Thursday, September 30, 2004
kc and i danced.
jt was there, gary was there.
gosh, it was like old times. it felt like old times.
gary told me things that i wished he didn't tell me.
but it's been so long.. things between us are long over... and now u want to regret? apparently you're not going to do anything abt it cos u're leaving in 2 weeks.
that's like deja vu man. wtf... it was this reason 4 years ago, 2 years ago and now this. 3 years ago it was "we're still young", 1 year ago was "i like someone else"... come on dude... got to get more creative here.
as much as you have wronged me or have cheated me... i have no ill feelings... yes, despite my constant rambling on my blog... but i have moved on... i have been with other people, and so have u...
why come back when u know i always have a soft spot for u? i'm not a spare tire... though i look like one...
at least i was with gene when i saw kc. haha... i always dreamt of the day when i'll meet kc when i have a good looking guy strung over my shoulders... and this... was exactly my dream!!! haha...
gene was very automatic... the minute i told him that kc and jt were my ex-s, his hand went across my waist and the other over my shoulder and introduced himself to them. talk abt making k & j jealous!!! haha... i likeeeeeeeee
but i am going over to his place this weekend... a secret rendevous? haha... nice... perhaps reliving the past... maybe.... but i think it'll be a small gathering with jt and gary too lar... that wld be nice... haha... just to catch up on old times before he leaves...
a fling? a one night affair? nah... don't have the time, and i don't think i can do it with him... it'll be too painful, with all the memories coming back... sigh... can't do it, won't do it. gotta keep a level head, and just say no.
yes, if only no was that easy to say.
Wednesday, September 29, 2004
i am so damn tired it's not funny.
tuition is starting to take a toll on me as i struggled to stay awake during jess's tuition today. hey, teaching english is boring ok. wonder how mummy does it.
yawn... came home and collasped on the bed at 8pm. that's how tired i was! woke up at 2 and have been studying since. grr... not very productive but i really got to get my fna1002 assignments done. shit... that's wat happens when u slack for 8 weeks.
bad tania.
went to see my international paper today. turns out... get this... she didn't minus any marks. i just did damn badly for it. OH SHIT. this is the worst i've ever done for a econs paper and it has honestly shocked me.
well, obviously not enough to start studying right away... but u get my drift.
i will start studying once tuition is over. yipes. i hate my life.
hsbc thing is tom. going to feel funny wearing a suit to the meeting. i am going to feel so out of place... grr... hope it'll go well. sigh
Sunday, September 26, 2004
i think i am getting old
i know i like to reminise of the past... but here i go again.
went down to the club for a swim. not sure whether i can call it a leisure one, but it was a pretty gd work out. i am not in a good shape.
anyway, uncle victor was there teaching kids how to swim. hey, i used to be like those kids, splashing water around, just swimming for 45min, and 15min of polo. hee.
i think i've swam competively for the better part of my life... so much so that it doesn't seem to be for fun anymore. but hey, i want to put the fun back in swimming. i want to go there and splash water, play with super soakers and run abt.
i had a deprived childhood.
but today at the club, i saw so many familes just swimming together, having fun, and there i was, powering my laps. sigh. wat's wrong with this pic.
but i shall try to put the fun back in exercising... that way i wld enjoy it, and i'll keep on doing it. yippie yay.
i need to lose weight. phaut.
Saturday, September 25, 2004
i am not happy
this despite me buying my new pair of nikes today. hee. happy. but it's by far the most expensive pair of nikes i ever bought... and it was only $107.
now now... the number of shoes i have bought my entire life, i can count on 1 hand... slippers and heal shoes... now that's a different matter.
comon. when do i ever need shoes? when i was in jc, when i run, when i go to the gym. that's it. so why bother buying one that's so expensive, or just for fashion? nah... i always get those on sale, those rejects or just those odd sizes. yes. i'm cheapo.
so u can understand my pain when i paid 107 for this pair of shoes.
