be something to see the beggars in bkk over here.
it's clean.
toilets are clean, the streets are clean, public transport is clean.
be thankful.
stop complaining how i'm stuck in s'pore studying. be thankful for the family and friends, having a proper shelter over my head, food on the table and clothes to wear. be thankful that i'm only that corny and have both my nipples! *wink*
things i've learnt from bkk:
- i'm a sheltered little prick that is scared by every and any thing
- girls/boys with one nipples are bad.
- never take a cab with a psychotic looking driver
- cabs with spoilt speedometres are a definate no-no
- getting a hotel rm with no windows is a bad thing
- holidays shld be for sleeping, and not waking at 8am!
- always bargain. even for 20baht
- having phad thai for 4 days for all 3 meals is a bad thing
- lychee martinees in bkk are just martinees with a lychee. it burns!
- pple in bkk are hell drivers. don't play with them
- never just say "mango-sticky-rice"
- thai's are mostly friendly.
- only exceptions are cabbies and levis sales pple. bitch!
- valuair stewdesses are of very low quality
- i smile so wide that i have veins popping out of my head
- home's always the best!
You have an entrancing kiss~ the kind that leaves
your partner bedazzled and maybe even feeling
he/she is dreaming. Quite effective; the kiss
that never lessens and always blows your
partner away like the first time.
What kind of kiss are you?
brought to you by
A GARAGE-GURL. Youre into loud music, hot guys and
wild fashions. Youre most at ease when you've
got all your mates around you and you like to
party. Boys are a game and youre always on the
ball because you make sure you're always number
one.
Your virtues: Confidence, fun nature,
sociability.
Your flaws: Loudness, jealous tendency, need for
attention..
You almost certainly wouldn't like this game,
because it's not your thing:
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What kind of girl are you?
brought to you by
Tuesday, July 27, 2004
i seriously enjoyed myself in bkk. it was the first trip i had away from my parents, just with friends, not counting bintan.
don't think i'll be able to remember EVERYthing... but here's the more sequence of stuff... eat, shop, club, club, drink, crazy taxi ride, sleep, eat, shop, shop, shop, shop, eat, drink, club, drink, crazy taxi ride, lady boys, more lady boys, club, club... (and the cycle continues)...
Day 1...
the flight
flew off on a rather full flight. guess everyone was going to bkk for the weekend. verdict on valuair? well... the air stewdess are, not pretty, not professional and they speak hokkien. gosh, this is seriously the SIA rejects. imagine view from the top kind of aircraft. nuff said.
met this nice lady on the plane and we talked throughout the flight. mag and i had fun on the plane, it wasn't that bad a flight. the landing was beautiful.
walking out of the airport, i smelt the air. yes, this was bkk. mag and i took a cab to the hotel. it was pretty freaky i guess, 2 guys who NEVER travelled without mummy taking a cab all alone in a foreign country. the cabbie wanted to cheat us, and we were just worried that he wasn't going to bring us to our hotel.
well, finally got to the hotel. *phew*. ramesh was there already, and we all made plans to go mbk the mintue we put down our bags and rested.
mag was pretty excited i guess, being in bkk the shopping paridise for the first time. she was just all over the place, shopping and looking at every single stuff... i was on my quality control. decided to save money and effort for JJ, food and entertainment.
food loft
met laura and vince for dinner. they took us to food loft in central. i have to say that it was REALLY nice. the atmosphere was good man. it's like marche, but it's on the highest floor, and all surrounded was windows. very chic. the place was dark, so we all ate by candle light.
the food wasn't just thai, every stall had different food. jap, italian, french, chinese... but this being my first meal in bkk, it was going to be thai. i had tom yum goog. nice....
me and the tom yum
mag and i
laura and i
patpong
after dinner vince brought us to patpong. laura had to go back and study for her paper the next day.
patpong's this place with all the pretty lady boys. it's like geylang, just that it's ALL guys. all the pretty ones that is.
so vince brings us to this bar, we sit down, and there's like 15 girls dancing on the bar in front of us. i'm not sure whether my mouth was open cos i was just staring, but i think i was staring. and the thing is, it's dangerous to stare, cos the would come up to u.
