Sunday, May 30, 2004
i have a bif fat MAMA pimple on my nopse. and believe u me, it's huge/ i just hate it when i get pumples on my nose. EWEEEH. urbgh... and i think it's so huige cos the pimple damily has it a reunion dinner or something. i think there's 3 or so on the same spot that's why it's HUGE!!!!
DISGUSTING
had a pretty good weekend. was out with the office people on friday. wah kaoz. alex drives a nice new yellow porsche. WAH. i've got nothing else to say man. rich pinapple man.
went for dinner with nan at sushi tei before going over to barnacavas. really nice place. everyone was at velvet man!!! wah. adn i saw alot of mediacorp stars thereas well. wah. happening. and the people at deutsche really let loose man. they work hard and they play hard. that's a good culture man!!! but i think they really get paid really well but they led such a high lifestyle!!! wah.
sat night was at church, didn't wanna go ktv with jerry adn gang. plus i don't really feel good with a massive pimple on my nose. EWEEH. that's disgusting. my umphh factor just went negative man! yee.....
went down church office today to work .angir came later and we talked talked... grin. think she's becoming like one of the closer people that i am to in church. nice. and after church i went down town to collect my suit and guess wat?! i bought 4 tops from g2000!!! wah... it was really nice. it's not say cheap cheap, but i really like the shirts. it's VERY nice. damn it. i regreted not buying the purple long sleeves shirt. sigh... damn it. oh well... nmind,m just waiting for the sale to go on longer and then the stuff would just get cheaper and cheaper!!! yay. but then agai, i don't see why i need so many shirts shirts. i can wear other kind of tops. but the thing is, i just don't deel good in them cos i'm kinda F A T. and it doesn't help that my pimple's HIGE. damn it.,,
oh... i saw grabiel today!!! he was running past the dooor while i was cleaning the chairs in the church offie. wah. how cute is he man... grin. but the young bugger doesn't even know who i am!!! hahahahah... funny punk. oh well...
the past week at work has been alright. been calling all those people to do a feedback fir the autobahn survey. i can't say that it's a waste of my tune cis ut was. byt u;m trying to look at the things that i learnt.
i've learnt how to say deutsche bank in chinese. haha... and ... it did boast my confidence level in chinese abit!! grin. really. all those bitches who failed me for AO chinese shld die. hahahahah... i'm good man...
hum... there are many other things that happened as well, but i guess i'm just too lazy to write them all down or to even think abt them man... yawn.
tired.
time to sleep. it's a heavy week ahead.
Wednesday, May 26, 2004
one year ago...
at 4pm...
tony picked me up at clementi mrt...
and then...
i drove to bukit batok...
and into BBDC.
at 4.45pm...
one year ago...
I PASSED MY DRIVING!!!! NO MORE P PLATE!!!
WOOPPPPHHHHHiiiiiii!!!!!!
i'm proud to say that i've not made a scratch on my car or anyone else's. i'm a safe driver...er, relatively safe anyway, haha! no dents, no bookoos, no scratches. i'm good.
i'm pissed at myself for doing not saving the stuff in my h://. sigh. saved it in the shared transfer folder. damn it. and as a result... it's crazy... damn it. thw whole day was basically a Q@!%$^$^%& peep peep day.
urgh
but tomorrow is a new day. i shall be strong. i will get over it.
Tuesday, May 25, 2004
"but we all, with unveiled face, beholding as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from glory to glory, just as by the Spirit of the Lord."
2 Corinthians 3:18
sick.
*ahAHahAH CHOOOoooooo*
started sneezing at work and i didn't stop till now. damn it. going to get a huge pimple on my nose. urgh. hate it.
work's a pain. got to call so many million people. and well... i guess someone has to do it. and since i'm an intern. i guess i HAVE to do it. wat choice do i have right?! crap. sigh... shall put my best attitude and forward and do it then.
sick.