but, it's nice... er... the nicest one i cld find at least...
nmind. that's not why i'm unhappy.
i told u pick me up at 8pm. right... damn it. call u at 815 and where are u? haven't even had ur dinner. damn it.
i was so pissed that i took a cab back. yes, spend more money... urgh. i hate it lar, when they want me to do something i got to get it done immediately with a capital I. sigh.
this world is just not far.
they don't understand what i'm going through. no body does. DAMN IT
Friday, September 24, 2004
http://straitstimes.asia1.com.sg/topstories/story/0,4386,274284,00.html?
here's the link for all those who didn't believe me before.
hey, pm lee looks quite groovy ok.
pop's mightly pissed that i've been still going out despite school starting.
yes, school has started for 7 weeks already... but i still am keeping late nights. this i blame on my 3 days of school only. tsk tsk. i've never felt so unproductive before!
yes, i've not been studying, not been doing my readings, my tutorials and all. i'm just cruising through uni life, giving tuition, going out... mostly going clubbing on fri nights with the db people.
now i know that this has got to stop.
for the next 3 weeks, i'm bombarded with tuition kids. my kids exams are coming soon and for the next 3 weeks, i have to teach them every single day. sometimes i have 2 tuition sessions per day. it's ridiculous. but after that, all's gd.
all the time in the world, just for me.
but yes, i shall cut down on my late nights. can't go out and boogie woogie till 3/4 am now... gotta be the good girl that my parents want me to be and stay at home and study.
and i need to, cos my grades are dependent on it! grr... i really want a job at deutsche so i can just hurry on and grad, knowing that i have a job waiting for me.
but alas... this is all in my fantasy... who wld want to employ me when there are the econs gods and myths out there? i'm only a commoner... tsk tsk.
the pap is getting happening.
i open the papers today and wat do i see?
pm lee dancing on the platform at zouk. yes. the platform. i was just there the night before, grooving to the likes of berlinda carlise and evana spagna...
it's crazy.
and i thought dr vivian was hip to be the guest of honour @ uk bound at chinablack... this zouk thing is incredible.
never wld i thought that the pap wld hold an event at zouk, must less a night club... comon, playing retro music? to them this was prob rock.
but i am at a loss of words. i can only say well done... and clap... the ah beng way as i wld, only on wed nights
Thursday, September 23, 2004
woah, this is cool. i just realised that they posted the IFG pics online. damn cool. and guess wat? i'm in one of them!! haha... yippie yay.
guess which one!!
have u ever drank so much that tequila came out of your nose?
no? well... neither have i.
i shld have stoppped at the vodka ribeana at dbl o, or the last tequila shot... but no... i had to order 4 lychee martinis and 2 more pinapple malibu. best
got picked up by 2 guys at the bar... seems that he's auz classmate! haha... the world is just too small man! AND... later on the way back from the toilet, i met auz!! damn it. how qiao is that?!! shit... and then auz came to join us while jamie and i were at the back dancing.
i was actually facing him dancing, but it just got too weird... haha... 10 yrs ago we were playing hopscotch in school together and now we're dancing with other people. haha... that was weird lar. i told jamie that i cldn't face auz so i changed place with him... haha...
but last night was bad... drank too much. way too much.
i like the feeling last night, where everything was fun cos i drank too much. but after that... woahz. not good.
puked when i got home, (but that's normal), woke up at 7am to puke, 9am, 11am... then i decided to just eat something. and guess wat. there wasn't any food at home. DAMN it.
went out to eat bak kut teh at the coffee shop. amazing that i've stayed here for 9 years and i've never eaten the bkt. haha... it was alright only lar. didn't finish it though. i ordered too much for one person!! haha... greedy mah. but i have a craving for the bkt soup. it was too peppery though.... but alright on the whole. i didn't even eat it with the you tiao! my tummy don't feel that gd lar... damn.
crap. got tuition later. urgh. i hate it. BLEH. but the money's gd, and well... i might have to give them up soon. sigh.
i still feel like throwing up. no more drinking... for this week...