they're very direct. very forward. and i guess rather screwed up as well right. it really makes me wonder how can anyone want to be of the different sex? that's rather screwed up right.
this one in white comes up to us, and start talking to us. she said that she's been to s'pore and she visited changi, deskar and geylang. oh... how adapt. and then she flashes her breast at us. nice. she kept asking us to touch. and of course i didn't. but ramesh did. and he said, "gd job, value for money". hahahah...
another one in green comes up to vince and start stroking his leg. she plays with herself with the other hand. best. so vince points at me and tell her that his wife is here. the girl then starts screaming at me and telling me to get lost cos she's trying to do work here. right.
i think mag and i were pretty tramatised. it's going to take a while to wipe off the image of 20 girls/guys showing us their nipples and asking us to touch them.
patpong night life
the bed
went back to the hotel after that. was supposed to bathe and then head out to "the bed". "the bed" is this really nice club. it's ALL white. it's this elevated cylinder shaped club. inside, it looks like embassy, with 2 stories, where i stood on the second floor overlooking the dance floor. nice. the couches stretch around the club, and u can just lie down. very nice. really.
view from the top
the bar
the drinks are REALLY strong too. i had a lychee martini. and guess wat? it was the strongest shit drink i've EVER tasted in my life. really man. it burnt going down my throat. urgh. but it was REALLY fun man. really enjoyed myself.
the music was so good. very much like velvet's drum and base. the crowd was mainly ang moh, and it wasn't sleazy. vast difference from the patpong. the 4 of us really enjoyed ourselves man. really really gd.
partying
it's a pity that the clubs in bkk closes at 2am. wat?! that's crazy man. so off we go in a cab back to the hotel.
day 1 in bkk ended at 2am bkk time.
Day 2
woke up early and had breakfast. seems like they haven't changed their breakfast menu for the past 2 years. i can remember eating the same crap. urgh.
Jatujak aka JJ
woke ramesh up and we headed to JJ. gosh. JJ was hot man. it was huge! there was no way that we were going to keep finding each other, unless we were all on leaches. it was hot, it was crazy!
guess mag was just awed by the size of JJ. shopping here takes the toll on me man. as much experience i have in s'pore, JJ is the test man. it's THE shopping place to go.
i gave up. i think mag still wanted to shop more and more, but we were hungry. i stood there and called ramesh. "rammmmmeeessshh. hungry. find me."
we finally found some decent food. not some food side hawker shit. nah. i can risk being down with food posioning for the next 2 days. the place was decent, though it was pretty hard to get a seat. guess the practice at suntec food court was good cos we cld get a seat within the next 5 mins cos there were 4 pairs of eyes staring at people at the table! haha
ramesh eating
bern and his singha
the tom yum's hot
we're done!
i started having some funny rashes thing. and being sticky and sweaty wasn't helping. urgh. it was disjusting. i just wanted to go home.
another thing abt JJ is that there is alot of beggars around. it's really scary cos u see all these kids begging for money. some are crawling on the floor, and really looking filthy and dirty. or there are some that just sit by the side of the road. makes me think how fortunate i am. and how much is 10baht to me? it's 40cents. but i'm so unwilling to part with my money. sigh.
finally got back to the hotel and bathed. it felt soooo gd man.
laura bought us dinner at this thai resaturant near suan lum night bazza. the food was really good and nan finally made a guest appearence!!! woah. it was nice seeing her again man!!! excited!
nan and i
partying
after dinner, the club hopping started. first we went down to this strech of pubs. now the thing abt bkk is that there is no such thing as a boat quay, or a MS, where all the pubs are. the clubs/pubs in bkk are so far apart that it's a bitch to drive to each club. so when i say stretch, there were something like 4 pubs. yes, it's considered a stretch in bkk.
our first stop
nan wiggles!
nan and laura had a function at one of the pubs and had to go there and show face. so off we go, all 6 of us singaporeans, crashing their sassin party. haha. we left soon after, to our next stop, mystic.
