that was... ok


didn't get any technical questions. which was oh-so-damn-good!


am overall happy with it lar... if i don't get called back for the second round... then i'll be sorely disappointed.


blog later. bathe and get this gunk off my face

tania @ 2:43 PM | |

this is it.


i'm going in for the kill

tania @ 10:22 AM | |

there was this irritating ringing sound...


and i thought that my dad left the computer on and someone was calling him on skype... it was that kind of irritating phone ring...


i went in a frantic search, finding out where that irritating ringing was coming from.


and then it got louder. and as i listened more intently, i realised that it was coming from outside the window!!


i looked out and guess wat? it was an ice cream man!!! hahahaha...


this was the first time i've ever seen an old man peddling ice cream, or anything for that matter in my neighbourhood.


yes, ever since i've moved here from my previous hdb heartland, i've not seen the ice cream man, or heard his bell....


it was a nice way to be reminded of the past....

tania @ 1:28 PM | |

xian.


i feel like puking most of the time. and i've got no appetite. damn. i sat in front of a gigantic plate of chilli crabs last night and it didn't do anything for me!! aiyoh...


anyway, saw jerry in church today... haha... it's been a really long time since i've seen him... he put on abit of weight, but i think i shldn't have pointed it out to him. haha... after all, i'm not that thin myself. haha...


as i said, i feel like puking. the food is revolting inside my stomach right as of this moment.


yucks. bleh.


anyway, decided to hold my celebrations with my church friends on sunday lunch... after deciding that i'll go for jack's party on saturday and that some of them have their chartered exam and the standard charter run on sunday... i think sunday lunch wld be a good idea. clean fun on a sunday afternoon. hee hee.... don't think we can tong outside until it's dark so that we can drink right. haha....


as for celebrating with my nus friends... er... i think i'll just have a night out at zouk lar... buy them one round of drinks and that's it. they can go fend for themselves! haha... honestly though... i'm like sick and tired of trying to please everyone. i just want to celebrate my 21st with that one special person that i know wld make me feel like it's the most special day of my life... right... where has he gone? over? yea, down under.


sigh... i guess the only consolation i have is that i'll be celebrating my real birthday on the eiffel tower!! woohoo... but as usual... it'll be alone ...


bleh.


my 21st... spent alone... w/o that special someone... =(

tania @ 10:00 PM | |

money and banking's over.


i'm not sure whether to be happy that none of the tough questions came out or sad cos i spent most of my time preparing for the hard questions... haha... oh well...


but it's ok. i'm just glad that it's over. no more IS-LM, no more RD-RF, goodbye MS-MD! woohoo! yea right... i thought that that was the end of things when i finished macro 2. damn it. it all comes back to haunt me.


crap.


on a lighter note, it's only down to one more paper, public finance!! woohoo! not that i've started studying for any part what-so-ever of it, but i need the 5 day break. yes. i need it.


my brain is so saturated that i can't think straight. i'm so tired from not sleep last night but cos i took coffee this morning... i'm dying now. yes. D-Y-I-N-zzzzzzZZZZ. u get my pt.


anyway, even though i have like 5 days to prepare, i still have to prepare for my interview which is on... drum roll.... tueday 1130am.


yes, the long awaited day has arrived. after months and months of waiting, this day has arrived. the day that will determine my future, whether DB will indeed take me... i mean if they don't... then i'll just go up london earlier!! haha....


everything has a gd side eh.


so yes, tuesday determines my future, thursday determines my freedom...


i just wanna sleep... now....

tania @ 1:26 PM | |

went to school today for money and banking consultation... and wat happened? i bloody hell got dao-ed. SHIT


she looked at me through those binoculous glasses of hers... and really started to speak in such an agitated tone that it was hard not to mistake. she was irritated.


she prob thinks i'm a damn ass who doesn't know her shit, who is just at the last moment trying her luck to get some tips on the exams.


well... well...


i'm still going to fail. damn it.,

tania @ 5:07 PM | |

i am so xian it's not funny.


i have like 3 more chapts of money and banking to go but i just don't want to do anything. u know how it is... when everyone's done and u're still stuck with 2 more papers. GRR.


i finally got it. hello cramps, good bye pms. sigh..... why can't we just all exchange place with men... they get to bled for once and see how it feels.


sigh... the pain of being a woman

tania @ 2:51 PM | |

i am so xian....