Wednesday, September 22, 2004
i am not happy
i did so freaking badly for the midterm. shitttttttttttttttt
now i'm wondering whether it has anything to do with being caught "cheating"
firstly, I DID NOT CHEAT. i was only talking to daniel after the paper was over. and that stupid bitch came over and confiscated our papers. come on. everyone was talking. it's just so suay that we got caught.
come on. why the fuck are u so niao? is this like the first year u are teaching in nus or something? in singapore, we do this. go back to ur white land bitch.
i'm irritated.
but then again, she could have NOT minus marks, AND i just did damn badly on my own... sigh... see lar, don't wanna study lar... crap.
fine. i will study harder. urgh
Tuesday, September 21, 2004
i think i talk too much for my own good.
had hi tea with bern and ah kee at regent.
we talked and of course after we have no more to talk abt ourselves, we talk abt others.
it seems like he is really happy to be a father. but i don't understand. is it possible to love your wife and be excited abt a kid when u're flying off the shanghai to go for shanghainese girls?
can u love someone with all ur heart and yet have someone outside because u're bored of looking at the same person at night every night.
"you eat rice everyday not xian meh?"
this is something i don't understand abt guys... how can u get married, settle down and still wanna play around outside? it's like having ur cake and eat it.
now now... everyone knows that u can't do that. it's just simply not fair.
but is it just me thinking this way? am i imposing my views of the world on others... i've been told that i judge people. ren said that i judge pple based on wat i think is right. it just isn't fair to judge based on my standard. but how then? do i just see their behaviour as acceptable because they don't think there's anything wrong to it?
the world has changed man... either that or i've been brought up thinking that the world is so merry and round. just cos my family is still together doesn't mean that no one out there has a broken family.
but i wld like to think that when the time comes, my partner will be faithful and not fool around outside. either that or i can always leash him up.
maybe i shldn't voice my opinion too much. i ain't no saint too.
"let anyone without sin be the first to throw a stone"
but the more i judge people, the more people will start to judge me in the same way. i really am no saint. some things that i've preached but not practiced. bern prob thinks i'm a hyprocrite. but he doesn't know the whole story... it was a mistake.
i shld not voice my opinions on these contraversial issues. wat i like, is not the norm.
hey, i can't shit where i eat right...
neither can i bring my own cha siew pao to yum cha...
so how now? keep my mouth shut and just nod my head? and just be stunned at how diverse and liberal this world is now?
maybe i'm too young. maybe staying in singapore has made me really sheltered. maybe it's just not time for me to open my eyes... and see things that i knew existed, but not so common...
everyone's left.
sigh
Monday, September 20, 2004
i'm sneezing.
if there's a prize for the worst nose in the world, i might actually win something.
oh oh oh, i bought 4D over the weekend, 6811, my hsbc registration number.
2811 came out. best.
guess it's best that i don't max out the luck huh.
~*~
i was looking for food. particularly those yummy choc biscuits that mummy always buys. i cldn't find it outside so i went in my bro's room to find them.
so my bro goes, "biscuit? here..." and he pts down south
"i don't want your limp discuit..."
now that was a low blow. hahaha
i am pissed.
it's obvious that i'm PMS-ing.
having not had proper sleep for the past few days, i have school today. TODAY! it's holiday. and wat am i doing? damn it, i'm in school.
and to top it off, i'm sick. my nose is running faster than uk shaym, my head is spinning and my eyes are damn pain. i don't think it's the contacts that's still lodged somewhere inside... just think i'm being cranky.
got a new blog outlook. it's more pretty, more girly... compared to the last one at least. no, it's not cos i was saved from the dark side, but more cos it was just so hard to read.
i am tredding on the dark side.
i've got my cell leader hounding me cos i've MIA for a while. but really, i've been busy. it's not that i don't wanna go, it's just that i can't.