mystic
now, mystic looked really promising. it was this avangard building and it looked REALLY cool. i'm starting to think that all clubs in bkk are like zouk. like a plot of land, rather than in a building, (ie chinablack, dbl o).
the exterior
walking in, the first thing i see is this:
how cool is that? first thought, "analyse this". the club interior was really cool. nice... the club is 3 stories and each floor has a different theme. bern opened 2 bottles of vodka. so all of us basically got in free. haha. wat's new right.
first floor
2nd floor
private area where we sat
ok, as cool as looking as it was, it was rather empty for a sat night! according to laura, there was a thai soccer match that night, and when there is, the whole thailand just sits at home and not leave their seats. fine. figures.
so we partied by ourselves. haha.. the 2nd floor where we were on was playing R&B, very much like phuture, and the 1st floor was playing house, very zouk-ish.
things picked up, but by then it was almost 2am ready, so off we go. went to have supper with nan. she brought us to one of those road side places. not bad lar. it was alright food. ramesh paid for dinner but nan was screaming cos she wanted to pay and it was like, "it's my place, this is my place!" it was really loud. VERY nan-ish. hahaha
day 2 in bkk ended at 3.4oam bkk time
Day 3
we were all late. i woke up at 10.30 bkk time and i tell u, i jotted out of bed. called nan to tell her change time to 11.30. then we scooted out of the hotel rm, and went down for some breakfast. as usual, ramesh had his fried rice, and i had my phad thai.
JJ
nan drove to JJ again. we parked pretty far away, so walked. she showed us a side of JJ that i've never been before. this was where all the quality stuff were. it was those factory outlets that sell stuff for around 300baht. that's like 12 bucks a shirt right. nice.
mag really went crazy here. but this time i bought abit more stuff, but still, very quality controlled! hee.
it started to rain and we waited for bern to come. he looks really really cute. like benard. haha... name also around the same man! so we took a cab to nan's car. we all literally jumped and ran into her car from the cab.
we drove down to some other place to have lunch when ramesh realised that he lost his hp. and some sing cash. shit. such a spoiler to the holiday. i think he felt quite bummed out by it, but oh well, good also lar, no one from db can call.
we had lunch at S&P. apparently it was this chain of restaurants in thailand. food was alright only lar, nothing special.
nan had to leave cos her bf was being such an ass. so we decided to go back ourselves. we cldn't find the train station at all man. damn it. where were we? we were lost. and this felt shit man. i was really was pretty scared cos i didn't know where the shit i was. but lucky ramesh was with us. *phew* so in we go and grab a cab, and all the way to the hotel.
decided on dinner at suan lum night bazzar. we walked around, and i was trying to finish some of my baht. didn't really know wat to buy and all, but oh well, just walked around. had dinner at this open air food court kind and there was a stage with live bands playing. it was pretty gd man.
khao sun
clubbing? we decided to head down to khao sun cos i wanted to see it. that was where the beach was filmed. i really loved that show right. but the place was a disappointment man. crappy. urgh. not even one bar that i looked like i wanted to go in and drink.
khao san loi
so we get back into another cab, told the driver to go q bar. the guy looks at us and we're like, shiiitttttttt. this f*cker doesn't know where he's going. urgh. so he drives, and drives and drives, and brings us to some weird diso joint called hollywood. best.
our last night
so we end up at patpong again. this time, we sit at some live band place, where the band was pretty gd, but the drinks were really expensive.
the crowd
3-some?
i don't smile like that!!!
we had a crazy taxi ride back. the dude was like 14 and he was just laughing all the way. it seemed like he was more high than us man. and it felt like the car was going REALLY fast. i looked at the speedometer and guess wat, it was at zero. oh how nice. we were in a defunct cab. nice.
but he was cute lar. really funny.
day 3 in bkk ended at 2.45am bkk time.
