Sunday, July 31, 2005
picture overload
i've decided to upload some pictures that are long overdue. it seems so long ago that i was supposed to upload them, but never found the time... these are some pics from my intern days - my last day as an intern, some pictures from my grad party at dbl o.
i can't really be bothered to have long comments abt any of them, but hey, the guys are good looking right? haha... oh well...
ok, in case u start to think that my taste has gone down the drain, i attribute it to my poor eyesight. no worries, cos i'll be going for lasik in 2 days time, and i am really really scared.
as if to get back at me from scaring her abt the interview, luyi came back with her own whammie. she kinda described how sub standard my lasik doc was... and that un-nerved me abit. shit. i better go look at everything and absorb it... just in case.
but i believe everything will be fine. just hope that there's not much side effects and i won't be one of the 1% outlying failures. *cross fingers*
the weeked was really good. had friday off to do my pre-assessment at snec, and had lunch later with mummy and aaron at imperial treasure at taka. the food there never fails, and i was so so full that i literally had to roll out of the place.
had plans to meet addy for dinner later, but in the end we were so full that we only had drinks at balas... even the sight of the finger food on the table was quite horrid. haha... met some of her friends at balas, and i must say that she has much more eye candy at her work place than i do! damn it! u lucky girl!
the office guys were there, and they gave me funny lesbian-ish looks everytime i leaned over and wispered into addy's ear... of course, we were testing jason's hearing right! haha.
oh well, the weekend was good man. looking forward to my 2 week break, and prob doing some touristy stuff with andy when he comes over. hee... i just need a good break from work, from stress, from responsibility, and from just caring abt anything.
oh oh oh, black eyed peas are coming to s'pore. anyone wanna go?! i missed them the last time round, and i'm determined to go this round! let me know who wants to go yea...
mr garcia, adrian and i. i wonder what garcia is looking at........
it tickles me that the department handles millions of dollars in risk, but we need 6 people to cut 2 cakes.
ain't he a cutie?!!!
tur ming, iris, me, justin
the 4th floor interns
zahed and i doing our pout
i pray to the econs god.
alwen....
nus gang
mg-ac gang
Friday, July 29, 2005
autarkic & embargo-ish
ever wondered what the title of my blog meant? or why i ever chose these words for my title?
au·tar·ky or au·tar·chy ( P ) Pronunciation Key (ôtärk)n. pl. au·tar·kies or au·tar·chies
1)A policy of national self-sufficiency and nonreliance on imports or economic aid.
2)A self-sufficient region or country.
em·bar·go ( P ) Pronunciation Key (m-bärg)n. pl. em·bar·goes
1)A government order prohibiting the movement of merchant ships into or out of its ports.
2)A prohibition by a government on certain or all trade with a foreign nation.
3)A prohibition; a ban: an embargo on criticism.
i was doing a module on the trading policies between country, Internation Economics, and that's when i started blogging. these 2 words, used in the context of countries, are very 2 different things. one is a sulf sufficient country, and the other - laws or restictions.
and that was how i was feeling at that time, i felt self sufficient enough to survive, like i didn't need someone else to depend on, and i didn't have to someone else to make me whole. and i had embargos in place. i was selective on the people that i hung out with or allowed them to get close to myself.
do i still feel that way?
i stumbled across some pictures today. and the feeling of helplessness just swept over me. ok, perhaphs helplessness ain't such a good word to use. maybe a tug at the heart? it was a picture that i stared hard at, just waiting for some sort of feelings to sink in. maybe i was numb, i don't know... it's bittersweet - glad that he was happy, and yet sad that his brilliant smile wasn't caused by me.
i know it's been a long time, and i've moved on, but it's just somehow that i will always have a soft spot for him. i guess it's always something abt ur first love eh?
so do these 2 words still describe me? i believe so. or maybe that's the front i put up, so that no one will see my shallowness, my emptiness, and my insignificance.