db called today. got through to the second row of interviews. now, am i supposed to be happy?
let's see, i had 3 options coming out for there:
1. they outrightly deny me
2. they wanna interview me again
3. they outrightly make an offer
i am, well, the mean, median, and the mode.
the interviews are in i think 4 weeks time, cos they still have the campus recruitment to do. that gives me another 4 weeks to brush up on things that i don't know, have to know and am/was supposed to know. damn it. more work.
hsbc interview is in a week. got to get my act together man. aiyoh.
sick. nose running. pmsing.
i'm in a foul mood
my baby just left on a jet plane.
i sang the song as i parked the car, and walked towards the departure gate. people were looking at me... but maybe that's cause i was singing... out loud.
holding back tears?
not really.
it wasn't like last year when all hell broke loose and the dam opened. damn. i teared in the car back.
the funny thing is that i cld control the tears, but i thought it'll be good for me if i actally cried... some people find it weird that i can't cry, others think i need a psycharist. but see, i can cry, and yes, i can still feel.
have i started to miss him?
abit
life will be different. but then again, i know it's inevitable. he has to study and well, if it means spending over a third of a million, and travelling almost 15hrs to school... so be it.
i take 15 mins on 151 to nus.
we all have to leave sometime.
we have grown wings, and as much as we wld like to stay hidden in the shadows of our parents being spoonfed, we have to grow up.
"give them wings, but give them roots as well" -SM Goh, the then PM
true
i know he will come back.
eating at newton b4 going
at terminal 1
Sunday, September 19, 2004
i'm starting to really like my hair.
not cos i'm unrecognisable. not cos it only takes 5 min to dry. not cos i need so little shampoo.
but cos i think i look more funky and definitely younger.
i'm still thinking of the eyebrow ring.
anyway, i went down to take passport photos for my resumes... so i had to put on really thick makeup and draw my eyes right... and had to wear a jacket too. aiyoh.
the guy looks at me and goes, resume ar?! and i'm like yeap.
so there i sit, he asks me to turn her, lift my chin, tilt my head...
"i don't wanna look like insurance agent ar..."
"er... real estate agent can?"
damn it.
ask anyone who has seen any of my cards that have a photo on it. they know wat i mean when i say that i'm an insurance agent.
here are some pics:
in case more people make the same mistake:
i was wearing a tube mind you
had a drink @ hv, breakos with luyi.
damn fred.
anyway, had a nice time catching up, though it was a pretty short while out.
then i joined jerry, soon ann they all at this place called the wine bar at dempsey road. i'm not sure whether i got caught on a speeding camera, but i don't know.
i think i slowed down in time. 80 on a 60 road. that's ok right
let's just say that the whole gang did not recognise me. sigh.
jerry looked at me a few times, with no sign of recognition on his face wat so ever. i'm not sure wat he was thinking when he looked at me. prob mentally giving me a rating. =(
anyway, everyone was pretty stunned to see me.
i think didn't recognise me is the word.
i consol myself that i made my $42 haircut at reds worth it. at least i look different. haha.
i don't know abt jerry. he's ... he's ... hum, well, let's just say that i think i might be interested to know him better. just to see whether we can click as something more. if not, then i don't think so.
but i wld like to get to know him better. or enough .
i have never understood aurelius when he got turned off by this girl who gave him 4 missed calls in a span of 10 mins.
now i do.
in a span of 15min, i have 8 miss calls, 1 voice mail and 2 sms. all from v
i get it. i'm wanted.
it's not that it's urgent.
it's not that he's poliet.
he smses, "damnit, where are u"
how am i supposed to respond to that?!
i'm staying at home today cos ren's flying off today. has 3 mths passed just like that?! sigh. trying to spend as much time as i can with him now, considering he's leaving in like 9 hrs time.
so y the hell shld i accomodate u?! i told u i want to spend time with my bro. go away, fuck off.
u don't need me, go find a puppy dog or something
Saturday, September 18, 2004
i lost my contacts.
erm, right one i think.
i have a sneaky suspect that it's still some where in my right eye. damn it. i'm scared.
damn those who have gone for lasik and don't feel my pain.