Day 4
last day in bkk. was abit scared that mag wasn't going to get her 4 bags back and mine as well. but all's well cos nan's bf came to pass us our stuff. apparently someone smashed her window in an attempt to steal something but oh well.
so nan was caught up in thailand at the police station, insurance company and blah blah blah. we didn't even get to see her at all! sob! sad man.
laura brought us around the whole day, checked out and left the bags in her car. we went to MBK to shop, shop and shop. this was my last attempt to spend all my baht. i guess the less baht u have, the more cautious u are abt wat u are spending right. urgh. but oh, laura paid for the charles and keith shoes in baht, so i had like 1000baht more! whoopi. it's like pocket money! haha...
i got 2 sunglasses, and a really really good imitation of quik boardshorts. it's SO good, i can't tell the difference man. it's really really good! and i was going to give it to alex. ha. kept it for myself! haha...
anyway, that was it. my last few hours in bkk, spent shopping with laura, ramesh and mag. laura drove us to the airport, dropped ramesh off and then parked her car to see us off. she made sure that we got into the gates before she walked away man. haha... she said that if i don't get home it's her fault. hahaha...
flight was delayed a whole hour cos of bad weather. the flight back was half full. slept most of the way. amazed that i slept through the super terbulance. it's amazing that i didn't throw up. but oh well, it's only a 2 hr flight.
i might consider taking valuair again. hum...
landing was super rocky. one of the worst that i've ever sat through. but oh well. i was just happy to be home. VERY happy to be home.
got checked at customs. damn it. do i look like i'll try to smuggle ciggis in?! damn bitch. i just wana go home.
gave my bags to ren and just plopped down. man, i was glad to be back!
day 4 in bkk ended at 11.45pm singapore time.
~*~
i'm back.
tired.
worn.
will update tom.
Friday, July 23, 2004
going to the airport now.
somehow or rather, i'm not really looking forward to bangkok. i think the pple there are abit too wild.
and well, let's just say i ain't wanna be a tiger.
or left there.
i'm going to miss my mummy...
Tuesday, July 20, 2004
as sucky as the day started, it ended pretty gd.
went out with ren in the afternoon. spent some gd quality time with him even though he left to meet char later on. we had a few gd laughs. it seems that he's happier, and more talkative since he came back. perhaphs char's influence. hum...
anyway, wondered around in orchard a while b4 meeting jing at 6.30. had dinner at the tuk tuk thai place at centre pt. it wasn't that good, but i guess since i'm going bkk, i can have all the authentic thai food there man!
yes, leaving on friday, coming back on monday! yippi! finally, i'm going somewhere. and though i think i'm not going to buy much, i really think i'll be shopping and shopping! haha...
excited too cos... this is my first trip alone! haha... ok, minus bintan. and i totally planned everything for this. booked flight, booked hotel, called thailand etc. this is my maiden voyage, and i hope that it'll be a gd and safe one.
anyway, things btw jing and i are gd i think. i guess on her side there wasn't any thing, but for me, i can't deny that a small part of me still hated her, but today, i didn't even have ill feelings towards her. it was like time has turned back and we were still gd friends.
dinner was ok, but after that jing wanted to buy seamless underwear. brilliant. it's so embarrassing to go buy stuff like that with her. firstly, we went to 3 places cos she cldn't get it, and all the salesgirl were let's just say of zero intellect.
"do u have anything that's seamless? i don't want to see the pantyline."
"seeaamm er less? no have... we have this one, new arrival, no seams."
jing and i raise eyebrows
"can i get this in a M or S?"
the sales girl passed jing this lacy one, and i looked at it and it was huge.
"M? that's huge jing, it's bridget jones. my grandmother can wear that."
"yes mdm, it's M, mummy panties."
jing and i just died there and then from laughing so hard.
it was gd to spend some time with her. first time since she came back. gave her a belated present too. hope that she liked it.
well, the kc saga has been put behind, and jing and i are friends again. hum... friends that are worth keeping, really last forever eh.
the sun is out. it's shinning brightly.
now why am i not getting my tann as intended?
don't get me started. it's a long pissing story.
uploaded the pics, will continue with the blog
~*~
party @ velvet
the EM guys brought us out for dinner at some tiong bahru place. the food was good, but it wasn't like fantastic. i guess it was just exotic and expensive. had like janpanese hairy crab, japanese clams that were huge, scallop, frog legs... basically it wasn't the normal zhi cha store. it actually had alot of weird seafood. anyway, the bill came up to $571+. wtf?! fine, there were 13 of us, but still... i wasn't like really full, but i guess it was the quality of the food we ate lar. hum... but it was good.
proceeded on to velvet. winnie from icap footed the bill the whole night. guess that's what good abt it eh? brokers always pay.
velvet was alright only. it was really boring if u ask me. jeff sms me in the afternoon saying that he wld prob come down with alex.