Thursday, May 20, 2004
today went to fullerton for lunch, WAH. really fusion food man. was a bond offering for some korea land thing. wah. boy was it boring. but the food also not say very gd lei. aiyoh.
all 9 of us were decked out in suits and all. nice. i need a new suit. my fcuk one can't button. haha. paiseh.
this week??!!! urm... not that bad. work is really getting interesting! really. i learn so much everyday. sometimes i really feel that i'm so dumb, but oh well... guess i just have to suck it all in and learn. be humble. that's a gd thing always. nice.
beng hong told me today that he saw my grades and he gave me a cheeky grin. haha... oh well.
guess i really have to do well here. it's more of a learning experience for me. i believe that i can do it. i believe that i'm as capable as shiqi or aurelius or any other intern. just got to put in the additional effort man. nice.
i dunno whether i'm cut out to be an investment banker. i don't know. but i guess i won't know until i tried right?
and God willing, He will show me the way that He wants me to go.
Sunday, May 16, 2004
well... it's a lazy sunday and i'm catching up on my sleep. nice.
woke up at 7 plus, went back to sleep and woke up again at 9. woah. my clock has adjusted man... i'm a morning chick from now on. that's gd i guess. at least i'm well rested for the week ahead.
went down with pop to photocopy the bks that beng hong passed to me. and then went to alter the sleeves of my fcuk jackets. damn it, it's so freaking ex... but oh well... nmind then. money can be earned.
last night had to wake up early for thumbs up at ghim moh. was pretty fun. i learnt that i was a high I followed by high D. hum... wonder whether everything they say is true. i can relate to come of character traits of every catergory. hum.... oh well. who cares.
met 2 girls which i got their numbers from. corrie and jiaxin. will follow up with them and see how things go. hopefully this cld be a gd platform for me! grin.
i'm going to try to read some text now. i know it's boring, but oh well... what other choice do i have? damn... i wanna do well enough for them to offer me a full position. how cool wld that be? i want.... grin...
ok, bored of writing. and i sprained my wrist. it hurts. and swollen, but i can't see it.
met nelson and grabriel during thumbs up. i am mighty impressed by nelson. reminds me of renyi man. nice.
oh, sms-ed kc today for coffee at night. he wasn't free. oh well. wat's new. haha...
Friday, May 14, 2004
i can't believe how fast this week has gone by.
i just had my first week of my internship. 9 more to go.
i'm indeed blessed as i look around and see the people that i'm working with. everyone is a rocket scientist in their own right. where am i? at the bottom of the barrel. damn it. i'm kinda sad and depressed as well. but i'm telling myself that this is a super opportunity and i'm indeed blessed.
yea, who cares that i'm an idiot? i know i am. and in that way, i guess they have no expectations of me as well. that's gd. i'm here to learn. who cares whether i'm dumb. if i don't make it, i don't. there's always something else. this is an opportunity.
everyday on my way to work, i pray and thank the Lord for this opportunity. never take your eye off the prize. keep running the race, determined, willed and with the end in mind. i want to learn. i want to be the best i can. i want to be the person that God has mapped me out to be.
i was indeed falling asleep during all the trainings, and i'm just using this as an opportunity to make contacts, learn and expose myself to all these sort of areas that i otherwise have no chance to get.
i keep telling myself that i'm inferior to the rest, but deep down, i'm thinking that whatever i lose out in qualifications, i tell myself that i make up in my attitude. laura and shiqi said so, and i guess that's wat i got employed for. my attitude. think i really need to brush up on all my other shitty stuff. GRR.
i know i can do it. and i will.
shiqi's really smart. she's like another econs god. her cap's 4.94 man. that's ridiculious. hahaha... oh well...
and then there's aurelius. funky name eh. he's pretty gd looking except for the fact that he's short and er... smokes. haha... not that i have anything against smokers, considering i'm one too... but, yea, at first i thought he was kinda interested, either that or just friendly... and he is good looking lar. honestly. haha... but anyway, he's attached, so... yes.
then there's shiyang. he's really nice. with a funny sense of humour. haha... he is nice lar... taller than aurelius, so that's gd! haha... but let's just see how things progressed.
then there's thomas... the german guy. eyerr...