i can't believe that addy actually finishes today!!! GASP. and i still have 2 more papers. and am i studying?!!! noo.... it's almost 4 and i haven't done anything since i woke up. this is bad.


am i being selfish? i'm constantly trying to avoid this guy cos he wants my notes and i refuse to give it to him. hey, come on, if u were sick and didn't go for tutorial... that's ok u know, i cld lend them to u... but when u constantly don't come for tutorials cos u know that i can lend u the notes... hey, forget it man.


i tried being nice last sem. i lent my m&o notes to hh... and where did that get me? B when he got an A. damn it. life wasn't fair. i was so super pissed man. DAMN IT.


so yes, tania is selfish this sem, and the next. after all... it is my last year.


am i being bad? will i get my retribution? haha... maybe.


anyway, just talked to bern and he said that chris's desk doesn't have a headcount...ie that means that they can't hire anyone! damn it. there goes my deutsche dreams out of the window. die liao lar... who is going to employ me?!!!! grr....


ok, back to analysising the different demands for money... keynes, classic, baumo-tobin, friedman...


how boring does that sound man?

tania @ 3:41 PM | |

i've got a new layout.


i think this is nice........ hope you guys like it.... ie, it's easy on the eye and easy to read. yes yes i know... i shldn't be changing my blogs cos i shld be studying... but oh well.... i need a break after my horrid paper today!!


goodbye financial accounting. it's finally over! i really hope that i'll get my satisfactory pass... if i get an ungraded... DIE lar... nmind, went for cell after and the group prayed for me. so yes, i'm putting my faith in God's hands. i'm praying to let His will be done.


today sitting in cell i learnt something... it's not where we came from, or who we were... we ARE now are sisters... brought together with a common aim... and as i sit there and ponder how diverse we all are in nature, i'm glad that i was there.


yes, i had a purpose. and i was honestly glad to be there.


everything is coming into place... life is like chess eh? sometimes you feel that it's you against God... but today... i felt we were a team... and we were winning.


hey, God always wins... so it's better to be with him than against him... right?


amen

tania @ 3:21 AM | |

tom is THE paper

i'm am so f*cking screwed it's not funny.

the fact that i can sit here blogging abt it... just shows that beyond reasonable doubt... i have given up.

throw caution to the wind, i don't care. if we have to fight, we fight, but screw ur courage to the stickening place and we will not fail!!

a little adapted macbeth there... can't really remember wat it was... hey, that was sec 4 stuff... 5 years ago man!!

anyway, i've practically done all that i could... guess it might not be good enough. but i tried. this time round, i really tried... nad i hope the paper is easy... or rather don't ask me to come up with some cash flow here there bull crap.

cross fingers, cross toes

tania @ 1:07 AM | |

addy said that u either get cramps or u get pms.

i'm wondering if that's true.

i'm sort of pms-ing and i sort of have cramps

GRR.

international finance was ok, passable, not sure whether i'll get my A though... cos u know... my midterm was such a desaster. but sigh...

monday is financial accounting and i just am in no mood to study for that paper. i guess it's good that i have like a few days in between each paper to study, but well... i really hope i can pass this module man.

who likes having UNGRADED on their cert ?!!

double GRR.

my mind is filled with after exam partying, birthday arrangements, plans to UK and Europe.

and of course, my DB interview. i'm starting to doubt myself, having no confidence against the other candidates. sigh. i am starting to read abit more, and starting to prepare discussion topics and interviewing techniques, but oh well... God willingly... whatever will be, will be

this is not a good exam period.

period.

tania @ 10:38 PM | |

this is my retribution for not studying.

i was playing around with the template of my blog...

and i accidentally deleted it.

yes, it's gone!! dammit.

ALL my new links that i added. shittttttttttttttttt

and so i'm back to my old layout.

not cos everyone said that it was better...

but cos i stupidly deleted the beach babe.

sigh.

goodbye beach babe... i'll miss u

tania @ 6:24 PM | |

does it really start tom?

is this my third year in NUS? and is the next sem my last?

am i going to be 21 in a months time?

has time really slipped through my fingers where i made a struggling effort to keep it in my palm?

yes, it's time for convo... it's time for interviews, it's time for the real world.

it's showtime.

a part of me is apprehensive, can i really survive out there? a school swimmer competing on the olympic field. yes, i'm going to get laughed at, and prob trampled on as well... but i will survive.

at first i was afraid, i was petrified... but i will survive...

