Sunday, February 27, 2005
yesterday was my first ever attending a whole day interview, and it's industrially known as "assessment day". why the name?
have u ever been in amsterdam along the streets of the red light area? there are those fish tanks which houses girls, and they're all just put on display right... well, that was exactly how it felt. i was in a fish tank, so small and minute to the whole world looking in... scrutinising my every move, harping on every single word i said.
impressing someone for half an hour to an hour at an interview is nothing. i'm perfectly good at first impressions. unless the first impression occurs outside phuture/zouk/velvet/winebar, then that's a whole diff issue. my halo effect has a life span of abt an hour, 2 hours max... then it starts fading away, eroding layer by layer until the person actually sees who i am, a self-caniving bitch who only cares abt herself and no one else.
it's hard to keep smiling for one whole day u know. there is only so much my lips can go north... sigh. isn't it hard to keep pretending u're someone u're not?
anyway, here's some stats... they received around 400 applicants, 80 got called for the video interview, and there were only 45 there yesterday at the last round... they are planning to chose 20-25 people, so i have like a 50% chance of getting in.
u know, it's not something that i want to do, but i never thought that getting picked and going through all these rounds wld be so tough! i can't believe the torture and the pain i take to prepare myself for each interview, and in the end, i just get rejected.
sigh. life is tough ain't it.
i am waiting for 3 calls next week. an offer from barclays, an interview with ubs, and an offer with credit suisse. credit suisse is just an internship, but i don't mind doing that while waiting to start work with whoever i get an offer from...
~*~
i am waiting for this coming week to be over. some things i know will come, and others i'm just not so sure when they'll come.
"how are u feeling?" he finally asked how i was doing. asked him out for a show last night but he was doing something, and i was too tired to go down walas and join addy as well.
"keep ur fingers crossed" was that the best he cld say to me? haha... of course i know he wishes that i get it, but oh well..... i don't know what else to say to him also lar...
why? why do i think i can do it all by myself? why can't i show him how i feel? that i really need him next to me at this pt of time when everything is so uncertain. i just want him to hold me and tell me everything's going to be alright. all he can offer is,
"don't think so much yea"
men. sigh.