2 thai girls, from sassin, bangkok. they're doing their MBA, so nan's 27 and laura's 31. they're both pretty nice pple. just came back from newton to show her the place.
2 china guys which are nice, but er... they're PRCs. nuff said.
was praying for a nice mentor, and i guess since beng called to talk to me, that's nice enough. and when i met him, he was really nice and talked to me and all... mark wong was really nice too. actually sat me down and drew me a flow chart and explained where he was coming from. indeed, the Lord has blessed me with such great people around me and i'm glad that even in a mess of this world, he is still looking over me, and even though the world is crazy on 0801, He's in charge. He deals, He trades.
i'm going to give my best shot at this. i only get one chance.
Thursday, May 06, 2004
called vic today to meet up for dinner and catch up. and she told me that nat just got married 2 weeks ago. and she's 7 months pregnant. WTF.
that's it man. as much as i like nat and even though i'm not close to her. i just think that her life is screwed up. it's downhill from here. there's no turning back from this disaster. and how can she not know that she's 6 months pregnant? she's just a moron. REALLY. and her bf's or husband's an ass. comon. he's been treating her like dirt for as long as i can remember. and she's been crying over him for EVER and he really is a good for nothing bum. and now, she's stick with him for life. best. and there's a little baby on the way too. urgh.
sometimes i watch TV and marvel at how script writers can write the most amazing stories. and listen to nat's situation, it seems sureal. like it's not happening to her. it's not happening to someone i know. i pity her lar... but then again, she only has herself to blame. firstly, unprotected sex? gosh. or even better, pre marital sex. sigh. maybe i'm different, i have a strict set of values that i set for myself and i know it's the 20th century, but still. some values don't change. really. and then there's the issue of staying with her good for nothing bf. she shld have left him like ages and years and centuries ago. moron. but then,... i know what it's like cos a part of me deep down still wanna run back to kc or ry. sigh.
so who can blame her? she's human too. we all make mistakes.
but her mistake is bringing a kid into this world. and that's life. guess i can't do anything except help her in any way that she needs, or i can. beats judging her right.
her mistake... their mistake is a life long thing. the kid is going to suffer man, and the kid is a living reminder of their mistake.
i know i sound really pessimistic and critical and horrid basically, but this is the world's perception. and it's my perception as well i guess. who am i to judge them... but still...
all i can say is that i'm glad i'm not her. or will ever be her.
Tuesday, May 04, 2004
damn it.
i got a parking ticket.
my first parking ticket... ever since i've been driving for er... nearly a year now. damn it. i dunno whether to celebrate that it's my first ticket, or shld i be sad. urgh. well... it was the first time that i turned up for one of those impromtu dinners of my econs gang. usually i can't make it, or i just never was interested to go. today i went. and i got fined. urgh. wat pissed me off is that we were just next to my car, and the minute i looked away, i got a ticket. damn it. aiyar, then i guess i'm lucky that it's only $6, rather than $50 if i didn't put at all. but the irritating thing is, i WAS JUST SITTING NEXT TO THE CAR. damn it.
oh well. life sucks...
but i guess i'll just grapple abt it for a while. i'm pretty thankful cos... my comp's fixed. yay! with albin, adrian's and ren's help, i managed to fix it! (all the As)... haha... the bug irritated me for a few days and just when i thought i had to go reconfigure my hard drive... hahah... YES. it's done. downloaded the patch on microsoft and it works. woohoo! yes. it was only when i wanted to give up, came home and screamed at pop and gave him my pouty face that he decided to help me.
