i realised that this blog is read by more people than i thought.


and it's only recently that i feel that i shld keep some private thoughts... well, private.


as such, i decided to keep a written diary. or rather, continue with my old one.


i fished it out from under my drawer and wanted to continue writing in it, but i flipped to the next empty page and i cldn't find one! haha... i checked the last dated entry and it was like 2 yrs ago.


gosh. has it been that long?


i started a new one then, in this really nice bk that i bought from bkk when i was there. it's this thai silk one, and it's really pretty. at least i'm making gd use of it now.


but before i started writing in that... i read my old one.


woah. times have changed.


things that i have promised and written in bold that i'll never do, i've done. things that i said i wld do, i didn't. and well... i think after reading wat i wrote 2 yrs ago, i really think that we do change as individuals over the years.


perhaphs when i'm reading this blog 2 yrs from now, everything wld be diff too. my piorities, my outset on life, my take on relationships, and i guess ultimately, my values.


yes, values do change. they are affected by the media, current affairs and most imptly, the people around u.


my values have indeed change.


i've read stuff i've written abt lg, jt, rt and kc... and i roll my eyes. was i ever that innocent and naive? how in the world did i ever imagine that i wld have a future with them, let around marry them?


i look at alex now and i scream at him for not studying... and yet, when i was his age, i did the same thing. puppy love, distractions, tv... i was there once, and yet, i'm giving him a hard time.


guess i have different standards.


but it amazes me to think of how much i've grown in the past 2 yrs. i've become wiser and fatter (i kept a monthly entry on my weight and vital stats)... but am i still the same person? wld someone still recognise me after 2 yrs and say, "some things don't change" or "u're totally not the tania i knew"


i wld like to think that i'm still the same person who values the same things over time. but i guess we all have to grow up.


i feel kinda dissappointed at the way i turned out. i mean, after reading all my ambitions and aspirations, i've come no where near that. i've fallen short of my own expectations and that's pretty sad if u ask me.


lawyer? nah. lost weight? not enough. found love? next question...


i can't wait to read what i wrote 2 yrs from now.

tania @ 2:28 PM | |