tom's paper is international finance. i've been studying it and i think i'll do ok. just that i need to do really well cos i did below average for the midterm. sigh.

need to go focus my attention on the paper, try to spot the questions and think really carefully.

concentrate. i can do it

tania @ 1:32 PM | |

it seemed so different watching the show today.

i wished i was sitting beside u... 2 years ago, this was one of our "first dates". u even met my dad... i can still remember meeting at clementi mrt and going there together.

yes, back to the days of no license.

we looked around the cars and u gave me an insightful commentary on all the cars that we walked passed. this was something that i knew u knew wat u were talking abt... and it seemed like the roles were reversed. you teaching me.

we had a really nice time then... i remember that we enjoyed each other silence when we had nothing to talk abt. it wasn't akward... it was the bashful shyness that made it memorable. yes, we were in love.

ok, maybe not in love, but in like?

yes... so going to the motor show today brought back all these memories.

how i wish u cld still be here with me, telling me new stories on all the new cars on the mkt... or hold my hand as i watch the stunt show to calm my nerves.

it's weird how i live in the past. when i'm out shopping, i look at something and i think of u. like, "this is soooo you". will i ever forget u?

will i ever remember how u let me down?

it's amazing how one can be so selective in memory huh. for some, i rather remember the good than the bad. for others, i can only remember the bad. how hyprocritical huh.

but yes, even though you have moved on, i have moved on, there's a part of me wishing that u'll one day wake up and realised that u made the biggest mistake letting me go. and we'll get back and live happily ever after...

then maybe i've not moved on huh?

when do u know when u've moved on?

is it when u start dating other people... or is it when u forget how strong his colgne smell is... or is it, when u stop thnking, "he wld say this, or relate his stories to ur mum...

when? why can't life just be in black or white. where the only two choices are like, or don't like?

why does life have to be black, white and grey?!

sigh.

have i gotten over u? i don't know. it'll be hard to find someone that can be better than u in every aspect.

is there a mr. greater-than-perfect since u're mr. perfect?

tania @ 9:55 PM | |

today is a ...happy day...

had lunch at les amies canteen at lido there... the food is not bad... and considering i was out with mr j... hahaha...

went to the motor show today...

i wonder what it does to ur confidence when u're talking to a guy and u can see his eyes veering and turning in the direction of the race queens.

hey, if u're staring at the car it's ok... i know what that guys love the shiny metal, the burning tires and the nice body kit... i can't compete.

but u're staring at the race queens.

now, it depends on wat car model it is, the lian-er the race queens are.

say for honda or toyota, the race queens are damn ah-lian-ish... deched out in white plastic-y outfits and equally horrendous knee high boots. and they're make up? blue, or green eyeshadow. yucks.

now compare this to the race queens at lexus. the girls are decked out in tastful daniel yum like dresses, very elagent. and they don't parade around to the tune of ah-beng music too.

oh well... perhaps i'm just jealous.

haha... looking at all those nice cars, i think it's after all, just 4 wheels to get from pt a to pt b. i've got my eye on the new nissan lashio sports. it's a hatchback and i think it's really cute. after all, i can only drive a nissan wat... hahhahahaha....

or a subaru...

tania @ 5:16 PM | |

have u ever seen old couples walking along in the park, or by the river? and they are holding hands, some talking, some just walking along side each other enjoying each other's company?

i get this warm feeling inside when i see couples like that.

not some teenage raging hormones ah lian and beng ruffling leaves in the park.

i mean, i look at these old couples... and i think that they're so in love... think abt it.

this love goes beyond physical beauty. look, gravity does work ok.

this love goes must deeper. it's like their souls connecting, like they're each other's best friend.

sigh... and i look at myself...

will i ever find a guy like that? someone that i know is going to be the father of my kids, my life parnter?!

my parents are happily married. i think.

it's really sweet when i see they snuggling together or holding hands when we go out.

sigh...

things will be alright, non?!

tania @ 11:59 PM | |

You Are a Snarky Blogger!

You've got a razor sharp wit that bloggers are secretly scared of. And that's why they read your posts as often as they can!

tania @ 1:35 AM | |

Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. "You of little faith," he said, "why did you doubt?"