and even though i always think that my dad is a moron, and he knows no shit abt techi stuff, guess wat, he "technically" fixed it cos the comp was in his hands when the comp cld work again! haha. yes! and while we gave the comp like a 10min grace b4 shutting down, we did this IQ test together online. SO CUTE! i tell u. i really had fun doing it with him. and i hope he had fun doing it with me as well! hee. quality time spent. really cute. and just when we were at the last question together, the comp battery died. A HAHAHAHA. wat an anti climax! haha... but i enjoyed yesterday. was a time of bonding with my dad i guess!
and guess wat?! God answers prayer too, cos i was praying all thoughout cell for my comp. haha... hey, some pple pray for their cat, dog, luo han... pls... a comp's nothing. haha.
serene was telling us abt her tabaneckle retreat. it seems awsome. I guess i'm kinda used to be called serene's 12. i'm really honoured man. really. and that inspires me. i want my 12. and serene said that God showed her that all of us won't be in singapore in time to come. all of us will be all over the world. and she said, "tania might be in europe, but our hub is still in singapore". was this something from God? an affirmation? i take it that success comes from God and we better believe that. it's not my effort, it's my talent that He gave me. and in all things give thanks, and in all things, glorify Him.
so it doesn't matter whether i'm mugging at night for a paper, or sweeping the road, or an on the trading floor. in all things, glorify Him. be thankful and He will be delighted.
Saturday, May 01, 2004
met carol lai yesterday.
so qiao. met her in united square toilet. wah... was walking out after washing my hands and bumped into her, she was just going into one of the cubicles. sigh... haha... wat a weird place to meet.
she looks the same, pretty as ever. haha... still remember my sec 1 crush on her. hahaha. so mobid man, vic, jess and i wld run after kristy, junice and carol. OH HA HA. the things we used to do man. haha.
but it was nice to talk to her, s'pore's so small man! looking at her, she grad from smu already. first batch i think. wah... life has passed so fast man. no more innocent mg days where we'll just run around and scream. haha... no more zao ge-ing on the floor when we sit, no more legged rocking chairs. she's 23, i'm 21. oh how time flies. i ain't 13 anymore. gosh.
it was just nice seeing her lar.
today's service was alright. the EJ 144 was in meleka for a retreat. something abt entering tabanecka. hum... shall go find out abt that. souds familiar though.
anyway, today's the first time in a long time that i responded to the alter call. i always felt paiseh to go out. it seems like a lost of face and super paiseh to respond. but after weeks and weeks of running away from God, this week, i went up.
sometimes i always wonder why God want things this and that way. sometimes i question authority. but serene's cell on monday spoke to me. follow first. the reason will come later. God doesn't want me to crash and burn. He indeed has a purpose. so obey and the reasons will surface later. obey, means immediate response. not saying "hey God, wait ar, let me pray abt it"... and partial obedience is disobedience. there's no such thing as i follow wat i like, don't follow wat i don't. when God speaks, obey and follow. not obeying is actually disobedience.
so yes, i walked up to the alter, knelt down. the first steps i took, i know that God will take the rest. all i need to do is to take the first step forward, to make a public declaration of my faith, to humble myself before the Lord, to sacrifice myself unto the living Lord. God can only use a humbled man, not one full of pride and selfish desires.
the minute i knelt down, i felt the presence of God. it wasn't overwhelming, but i knew He was there. and as i opened my hands to receive, i felt my tears falling onto my open hands. this reminded me of Jesus's blood that was dripping when He was on the cross. every drop, precious in truth and symbolism, and with every drop, i told God that i was willing, that i run back to him.
this is a new start for me. i am a part time student, a full time servant of the living Lord that i serve. i serve not because i'm forced to, but cos that's wat make God happy. obey his word and follow. i want to do that. i want to see my 12 and my 12's 12. i look to serene for inspiration not only in her career, but in her spiritual walk as well. gosh. if i ever attain her level, i think i might become a nun. still... she's too holy man. i can't even get past a sentence with out a damn, shit or fuck. haha... but i'm changing. i can not say vulgarities, i can flee from vices, but all these while, i never wanted to change. but now i do.
i want to serve.
~ 1 cross + 3 nails = 4given ~