"are you sure you don't want to come?"
"you know i'm always ready to come."
"is that a challenge? we'll see abt that."
how nice.
but he didn't come in the end, and i spent the better half of the time waiting for him. i didn't drink that night cos i was on antibiotics. velvet really looks different when sober. u really take note of how people behave when they're high/drunk and it's weird.
jeanna was there and i called vishal to come immediately. he came and shawn and i tried to be cupid to get some action going, but oh well, da man was shy. oh well... haha...
he can dance pretty well and i had a bit of a groove going on with him. it was pretty cool. he's was gd. haha... he leaned over and said, "so white boys really can't dance," i looked at thomas and yea. white boys can't dance! haha...
jeanne started pulling me to her side to dance with her and all... gave vishal a fest for the eyes! haha... it's not like the way jing and i dance, but it was alright lar. hum... jing and i haven't danced in a while man. shit, we haven't seen each other since she came back! damn it.
then there was a fight.
it was the first flight i ever saw. it was pretty huge. so much so that a table came crashing down on jeanna and i and we were wet from the drinks, and all around was shattered glass. i stepped on a piece of glass but i guess that's ok.
i left early. it was boring. i went in and out lots of time to get people. and it was really boring. maybe i really needed to drink to enjoy myself... hum... and if someone else was there hum...
~*~
the aftermath
sat went for tim sum @ lai gardens. alright lar... it wasn't that good. really! i think the tung lok one is so much better! really! oh well... nmind i guess... bought marcus lunch cos he was leaving for aussie ready. idiot didn't want to tell me his flight details. good also lar i guess, otherwise i wld really have to go down.
church. hum... well, serene made me feel weird. went early to talk to her, but she totally ignored me, guess she was busy with the flags and stuff. but still, i told her that i was going to meet her. fine. there goes it. i'm not telling her anything.
altercall. i shed a tear. i repented yes, and i know i won't do it again. i won't.
had dinner @ tony romas with family. bought them dinner. oh well. i seem to be the one paying and paying. damn it. but at least everyone's happy.
talked to angie at night. and i really fell asleep while she was talking! so bad right! but she said something that really struck me.
"you're a very guarded person, very strong willed. u build walls around to prevent people from hurting u. and now, God is putting u through this to tear down your walls. but u're building a thicker layer. soon, u'll not be able to feel anything."
hum. i'm still reflecting on that.
~*~
a lazy sunday
skipped SOL. just didn't want to go. went to have lunch with the family. but it sucked.
had tuition. that sucked too cos it was crappy. made me wait .5hr cos they were late. hum... and didn't even msg to tell me! crap!
spent the rest of the time being an ahmad fetching everyone around! grr...
~*~
that was the week that has passed. too much to absorb and reflect. will do so bit by bit
all of us
danny and chris, the twins!
Damn F*cking Good!
doo? no doo? doo again?
the DOC is in!
me and the guys
aurelius and me
shawnnnnn
can't believe that i've not blogged for ages. that's it. no more complains of no time, too tired, too lazy, or wat nots. this is it. i shall attempt to write the longest blog i've ever written.
the past week...
this was my last week @ db. sigh... it was really frantically trying to tie up the lose ends of my project and trying to get my presentation in act. i stayed back in the office on wed tuesday until midnight! talked to basically everyone that i could find to get feedback on my project/presentation. tien told me nicely that it was crap. paul chen just irritated me when he passes rude comments when he passes my table. wtf. that guy shld get a pet or something. bernard said it was alright, and he gave me tips on how to handle some of the panelist and their expected kind of questions.