Friday, September 17, 2004
today was gd.
but i didn't study!!!! damn!
but today was gd.
time has passed. i've not wore the uniform in a long time. 5 yrs to be exact.
all of us with mrs. s c tan
jing and i
in the concourse
jess, vic and i ( we sat a death machine over to mg)
Thursday, September 16, 2004
midterm on sat.
ivp on sat.
not that i'm training though.
or studying.
sigh. i look around at the legend, the myth and the god... and i look at myself.
have i climbed mt everst already and think that there's nothing left to achieve? am i getting the john nash syndrome?
why?
perhaphs i'm burnt out from studying too hard in my 10 yrs of singapore education. being in the elite schools in the better part of my life has sapped all of my energy and drive to continue my pursuit for excellence.
and yet, when i look at the econs powers, they have been performing mediocore all their life, and they're taking uni studies as they're time to shine.
"u reach so far and u don't wanna study? this is the time to pia" says the econs myth
why don't i feel like that?!
i believe if i study as hard as i did for my undergrad as i did for my Os... i'll prob be on par with ah kee man.
or not
but i know i'll be getting better grades than now. sigh.
i just wanna grad and get out of here man.
the world outside is so nice and beautiful...
Tuesday, September 14, 2004
i just watched "the terminal". it is such a good show!!!
i'm gushing at how gd it is. somehow i wished that tom hanks and jones wld end up together... but oh well...
but this was a show that i really enjoyed!!! i was funny and there was love and there were times when i went awah...
and it had nothing to do with the person i watched it with.
who likes being asked out last mintue?!!
well, since i really wanted to watch the show... i said ok. besides, it was his birthday and i wanted to pass him his pressent. haha... maybe it's also cos he always pays! haha... yes, i'm utimately cheap...
hey, i might be free, but i ain't cheap.
anyway, he drives like he owns the road, behaves like money talks (i know it does, but still), and like he's so damn good looking. but why do i still go out with him then?
maybe cos i can tahan just a bit of j-luvv once a month, or the most, once every 2 weeks. but if i have to face him like everyday... i might die.
so yes, no relationship, but friendship's fine with me.
and yes, if anyone wants to build a fountain for me, go ahead.
and i'm waiting. have always been, will always will.
Monday, September 13, 2004
i realised that this blog is read by more people than i thought.
and it's only recently that i feel that i shld keep some private thoughts... well, private.
as such, i decided to keep a written diary. or rather, continue with my old one.
i fished it out from under my drawer and wanted to continue writing in it, but i flipped to the next empty page and i cldn't find one! haha... i checked the last dated entry and it was like 2 yrs ago.
gosh. has it been that long?
i started a new one then, in this really nice bk that i bought from bkk when i was there. it's this thai silk one, and it's really pretty. at least i'm making gd use of it now.
but before i started writing in that... i read my old one.
woah. times have changed.
things that i have promised and written in bold that i'll never do, i've done. things that i said i wld do, i didn't. and well... i think after reading wat i wrote 2 yrs ago, i really think that we do change as individuals over the years.
perhaphs when i'm reading this blog 2 yrs from now, everything wld be diff too. my piorities, my outset on life, my take on relationships, and i guess ultimately, my values.
yes, values do change. they are affected by the media, current affairs and most imptly, the people around u.
my values have indeed change.
i've read stuff i've written abt lg, jt, rt and kc... and i roll my eyes. was i ever that innocent and naive? how in the world did i ever imagine that i wld have a future with them, let around marry them?
i look at alex now and i scream at him for not studying... and yet, when i was his age, i did the same thing. puppy love, distractions, tv... i was there once, and yet, i'm giving him a hard time.
guess i have different standards.