-Matthew 14:31

tania @ 1:19 AM | |

my brother the technician.

he fixed my hi-fi!!!

after i pressed the buttons over and over again in frustration, i heard a pop sound and i swear i saw some smoke come out... haha... and then the hi fi died.

that was all 2 months ago.

so i lived in my room, w/o music, w/o any of my self made cds of mambo jumbo on wed, or r&b or drum and bass on fri. all for 2 months!!!

so then, just as i was thinking abt bringing it back to aiwa to repair it, my bro walks past and i asked him whether he cld fix it...

so he walks over to it, presses some button and ...viola!

my radio is alive!!!

i asked what he did and he said, "i pressed the AM/FM button."

suddenly i feel that i'm not the smartest creature on earth.

is that a stupider word than a bimbo?

tania @ 8:21 PM | |

tired.

been keeping late hours. yes, i've not gone out, but i've not studied either.

sigh. there's something horribly wrong with me. sigh.

marny called. interview with DB is on the 30th nov, 1130hr. i hope that i do good enough to get through the 3rd round, and then of course get in.

i hate to prepare. i just wished life cld be easier u know?

have i lost all hope? have pple lost hope in me?! sigh.

there are so many things going on in my life that i think i don't know where my piorities are. and that's scary. ok, wait, let me rephrase that.

i know what my piorities SHLD be. it's just that my actions don't show it. does anyone know wat i mean?!

sometimes i drift through life... lucky to be alone, wanting to be alone... and yet, other times i just want company. someone to be there for me, to hold my hand and tell me that things are going to be ok.

i don't wanna go through life along. i want a partner, a companion to share the good and bad with me. sigh.

but where can i find someone like that?!

where are u my mr. prince charming?

tania @ 2:58 PM | |

i...

dropped my matric card in the toilet bowl today.

i'm not going into the details of how the card is in my wallet now.

let's just say that i'm glad it's not my hp, and that i washed my hands with detol 5 times since.

tania @ 4:38 PM | |

i must admit that army does wonder to boys... some do actually turn out... well... men.

had lunch with fj today in school. i must say that he's changed. perhaps i never got a chance to actually know him better despite spending 3x a week with him during trainings.

i wonder whether it's cos i was the capt and cldn't really form interpersonal relationships with the team cos that wld interfer with my dictorialship... but then i'm close to some others in the team as well.

but anyway, he has changed.

i sat with another friend during lec and she said that he was not bad if he stop hunching, change his clothes and be abit more self confident. so i stared at her and was like, issn't that like everything?!!

haha... but we had lunch after and i must say that he's pretty gentlemanly now, minus the 2x that he spat his food in my direction... haha... accidentally of course.

but we did have a pretty gd conversation, and that was surprising. i think this has got to be the longest time i've ever talked to him, and it wasn't even weird. and get this... he even saw me to the busstop! gosh. this is such a change from the $2 chicken rice man.

time has changed him man... and i wonder whether he thinks the same of me... i wonder whether a friend wld say that i've changed, after not seeing me for 2-3 years and wld it be for better or worst? ...

oh, and i felt really bad too, cos i mentioned that i go out with fred and luyi, and they he said, "never jiou!" which then he went on saying that he feels outcasted cos we never call him when we go out. shitttttt.... i felt so bad man... okok, will call him next time, even if it's at midnight and we're meeting for half an hour. i will call. will try to have a swim gathering soon too. damn. i hate organising these reunions. grr...

~*~

i cut my hair today. it's horrible.

i don't know which is worse, the red ripe pimple on my nose, or the shrub on my head.

tania @ 1:06 AM | |

how cute is this?!!

tania @ 8:52 PM | |

i have a huge zit on my nose.

i'm too early for christmas.

damn

tania @ 10:32 PM | |

i have no passion, no drive.

i know u are there, but perhaps i'm taking u for granted... or wait, are u even there?

maybe i've been brought up in a sheltered home, loving family, that i don't have that hunger for love. i've always had a father's love... and life to me is really a bed of roses.

yes, who cares if i didn't manage to wake up in time for the mango sale, or i am abit tubby, these things are immaterial. i have the basics in my life, and as such, i'm spoilt.

yes, i said it. i'm spoilt.

not even having or needing to lift a finger at home, i go abt life as it owes me a living, that i am the princess that pple shld bow to. and wat are my responsibilities? i just need to study. that's it.
that's what's required of me. and can i even do that?