talked to vishal from 8 to like midnight. seriously as much as he irritates me ( in a gd way of course), i've actually grown fond of that guy. dude, he smokes and drinks so much that it's ridiculous, and yet, when he starts talking abt the markets and financial historical background, he has so much to say that i don't know. guess i can't judge a guy by the cloud of smoke that bubbles him. he really helped me alot and gave me alot of pointers. i appreciated that man.
i think that my time @ db has made me foster some friendships that i know i will keep. other than that, i made some really good contacts. these are the people that i know have the power to pull strings and get me at least an interview somewhere next year when i need help.
buck has really been encouraging me and "showering" me with "praises". i guess he's approval counts to me, cos he's really high up and he's the one that actually got me through this internship. he was the final panelist for my interview and he let me through. i needed to know y.
through out the 10 weeks here, he never said anything. he refused in fact. but as my time got nearer and nearer the end of my 10 weeks there, he told me more and more on y they hired me. they saw potential and wat i lacked in academics, i made up with my personality. so i guess that's a gd thing eh? he said, "u're only abit rookie, and lack confidence, but that will be built up, u'll be fine."
every single day, i'll literally get crap from every single person, and talking to buck really makes me feel better. my spirits are uplifted when he engages me in really mind stimulating and intriging conversation. exercising my intellect. on the last day, he finally told me why. they said that i had a strong spirit, and that i'm not one to take shit lying down. i'm a fighter and a believer in wat i profess. he said that he liked wat he saw these past 10 weeks, and will speak to the senior panel on my offer status.
y?
cos i bombed out on my presentation.
it was so horrible it's not even funny. i'm not sure whether to be thankful for a fast death, or wld i rather a slow and torturous skinning of me. hum... ponder ponder.
~*~
the moment of truth
my stomach churned so bad in the morning of the presentation. i've never felt that way b4 anything in a long time. not at exams, not at results, not when i know a r/ship ending. the last time i felt like that was standing at toa payoh swimming complex, looking at the crowd of people. the screams and shouts fade in the background as i take my place behind the standing board. i'm in the zone. psyching myself up for the race. my heart is threatening to do a false start. that was how i felt. i kept telling myself to keep my eye on the finishing line, to be calm. i said a little prayer, and sang abit, but God knows that i'm not the exact saint at this moment. so i felt guilty.
it was a fast death.
i came out and walked to my desk in silence. i did a mental check of the trading floor. a photograhic image registered in my mind. this is my last look at it. chris saw my face and said, that bad ar? ... don't cry. and aurelius came over and asked how it went. then paul with the booming voice came over and asked. at that pt i knew that i had to leave. i went behind closed doors and cried. it was horrible. i let myself down, i let my chance at this career go.
as much as i'll like to sulk around and mope, i can't. i can't be crying at my desk, exposing my weak and fragile nature. i needed to put on my strong face. i'm strong. i'm hard. building my walls up again.
shawn and i took a long break at starbucks. we were discussing abt employment at JP. heard that barclays is hiring. nice.
~*~
farewell drinks at balacalvas @ suntec
it was a nice change from palauna's. really enjoyed just chilling with some of the guys. hanging out and not talking abt work.
until bryan turned to me, "u weren't very interested in your project eh?"
it's like being splashed with cold water while having sex. yes. that was the feeling. not that i've experienced it, but i'm sure that's how it wld have felt. will update when and if i experience it later in life. :D
but i did have fun. took lots of photos. will upload some later.
went down wala wala to find luyi later. the band was pretty gd, though i sat at a weird angle so oh well... it's abit too loud for my liking, but i think i might go back again. oh, and the "bouncer" is disgusting. and moronic as well.
supper @ newton with hanson and friend followed.
