Friday, March 26, 2004
woke up late. damn. set my alarm for 8am- going to run... but then i woke up at 11, just nice for 12's game theory lec.
supposed to have lunch with my m&o group. but it somehow just ended up no one turned up. loittering in arts canteen talking with the gang and invited them to "the passion". surprisingly, kev and alvan just said yea they wanna go. woohoo! hopefully this will be a platform for me! i hope that God will touch them as well. have a few other friends on the top of my head, but will ask them when the time is right.
tuition. urgh... rachel's nice enough. but sometimes i think we talk more than we do work. which is bad. good for me actually cos i do less work for the same amt of money. haha. who cares. but i actually am getting attached to rachel. she's nice enough, mgs girl, friend of my SO many other friends. oh well. anyway, today's pay day. WOOHOO. enuff said.
got home, ate my usual plate of veg... realised that i didn't have anything the whole day, but arh... it was alright. then check movie times. was going out to watch a show but i really didn't feel like it...but oh well. nmind. turns out there was only scooby doo2. wat a cock show. but oh well. who cares.
anyway, hh came around 9.45 even though he said he'll come at 9.30. late as usual. in the end we decided that we won't going to catch a show, so we ended up chilling at embargo. it's been a long time since i had a lychee martini. mumm... yum. anyway, it was nice talking to him, we had common topics and the both of us can just crap. basically same wavelength i guess.
that's the thing abt me, i can talk to anyone and seem friendly enough. i wonder whether i'm too impressionable, too naive to talk to people abt anything. he actually asked me who are my friends... and then he asked me whether i had friends that when it came to the cruntch, wld i have ANY one to stand by me... and i had to think. i guess joyce, renyi would. addy? maybe. and then? that's all. i guess i don't really have much close friends...
that's the thing abt me, i like my indepence. i'm not the "eh, i'm going to the toilet, u wanna go" kind. i need my space, pretty much a loner, so i guess i choose to lead a un-friend-ly life. hahah. i mean, my family's there for me, church, and God... so i mean, i don't really need that many close friends... right?
and then we started talking abt r/ships. he got me talking abt kc... and hearing myself, i know i sound a tad bit bitter abt the r/ship. but still.... the only reason why i opened up to him was cos he finally talked abt his breakup. for the past few days it was just "i don't wanna talk abt it", "go away" mood. but today, while we were standing together at the s'pore river... he started telling me abt the breakup and how things where btw him and angie. i guess i can relate to him. but i guess he just needed a listening ear. so there i was, just listening.
this was the same spot rt and i stood years ago, even b4 the esplanade was up, even b4 there was anything near one fullerton. this was where he got down on bended knees and started singing to beg me back. and a few months later, this was where he chose su-lyn over me.
this was the same spot that kc and i stood, a year ago, where he told me that he loved me, that he can't promise me anything, but watever it is, we'll be friends. are we? wat are my feelings towards him now? i know i might sound bitter abt the whole thing but... i honestly did love him then.
this was the same spot where i lashed out at jing after finding out that she and kc had an affair behind my back. how can kc have feelings for jing when he was with me?! and how cld jing not have told me? and how cld she have told everyone else but me?! wat was that all abt?
and i think abt friends... what's the pt of having friends or bfs when in the end, nothing's written in stone? they'll turn on u sooner or later, so it's no pt. yea, i have seasonal friends, friends that i'm damn gum one moment, and not so the other. my family will always be there for me, and no matter how screwed up i can be, my mummy and daddy will always be there for me. so i'm starting to realise the importance of family. yes, they're the only ones that never leaves.
and as for joyce or ry ... i mean, i know joyce and i will ALWAYS be there for each other. maybe just not physically, but i know that i'll always be there for her, but i'm not too sure abt the other way. renyi? i mean, ry will always be there for me. but what happens once he gets another gf? how can i still be as close to him then? i wldn't wanna bother him too much then. and it wldn't be nice to his gf as well. i don't wanna be mistaken for some 3rd party man. no wayz.
so after a whole session of talking/reflecting on life, i came to the conclusion that... nothing's material. nothing will last forever. so wat's the pt? the one that i can honestly say that i loved more than life itself didn't feel the same way. maybe thinking abt it now, it might seem immature, or watever, but .... aiyar. i don't wanna think abt it anymore.
anyway, this is ONE thing that freaked me out.
i was talking abt kc and his sister, iorea (dunno how to spell) and then hh eyes opened REALLY really big. apparently allan ooi went out with a girl called iorea b4. WTF. ok, so hh go calls allan at like 2.30am... and asks what's iorea's surname... bloody hell. it's CHUA lor. HOW FREAKINGLY COINCIDENTAL CAN THAT GET?!!!
hh has officially named me his friendster central post.
oh well. and then he asked why i was single. hum... i've not met the right one... or maybe, i'm not even looking. judging by my past record, it seems that it doesn't work cos they're all jerks. my fault? how can it be my fault when they all left me for another? it's not as if i was so terrible that they had to look for love somewhere else. wth.
so maybe then it's me. maybe it's the "recruitment criteria" haha. maybe i didn't do the correct or appropriate character profiling, or my selection criteria is just skewed. oh well. i guess love will come one day. if not... well... guess i can always be one of those that will own like 100 cats or something.
COOL.
new word for today
RIGHT. word for tom.
BASICALLY, there's a new word everyday.
watever.
