Tuesday, February 15, 2005
i am feeling somewhat better.
today someone commented that my phlegm looked smelly. and this comes from the guy that takes my tutorial and copy and goes up to the front of the class and presents and claims credit for it ok. so obviously i don't like him. and it doesn't make things better but telling me my phlegm looks smelly.
it's like saying, hey, u look like you have BO. it's not that i can smell it u know, it's cos u look like it.
smash his face.
i'm feeling pretty much better... not so much so that i can go mambo tom, but well enough to wear contacts and not feel that my eyes are going to burn through them or explode.
starting to get down to study. aiyoh. it seems like my life has much less distractions now and i can finally do things at my own time. it's pretty enjoyable. no tuition, no church commitments, no commitments period. haha... i'm a free bird.
didn't even realised that it was val day yesterday until i saw the trongs of pple in school walking in pairs, cuddling flowers inbetween them. aiyoh, grow up lar. buying flowers on val day is like falling into the trap of the money hungry florist who capitalises 50% of their yearly income on this single day.
but who am i to say. while half the world last night were orgasmically having sex, the other half obviously didn't and sat around bitching abt it.
guess which half i belonged to?!
anyway, it seems so long ago that i've been with someone... and it just takes a single day like this to remind me that i've been single for a pretty long time. now before i start to sound angry (i juz remembered i've got a bet to keep)... let me say that i am retrospectively reflecting...
i've realised that i've grown in the past 2 years. i've grown in ways as an individual that i'm sure that i wldn't have if i was attached to someone. let me explain.
being with someone is not all abt making ME happy. it's abt comprimising to get along. there have to be instances which u wld have to act of ur other's half interest rather than ur own to make both parties happy. and by doing so, u are in a way shortchanging or depriving urself of a better choice had u made it if u were alone.
so yes, i think i've grown in maturity being alone these past couple of years.
i've finally figured out who i am as an individual, and my sort of rough direction that i want to go. it's not that i've finally mapped out my life, cos well, nothing in life is certain, but i do have a rough plan in mind.
i've reflected on past relationships and found out where i've gone wrong and am working on those character flaws...
my hierarchy of values have somewhat inverted. friends don't seem as impt as they used to be. family has taken preceedence, and i've glad to say that i've grown closer to my family in the past 2 years.
i am much calmer now... i realised that life is short and i don't bear gruges anymore. yes, i still bitch abt life, but hey, once it's out of my system, it's out.
as a christian, i've grown too. not so much, no exponentially, but i have grown. still growing, a long way more, but not giving up.
so see, valentine's day ain't all abt being bitter and resentful abt being alone. there are pple out there who are looking on the bright side of things and purposfully reflecting on life.