~*~
friday @ db
it's weird waking up for work when u know it's ur last day. this is my last EVER day at db.
went around the day as usual. got coffee, talk to buck, get irritated with vishal... same things.
we had an early lunch and went down bloomberg for classes. daniel is being irritating cos he doesn't want to convert our db accounts! crap. oh well...
anyway, aurelius and i went around looking for presents for the guys. after walking ALL and i really mean ALL over, we finally got them stress balls in the shape of a yellow smiley face. that was pretty cute. and they all liked it, cos according to aurelius, it felt like something. hum...
went around and said my goodbyes. it seemed so superficial to go around and "thanks, bye", but i did anyway. got a few well wishes and stuff. but mainly it's all cock lar. the main people i cared abt, i wrote them individual cards to thank them. more personalised.
i'm tired. will continue again tom.
this is really a long blog.
Sunday, July 18, 2004
! You are most Like A Sapphire !Dark, mysterious - but unforgettable. You have a
deepbeauty. Delicate, and shy you try to stay away from
thelimelight but often your intelligence puts you in
at thedeep end. You're like a Sapphire, because, your
beauty is priceless.You're intelligent, full of opinions, and not
big-headed about it all.Sometimes you need to put yourself out there, as
you can be a bit shy.Congratulations ... You're the mysterious gem
everybody wants to have and learn more about.
?? Which Precious Gem Are You ??
brought to you by
Saturday, July 17, 2004
tired.
first time i slept during service and didn't even try to keep awake.
i actually wanted to sleep. gosh.
what's becoming of me...
Wednesday, July 14, 2004
CRAZY ONE. You need crazy partners. You dont mind
if he/she takes alc or drugs or smokes he is
not allowed to be boring. Open-Minded for
everything our partner should spent much time
with you. Your partner shall be spontaneous and
love danger. It is not that important if she/he
is rich or if he/she cuts his nails she/he must
follow you .You take the domination over the
relationship, you decide most of the times
where to go. If the sex is not good (any
more)you quit the relationship
For you it is better to leave than to see your
love restrained.
PLEASE VOTE, I want to know what you think about my
quiz, I worked hard on it.You can always
message me or tell me how I can improve that
quiz. Ill sure write back.
~THE big LOVE TEST!! What do you need? With PICS! For girls and boys!~
brought to you by Quizilla
1) presentation on thurs
2) slides to be submitted tom
3) not done
4) i know shit
5) worried ( refer 1-3, esp 4!)
6) tired (refer to 2,3)
7) short blog (refer to 1-6)
Sunday, July 11, 2004
just had my hair cut.
decided to do it finally after i kept postponing it weekend after weekend. i decided to try "next", the pretty chic looking place at HV. it's not that i fancied cutting my hair in plain view of everyone, but well, i decided to feel pampered.
i was recomended to titus, who was going to be my hairstylist. i kinda expected this funky gayish guy to cut my hair, but oh well... at least i got the gay part correct. it was this lardy guy that came over and started to cut my hair.
i'm mean? haha... ok lar... at least he was nice. we had a nice conversation, though it was the polite kind. i mean, how much can he talk to me abt?!! i prefered the shampoo boy though. the really say kind. with funky hair and all. nice. but faggoty as well...
the verdict on my hair? hum... nothing special i guess. i mean, how bad can half an inch off be? i just like it now cos the top is thinner... will be dying it next week, so let's just wait to see how that one turns out.
~*~
this week is the last week of my internship. i really need to show them my power man. it's time to sprint to the end. i hope my presentation goes fine, with the end result of cos to be employed. but i dunno man. i hope things turn out well. ie. nothing bad goes around my reputation. i really hope it's kept under wraps and that pple remember me for at i'm gd for, rather than wat i'm not.
i told serene that i'm going to take this job if it's offered to me, regardless of wat God wants me to do. i'm not going to sit around and pray whether it's the right path because it's really an opportunity of a lifetime. but that's IF they offer me a job. oh well. i just want the chance to go all over the world and work. and earn big bucks. that too! woohoo.
but first, i must make things right.
it seems so hard to make things right. i know i have to, and i know i have to face the consequences. i'm not a coward that will run away or hide in a corner thinking that things wld turn out fine.
i need to face it.
and make it right.