**this is obviously one of those times when i'm in those kind of moods**
Thursday, July 28, 2005
Updates...
bangkok was great, had good company, great food and fantastic shopping! came back on sunday, but was so super tired that i've not even unpacked. my dirty clothes are of course in the wash, but other than that, my 2 huge suitcases are still sitting in the middle of my room...
i'm such a mess i know. and not to mention a pig.
got tons of pictures to upload, but been so lazy, and well, i'm just looking forward to my 2 weeks break to settle all my stuff.
for those who don't know, i'll be going for lasik next tues and thurs, so will be blind, ie out of action for the better part of next week. i've already mentally prepared myself not to go clubbing for the next 4 weeks, or any place that is too smoky... don't want my eyes to get infected or anything.
so now that u know, pls pray for my op, that all will go smoothly, and i'll be able to have eagle eye vision after that!
so i'll be using those 2 weeks off (or when i can see) to catch up on my reading, my work (got tons of stuff that i bring back from the office to read but never found the time, or will power!). got a friend coming down from uk, so maybe some entertaining as well.
work's been rather alright, though my supervisors can be a pain in the ass sometimes... but i guess i shld count myself lucky that i've got a job so fast, and a good paying one at that! yes, and it's a really good learning experience, but oh well... life's a journey right?
i just have to bite my tongue and get through tomorrow. after that, my "holiday" kinda starts. i'm not really thinking abt the operation itself, so not too scared yet, but everyone seems to be reminding me abt it. it's kinda scary, but oh well, i do hope that everything will turn out alright.
do pray for me yea?
time to sleep. otherwise i'll be falling asleep in the office tom. ZZZzzzZZZzzz
Wednesday, July 20, 2005
Bangkok
i'm off to bangkok tom!!! woohoo!!!
a well needed break since the exams, but guess wat?
i'm running a running nose, feeling feverish, and have a really really BAD throat. damn it. guess i have to limit my partying then! damn.
oh well.
i need a break!!! party, shop, eat, massages! woohoo
Sunday, July 17, 2005
weekend
this whole week kinda felt really long... so many things happened, it just doesn't feel like 7 days.
i've been so busy with work that i didn't even had time to think abt my convo on thurs... convo was alright, posted some pics below... guess it's one of the moments in life that u just go through. i know i look really happy in all the convo pics, but i guess it's just the make up. haha... i'm not like xx who needs to photoshop her pictures before uploading. pls, mine's all natural beauty. haha.
had a farewell dinner for harry and iris on thurs at pregos. they are having a 1-for-1 deal now, but the bill came up to 900+ WOAH MAMA. haha.
i had a graduation party at Dbl O later on, and it was really really fun. haven't partied with the nus gang for the longest time, since like my birthday 2 years ago... i guess when the drinks start flowing, all hell breaks loose... my mg gang left earlier, think everyone had work the next day or something... told myself that i had work the next day, but hey, i only graduate once with these great bunch of people right?!
so i paid for it the next day. i wasn't hung over, but i was super tired... had that presentation at suntec, and i totally screwed it up!! the mac cldn't connect to the projector, and i wasn't exactly in the greatest of mood... so we went around the whole suntec finding this converter wire... but... oh well. too bad... people just cldn't see our video. damn it.
had farewell drinks for raminder at bala's... had really really too much to drink, and the guys gave justin such a hard time!! poor guy... but hey, he's going back to school, and i'm signing on with csfb. so no-go. oh well. wished the 10 weeks cld have been well... more productive! haha...
went out with the mg girls last night to check out the new club momo. well, my verdict on the place? very china-blackish... too lian and beng for my liking... we only found the live band when we were abt to leave the place, but it was too late. oh well.
vic and i were hungry... as usual. haha. we had a beef sandwich at cafe iguna. it was damn good man. DAMN DAMN good. and chicken wings... and a giantic mango magarita! woohoo! eric and his friend came down to join us, pity adrian cldn't make it... i wld like to see him work his magic and judge myself whether he's the man... haha
trying to enjoy the last few moments of my unemployed stage... i officially start perm in 17 hours time. crap...
oh on a lighter note, luyi's back today!!!! not sure what time her flight is, but yay!!!!! glad that most of my friends are back, and as selfish that might seem, i'm really happy! haha...
so this weekend was closure for my uni life... i graduated, i celebrated, i start a new job... and i'm thankful for everything.
thank you for every blessing... for bringing me through the good and the bad, for never giving up on me when i left, for loving me when i was so unworthy. thank you. i will live my life for u.
Friday, July 15, 2005
post graduation party
it was damn fun! too drunk to update... plus i've got work tom at 830. damn it.
will update later, and will upload lots of pics!!
to all those that came down... THANKS and CONGRADS!!