"you have never been poor. u don't know wat it feels like. u'll never know what i went through to be wat i am today."

i guess. but then again, u brought me up this way, w/o a hunger, w/o drive.

so maybe that's why i go through life, esp on sat 5-8, just sitting there, not feeling anything.

yes, i am there physically, but mentally?

i need to know my purpose. why am i here, what do u want me to do. i need a direction, a goal so i can work my way towards it, to make life worth living.

i look at angie and rui and yes, i envy them. at least they found the other half that believes so strongly in the same things. sigh. and in that sense, the edify each other rather than pull each other down.

what do i have? my faith alone is not strong, as much as i belive, i don't obey.

so how now?

i always had a choice. that was how i was designed. i can choose a few options i guess:
1. eat the apple and be oblivious abt being naked
2. eat the apple and go find some leaves to cover myself3. eat the apple and walk out of the garden
4. don't eat the apple.

now everyone knows i'm no good at multiple choices. damn, i failed 2 tests!

oh, sidenote, i redid my accounting paper to pratice, and guess wat, i got 9 out of 25. brilliant. an improvement of... 2 marks. i'm good.

urgh

tania @ 5:30 PM | |

bush won.

damn. i was a kerry supporter.

oh well....

tania @ 10:13 PM | |

not bad.

u came especially to fetch me home from school?

how sweet.

and for once, we actually had an substancial conversation.

u are exceeding my expections.

not bad

tania @ 7:20 PM | |

remind me again why i shld never sit ur car.

firstly, u drive like a manic... maybe i cld accept that when u were driving ur ford around, but hey, u're driving a beatle convert. it's meant to show off.

pls drive slow.

everyone knows that a beatle is cute. it's not cute when it's whizzing by, cutting in and out of lanes, and AND causing a huge traffic jam cos u are oh, say i say, such a horribly inconsiderate driver?

sigh... but then again, it is your car, and u do drive me around.

and to give him some credit, he did surprise me today.

we went out for coffee at six ave and he knew i was sick... he told me that he went to draw money and he took such a long time! i granted that he had to cross the road, cos he uses ocbc.

and he came back with strepsils for me. oh, how sweet.

and i really meant it.

but his goodness and my smiles was taken off, when he caused a huge traffic jam at six ave. that was embarrassing. at least in his ford i cld hide my face... but well... in a convert... where was i supposed to hide my face?

sigh... i still stand with the he's a rich kid who never did anything in his life to earn money... and he goes around spending money like water.

rich kid. *phuff*

tania @ 6:31 PM | |

horrible day.

i travelled more in my whole entire life than i did EVER... and i made so many wrong turns, and got lost... in EUNOS. damn it. y the hell are the roads so complicated over on the east side. piece of shit.

had project meeting from 3-7 at tampines mall. yes, TAMPINES. it's a hell hold honestly. but i can't believe that i actually saw a few people i knew. amazing huh. oh well... but seriously. i've never seen so many heartlanders in my whole entire life, and pls... i don't mean that in the dispising way.

gosh. i swear my group mates can be such a pain. honestly. how can she be so picky? every single thing she picks and picks and gripple and grapple. it's ridiculous.

but considering she did almost all the work and i just typed the report... i guess i have to kan her lian se.

who cares.

then i dropped by mama's place and wanted to get her cha siew bao but then crystal jade only have it in the morning. damn cantons... so in the end had to settle for grapes to bring down. shit lar... i told her i was coming like 5+ and i only came at 7+... poor thing man... she was waiting in the garden for me. shit lar... feel so bad.

resolution: spend more time with my grandparents. they have very little (ok, comparatively) less time here than any of my relatives... and u know how much i love them. guess it's better to treasure them now rather than when they're gone right.

yea... ok, then dropped by joyce's place to pass her her bday pressie. i know she hasn't exactly been around for me, but well... it's just a thought i guess. it's yi si yi si. spent some time talking to her and it was pretty nice.

then had to rush all the way to fetch pop from jurong. sigh... i become ahmad ready man... but guess that's the price of getting the car for the weekend. oh well...

all in all, my weekend was burnt. didn't do much except for my accounts. shit lar... and i'm really having really bad insomia. damn it. there's something really wrong with me.

GRR.

at least i'm still breathing... and not feeling like killing myself. but that feeling will come soon enough... in abt 3 weeks. haha...

ok, serious studying from this week onwards. focus.

F O C U S

tania @ 1:50 AM | |

i wrote a damn long entry. but it just didn't get published.

don't asked

pissed

tania @ 1:08 AM | |