Saturday, April 16, 2005
private entries
i realised that this blog is read by many many people... and, as much as i started this blog as a way to vent my anger and write my personal thoughts (otherwise i might really go crazy), it has now been something to just ramble on nonsense, or just trival daily stuff that are interesting to my readers.
and i realised that i'm subconsciously censoring my post, because i'm scared that that person i am bitching abt might come across it. well, i cld use code names, like Mr S or Mr R, but there are only 26 codes i can use in this instance, and i'm sure i'll get confused when i read back on it! haha. yea, i just have so many guys.
so that comes a dilema... i really want to write what i feel, but i'm scared abt the repercussions, and of course, i'm afraid of wat my friends who are reading it might think. look, we all want to be pure and holy, but i'm sure we're not.
we all have our deep dark secrets... some pple just have more than others
and i just want my own private space, an annoymous identity to write. who knows, i cld be the next sarong party girl, whose entries are so... real. i mean, there are pple like that in the world, and i bet the reason why she never mentions her name or post pics of her face is cos she's scared she'll get recognised, and what wld pple think then?
it's all nice and dandy when u're reading a blog that of someone. u don't judge the person, simply cos u don't know the person. sure, u might not agree with the way that she's living her life, but at least she's honest abt it. and at least she's writing it all down, rather than keeping it inside and exploding one day.
so that's me. i'm so afraid that if i don't voice out my opinions, my real uncut, uncensored views abt life, my bitching, and my deep dark secrets, i'm afraid that i'll go mad.
as it is, i'm already balancing myself on the brink of insanity, when i've gone through relationship after relationship, guy after guy who have challanged my will to remain sane. there must be something wrong with me for attracting pple like these. i totally have a sign on my head that says that.
so maybe i'll start another blog, maybe i'll try live journal... i heard that u an approved friend list to read it.
then maybe, i won't go insane... yet
