just came back from "the passion" with pop. initially supposed to bring mummy and pop but mummy backed out in the end. urgh. fly my aeroplane. oh well...

the show was ... good? gory? bloody? ... hum... to me the show was a showcase of wat jesus did for me. gosh. i've always had a nice nice picture in my head of him being crucified, like smiling and all... and i always thought of "unto thy hands i commit my spirit" and "it is done" as Jesus smiling as He says those words. haha. how that has changed man. and everytime i comit myself to the cross, and come back to it and kneel at the cross, it was always a picture perfect moment. nothing like wat i've seen tonight.

tonight struck a cord. not a huge one, but a cord. the reason why i don't feel so much i feel it's that cos i've watched it so late. after everyone has watched it ready, after all the media has been hyped abt it, i watched it when i had the time, after my exams. and i guess after everyone keeps on telling me how bloody and gory it was, i guess i was mentally prepared and desensitised to it... i guess.

how to feel? i sat after the show stunned. pop was embrassing as usual. crap. he's a disgrace to public man... ah... but that's beside the pt. i wanted to bring him to show him wat Jesus did for us. how to feel??? hum... i guess watching how Jesus went through all of that for me? even though i wasn't born yet? i can brush the brutality aside by saying that it's all hollywood makeup, special effects, lights, cinematagrahy. but the essence is there. dying a death like that? hum...

and i was reflecting on wat pastor kong said during service, and was evaluating my faith. he said that there can only be 3 explaination for wat Jesus did. 1) Jesus is a liar 2) Jesus is a crazy man 3) Jesus is really God. yes, Jesus could have been a liar, lying that He is the son of God, lying that He is the messiah. but wld a liar have lied to that extent? to be crucified for a lie? to suffer so much torture for one lie? Nope, no man wld. next explaination wld be that Jesus was crazy. crazy to claim that He is God. but He doesn't sound like a crazy man, he speaks rational things, focuses, does miracles, and up to the last breadth, He spoke sanely. so He's not a crazy man. next alternative. He is God.

this i believe.

i just sometimes my faith wavers, sometimes i ask myself why i believe, why i bother going church and cell and serving ministry? but God has touched me in many ways that i can't run away from Him. i don't wanna be jonah.

and yet, if i choose to walk down this path with Him, that means that i'll be carrying the cross as well. but i guess this time it's Him helping me rather then me helping Him. i need His strength, His power and His will.

=the greatest love a person can have for his friends is to give His life for them=

amen

tania @ 12:55 AM | |