but it amazes me to think of how much i've grown in the past 2 yrs. i've become wiser and fatter (i kept a monthly entry on my weight and vital stats)... but am i still the same person? wld someone still recognise me after 2 yrs and say, "some things don't change" or "u're totally not the tania i knew"
i wld like to think that i'm still the same person who values the same things over time. but i guess we all have to grow up.
i feel kinda dissappointed at the way i turned out. i mean, after reading all my ambitions and aspirations, i've come no where near that. i've fallen short of my own expectations and that's pretty sad if u ask me.
lawyer? nah. lost weight? not enough. found love? next question...
i can't wait to read what i wrote 2 yrs from now.
Saturday, September 11, 2004
thoughts on last night:
i know i've said some bad stuff abt alex and his after hours activities, and considering his married....
but i mean, if that's all that they do, i think it's alright. alright cos he doesn't actually bring a girl home, but just have them sit around and entertain u.
but then again, he might be toned down cos i was there. i don't know.
but if married life is going to be like that, i'm going to keep my husband on a leash man.
i guess guys will be guys right.
like i had lunch with buck and aurelius and this dude from london, and the way they speak abt women... gosh. it's really damn sexist man. shittttttttttt
and aurelius said that he just broke up with his girl and that he was experience a drought. haha... damn funny... he said that if this carries on for a year he thinks he might just die.
"better watch out when i sneeze"
i think that was his exact words. hahhaa... that was funny. even though it took me a while to get it.
so now i'm thinking abt all these stuff. hum.... too much to ponder on for my pea brain.
guess i'm disappointed that life has just turned out like that. is it too much to still think that marriage life can be like my parents, all nice and rosy... maybe i'm too traditional or conservative. i don't know man...
i wld like it all, even the white picket fence.
i had a blast last night. REALLY
well, it started off pretty bad, when i practically screamed at my babby for cancelling on me. shit man. i feel soooo bad. sorry sorry. i buy u 50cent ice tea to make up for it ok. so sorry.
went rather late though, reached there around 1230. met a few db pple there. most of them just stared at me blankly and then realised that it was me!! haha....
bern gave me a nice big hug as usual and lynn was there too. nice... so long never see her. she's really a nice genuine person man.
alex was standing across me, he was talking to some people as he saw me looking at him. he looked past me, looked in my direction and stared. and then he beckoned me come with his index finger.
pushing past crowds to talk to him, he did have a funny smile on his face. this smile i only see after a few... ok alot of drinks! haha...
"nice, u're sure going to pick up alot of guys like this. i like it. it's different."
we talked and i'm surprised at how much he actually remembers of our previous conversations. i'm impressed and actually abit flattered. here i am talking to someone who makes a 6 figure sum and he's actually interested in wat i say!!
"we're leaving soon, going somewhere naughty. wanna come?"
i laughed it off. THEN he was serious.
"come lar. just look see look see. it'll be fun"
so i mingled with the rest of them, still deciding whether i wanna go. i knew i wanted to see what goes on there, and i was assured that it was a clean place. in fact, it's the top creme la creme nightclub in singapore. woah.
i wanted to see man.
i spent the remainding time talking to aijaz and beng. nice people lar. we all left discretely, alex first and then he called me over.
as i hopped onto his porsche at the hotel, i cld feel alot of eyes looking in my direction. opps. so i'm one of those girls. right.
lemon? more like banana. haha. i had such a hard time remembering what fruit he used to descibe it. drank too much man.
the place is really posh. i won't consider it in vogue, but really really ultimately high class, definitely not sleezy... and the girls were.... alright lar. there was only one that i thought was pretty, and the rest were just... yucks. or rather, i have something against prc.
i think the mood was already set. i didn't need to feel akward, everyone was already enjoying themselves cos well... alcohol does wonders eh.
we played some games, and i had to eat some watermelon peel man. sheesh... but this can't compare to wat alex did.
haha... poor dude, play until lose his pants. haha... THAT was funny man.