Thursday, July 14, 2005
centennial class of 2005
22 years of breathing, 15 years of education... this is it. it was time to graduate. the moment i receive that scroll and throw my motar board up in jubilation, the mandate from heaven stops.
i'm an adult now.
the convocation ceremony was in the morning, and i'm the 100th batch of graduates to pass through the doors of nus. maybe cos i'm the centennial batch that's why the ceremony was more grand... i don't know...
walking down the stage taking my cert and all, it's a bittersweet sort of feeling. i'm glad that it's over, but yet, i wish i cld still be a student, waking up when i wanted, doing the things i wanted, and living my life, the way i pretty much want to live it.
took some pics, not as much as i wanted though, and even though i had my friends and family there... it's different u know. i wanted to invite him to my graduation, but i knew that if i did and he didn't come, i'll be really disappointed. and i just can't take that disappointment any longer.
i wished my time in nus had been spent with another half... but yet, i choose to live my life more carefree, with no responsibilities, no one to be accountable to. and yet, i can say all things to consol myself, the truth of the matter is, mei ren yao. damn it.
oh a lighter note, 2 of my bestest friends surprised me. joyce came down to my office yesterday and got me a graduation pressent. she got me a really really nice bag which i can't wait to start using come monday. can't wait to go bangkok with her next week.
luyi sent a bouquet of red roses over... it's the biggest bouqet i've ever received... THANKS BABE! it's amazing that 3 years flew by like that and u're coming back already!
who needs a bf when u have wonderful friends like them right? *awahhh*
uploaded some of the pics below, have many many more, but will have to wait to develop them another time...
going for an office dinner event now, and later, a celebration party at dbl o... if u read this in time, come down dbl o 10pm!!
this is me... i know it's small... but.....
my family
a nice shot
the girls!
aaron and i (i made him wear the tie...) haha
the canteen gang
Wednesday, July 13, 2005
i can't believe this is it...
Sunday, July 10, 2005
the end marks the beginning
this is my last week as an intern... and then it's full throttle man. good stuff.
thurs is my convo, and i just bought the loviest white shirt to go with my gown. it looks really really smart, with really beautiful cuffs. now all i need are the cufflinks.
can't believe that after 15 years of slogging through the singaporean education system, i'm finally done. i'm walking down the stage, the first in my generation, mum's and dad side, to graduate from NUS. i hope my parents are proud of what i've achieved and become.
and then starts the real work. being employed and paid that amt of money is pretty scary. i'm damn scared of losing my job, and i've not even started yet man! shit! it's super highly stressed, esp since my immediate bosses are damn f*cking scary. oh well.
i don't feel like writing these few days... i don't know why... maybe i'm just so zapped out from work, that all my mental capacity fails to amplify what i feel in words.
not very good.
Tuesday, July 05, 2005
graduation party!
i'm planning a party on wed, 13th july @ double O, starting 9pm.
a party/gathering of uni friends that are graduating and those that i've not seen since 3 months ago!! woohoo! for myself and the rest who wld be receiving their degree the following day, don't worry, this party ain't to get stupidly drunk... it's to just meet up with old friends and celebrate!
so spread the word, 9pm double o! it's time to celebrate!
Sunday, July 03, 2005
sexy workout
so there i am, sweating like a pig, hair buned up and fringe held back with a hairband... and as i am concentrating on getting the most out of my pathetic 1hr workout a week, i caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror.
not very glam.
and in front of me, were these two japanese ladies. they were prob mid 20s, and they looked good. their long hair left down, but fringe tied into a ponytail. and they were hot.
and then i looked around and there was distinctly 2 kinds of girls working out with me.