Saturday, July 10, 2004
how can i tell someone?
somethings you want to say but just can't find the words.
some words you want to say, but don't know how to start.
sometimes after you start talking, u regret, but you can't seem to stop...
let me conqurer stage 1 first...
it was the longest time i ever took from marriot to zouk. wah cow...
every single jerk, every single stop light seem to last forever and vodka orange was threatening on defying gravity.
oh how nice.
was out with lynn, alex, bernard and some others. jeff wasn't there. i was just trying not to sms him to ask whether he's coming down. but i sms-ed him in the end, "party?", guess not then.
anyway, my head's throbbing and i'm still threatening to throw up. that makes it 3 times when i've felt like this. i really wonder how come i cldn't drink. maybe it's cos i was just sitting down and not dancing like i normally wld. or maybe the drinks were really too strong. crazy nuts. open 2 bottles. oh well... but at least everything is free man.
anyway, getting back to that, i'm SO sorry for not making it down to velvet!!! sorry sorry.
next week i'm definitely there cos well... it's my last day at deutsche!
Thursday, July 08, 2004
first time i had dinner at home at 7pm in 9 weeks.
sat at the dinner table and i ate soooo much. my mum turns to me and says, "gynaecologist aren't making alot of money nowadays, singapore birth rate is falling."
how i beg to differ.
how ironic.
i'm all good and well.
xcept for a bit of wear and tear. i'll live.
felt like a normal kid for the first time in 9 weeks when i cld go out on the weekday and just hang around. well, not hang but... at least with my friends. or friend. or watever.
realised that i've just got grounded for the next 2 weeks. damn it. i'm going to be soooo bored on fri. hahahha... but i dunno lar... perhaphs i'm just disillusioning myself.
i know i bury myself in my self dillusional ways and just live in my own ally mcbeal fantasy world. it's easier that way.
had a really good talk with luyi today. yes, we had a good girl talk. one that i haven't had with any one in a long time. sigh...
i think less of myself... i shld have more intellectual and penetrating thoughts...
Wednesday, July 07, 2004
i just booked a hotel online from priceline. damn it. and now i'm thinking that i shldn't have done it.
but wait. i've just got an email saying that ... it's not booked! woohoo! hahaha... happy. grin.
i just had the best tiramisu EVER. and it's been delivered to my house somemore!!! wah. wat more can i ask for?!! i have good friends man. thanks for being there, and helping me get through this rough time. i still laugh at those that CANNOT MAKE IT. oh well. it's a relative thing lar...
no work tom!! woohoo. self declared day off. hope i'll get some good news tom. i hope so... either that or some mean stares... hee...
if there is no food at home, don't tell me that there is.
don't tell me to eat at home when u'll scold me when i want to eat.
if u're reluctent to feed me, don't.
today went bowling with the interns.
i suck at bowling. from the time that i was with jack, i told myself... NO BOWLING. yes, i've been to so many competitions and watched all the pros bowl... it seems so easy, but hey, it's not. i've got like horrible scores. haha...and aurelius can bowl. damn it. he's such a liar... haha... wat can i expect from a father of a 8m kid? hum...
told got pointers from paul chen. it wasn't seem like he was shooting me down, but i just felt abit bad... but wat advise he gave me was good. sell urself. make urself count. how did u make a difference. and don't talk abt getting coffee/lunch/papers and shit. how did i contribute to the bank, that losing me wld be their loss and JP/barclays/ubs/citi's gain?! i need to think abt that.
and buck told me i had potential today. he really spoke words that edified me today and boy, i was pleased. he said, "u have potential". and i guess that's what i have, potential. perhaphs i'm still naive, but yea, that's it. i take everything at face value. perhaphs i really need to read into people more.
sigh
Tuesday, July 06, 2004
i lost my cross.
but i dunno whether i wanna find it.
it was a progressive loss, and i didn't know until the chain broke and it's gone.
i guess i cld get a new one, but it won't be the same.
it can never be.
Sunday, July 04, 2004
i'm sore.
i'm screwed.
yes, we had a really good laugh over eh? XXX... haha...
and i guess i have to exercise my fingers more.
i was on a pun roll today. ah... the irony of it all...