oh... but while i was coming out of the toilet, steve walked past me and i said "hey"
"u're with alex right. take gd care of him ok. he's my good friend. show him a gd time"
NOW, do i look like a freaky prostitue to u? i didn't get it at first, (yes, i know i'm WOLS, but hey, there was alcohol), but i soon got it.
i charmingly fended him off, (i hope) and retreated back in.
the night ended soon enough with the club closing at 3. alex and i went down and i didn't wanna get driven home in a druken's porsche, and well... i did wanna get home, my home. so i took a club. lucky thing there was a cab waiting for me.
alex, very gentlemanly opened the door and gave me a gd night kiss and hug. he's damn cute when he's all red.
Friday, September 10, 2004
i walked in unsure of wat i was going to do. was wearing this short red tarten skirt that i haven't worn in a long time cos i only used to wear it for one person.
i'm not sure whether i was over concious, but there were alot of people staring at me.
perhaphs my skirt is too short and my legs are too phat. hum...
i tried a new place, and i think i'll keep going back. kevin low, reds at bugis. he's this young funky looking guy and i think he cuts really well. i just hope he's not gay and run off to uk and get married like kelvin. DAMN it, i just saw the similarity in the name.
after the cut,
kevin: this style suits your look now, esp your skirt
me: why? cos it's too short?
kevin: no lar... cos it's very hippi jappi look...
*pauses*
yea, and short as well.
so yes... i have short hair now. bye evita haircuts and rubber bands. i tried to run my hand through my hands, but i can't! heck, i can't even try to grab some hair!!! argh!!!
the result?
i'm not sure wat to make out of it, but ramesh sure was speachless.
is it that bad?!!
well, he says i finally look my age. hum.....
b4 i look 25??!!! now i look 21?!!! sigh...
oh well... guess it's different.
Sunday, September 05, 2004
"haha don't think i have e time haven't packed man..N am trying to spend more time w my gf n family. I'll see u in dec ya"
so i'm not impt now...
after yrs of frienship, after we both been through so much together and not together, how cld u not even say gd bye?
it hurts when i sat down with XX over the weekend. he said he saw it coming. XX told him not to play, primary school friend, can't anyhow play... but u thought that i was playing too.
i don't play.
how can i play with u? it's too risky to risk another friendship. i've sworn to no more relationships out of friendship.
but it hurts how u run away, how u justify urself by being nobel with all the excuses.
"why not bury the hatchet" XX asked.
how can i, when u don't even wanna talk to me?
and i'm talking abt talking here, not being civil, not being poliet, but talking. real serious heart to heart talk that we used to have last time.
i know it'll blow over and a part of me wishes u evil, but hey, i'm not that petty.
i blame u for things that happened in my life that i regret. i regret things that happened because of u.
i'll miss u. i've been missing u since the day u left.
i don't miss you because we don't see each other or talk, but cos i lost.
i lost our friendship.
i lost u.
come back in dec? nah. not possible.
somethings gone, are gone forever.
Saturday, September 04, 2004
inter fac was today. my haul?
3rd for 100m fly and 200m free.
had a gd time with fred just hanging out and talking. wah kaoz, fred got 4th for his event. not bad *clap clap*
just found out that kenneth is in unionball. haha. cock xia. yucks. i don't like now.
embarrassed myself swimming man. so slow. aiyohhhhh...
and damn it, i'm not a TOMBOY!
Friday, September 03, 2004
Idol
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Hades
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Thursday, September 02, 2004
i had fun today.
just laughing and joking at the top of our voices. it was fun.
though the fun might have been completed if i had actually called ree. hahahaha...
lucky we had our own "private"room man... it was nice with all the celler and wines and stuff.
and i had the best company!
i can't believe that fred has ORD-ed.
i can't believe that i've spent my swimming days with this bunch. or i survived nj cos i had their company.
today was fun. just waiting to get the photos!
and my weekend has started! woohoo!