1) those who were there to work out
2) those who were there to be seen
and i honestly believe so. i really don't see how u can work out in a spag top and sweat pants that look like they are going to drop off. yes, as they walk in, everyone looks at them, and mentally note that they shld go to the gym more often to look like these ladies.
sigh. we are never happy with ourselves right? the sunday papers today reported that singaporean ladies are most unhappy with their tummies. yes, i can so vouch for that. in fact, i think i took that survey... i'm alright with my frame, i guess there's nothing much u can change abt ur bone structure, but if there's one thing that i wished was smaller... it wld have to be my tummy.
i don't really place that much emphasis on my tighs, my arms or my bust as much as my tummy... and it doesn't help that i can't do sit ups. fyi, the sit ups section during the physical fitness test was my greatest challenge... i always failed at that! so much so that i actually cried in front of mr chee.
how embarrassing.
but right now, i constantly have to suck in my tummy when i walk around in either the office or at phuture/velvet. so it's a diff kind of embarrassment. oh well.
wat to do.
there are no fat people in this world, only lazy ones.
compliance
and so it goes...
the guys in the office are starting to make fun of me with every single single guy in the office. that's not funny ok. it's not that i can't take the takaning, cos everyone knows that i swan people alot, but it's just hard to polietly and politically correctly refute what ever they say.
and i hate the "are u attached?" question cos it just opens a pandora box of other questions.
"why not?"
"why so picky?"
"too high standards issit?"
"why not him then?"
it's alright explaining myself once, but once my beers start accumulating, and everyone seems like they're ganging up against me, i rarely have a chance to fight back.
so i've come up with one line, that has proven to stop all the questions above, and they basically leave me alone. it's been pretty effective, but since i've used it on fri, i've got myself in BIG trouble.
my simple answer of "i hate guys, i prefer girls" has been a miracle worker... until post bar on friday night... most guys don't know how to take it, not sure whether i'm serious, or just kidding around. but the thing is, they will stop probing cos they're not sure whether they'll say something to offend me... so there. i've shifted the uncomfortable questions to their side. woohoo.
so on friday, this guy actually took me for real. HOLY SHIT. so then he started saying how i don't look like that kind, how he wants to meet my girlfriend, and watch (get this) WATCH us get it on. oh my gosh, how much sicker can u get?!! and then he's been msging me over the weekend telling me how i'm a hottie and how turn on he gets just thinking abt me and my gf.
oh please
so now i'm suddenly more desirable because of my imaginary gf. how ... nice...
right now, i'm just going to ignore him, thinking that he's a piece of crap, and i don't know how to face him on monday. urgh, hopefully he won't go and tell everyone abt my imaginary gf... i've got too many imaginary stuff to keep track of!
ok, so it's sunday, and i've not gone to the gym for like 2 weeks or so. damn fat ok. going later to go running and for combat class. i wish i could go more often after work... but... oh well. guess if i want to go, nothing can stop me right... but oh well.
my brother came back on friday and we've been spending some time together. really nice to actually see him again. yay. happy happy.
Saturday, July 02, 2005
late night out at nydc hereen.
OL !!! went to watch initial D. damn nice man!
office drinks, post bar @ fullerton
mr garcia! ain't he such a sweetie?!!
new phase
i collected my gown today. it seemed so weird crossing the bridge to take 151 to school, like it's been such a long time since i've done that. but it's only been 8 weeks since i left school, and yet, it seemed like eons ago.
walking back into nus, it felt different. no more "shit, slogging to get to school" but more of, "hey, i survived this and look where i am now". i walked in, holding my head up high, being able to tell anyone if they asked what i was doing now, and how proud i wld be able to say that yes, i'm employed and YES, i'm a highly paid professional.
it's such a different feeling to walk into a place, knowing that u've overcomed it. situations always seem so much more unachievable going through it, but once the hurdles are crossed, sweat shed and blood lost, it never seemed that hard looking back.
do i miss nus? well, not really. i miss waking up and attending lectures at 11pm, having the freedom to do watever i wanted, whenever i wanted. but i don't think i'll ever feel nostalgic looking back. nus was never a second home to me, and i never ever felt that i truely belonged there.
maybe it's cos i didn't stay in hall, or that i never made a close group of friends. maybe. but i will never miss the place itself. never had any memories that lingered or moved me so much. it was an institution where i got my degree. nothing more.
do i look forward to wat's ahead for me? of course... it's a new stage in my life, and i'm honestly hoping that things will go according to plan, and that i will achieve the greater plans there are planned out for me.
so come 2 weeks, when i walk on the stage and collect my degree, and i look at my family in the crowd, sitting there and beaming with pride, that will mark the end of being dependent. from that moment on, i'm independent...
and with great power, comes great reponsibility.
that will be a significant and defining moment in my life.
