Tuesday, April 12, 2005
relationship woes
i've been doing alot of thinking on the bus lately, not cos SBS has made public transport such a condusive place for innovative thoughts, but rather, i think that's the only time i've got to think now adays.
i was looking at this couple on the bus, and their PDA, and i turned away in disgust. get a room can't u?! but as i thought more abt it, i realised i wasn't turning away because i was disgusted, but rather cos i was jealous... there i said it jealous.
yes, u see all these happy couples around u, and u can't help but wonder what's wrong with u that u can't get a bf in uni. hell, i've gone from RBR to main shelf to closed stack man... now, i'm just but a request item.
so it's not that i'm disgusted with their act of PDA, i mean, it wasn't anything too much, like they won't gropping or anything, but rather, those silly sa jiao that the girl wld do, or the kiss on the forehead kind. i think i looked away cos i didn't want to remind myself that i didn't have that.
as much as i study, as much as i get my As, get my dream job in an investment bank, make it big, drive my dream car, live in that condo penthouse, and as much as i am the envy of my friends, and as much as society thinks i've made it, i'm a success, i'm not.
i'm not complete until i find a guy that i can say "i'm his"
don't get me wrong, i'm all for women's independence and all, but hey, i'm a human after all, and i think that i need companionship, and someone to love me, and someone for me to love
as i'm thinking abt where i want to go on my grad trip, i realised that it really doesn't matter. no matter where i want to go, there won't be anyone who wld want to go with me. ok, i'm not such a loser lar, but all my gfs have their bfs, and if we were to go on a trip, the bfs wld come along too. and i don't wanna be a lightbulb. either that or some friends wanna go but have no money... etc.
basically, i want someone who's there for me, to do things with, and to share my life with. u live because u know that there's someone out there that's living because of u too.
i know that dampens my whole women power rara, but yea, that's what i honestly believe.
alvan said that i'm too choosy, and that i only go out with guys that are either rich or good looking. i tried to protest that, but he stood by his claims, and it was only on the bus that i found a good counter for him.
yes, it's true that all my previous ex-s are either rich, good looking or both, but it's just a coincidence. i did not go out with them cos of their money or their looks. it was cos of their personality.
but the fact that we broke up is cos we were not intellectually compatible. ok, i'm not saying that i'm a genius of einstein, but i need someone who can match my intellec, someone who i can have sustainable arguments erm, discussions with.
so that's why i'm still single.
i've not found someone that has tickled my intellectual funny bone, or has given me an intellectual orgasm (as used by jess).
i don't have high standards, or neither am i picky, i'm just... waiting.
