Saturday, September 03, 2005
all i've wanted
been too busy with work to update. work was horrible for the first 2 weeks, it was so bad to the pt that i really was considering out. but this week has been really good. been able to have approval everyday before 7pm, so that's really really great. things are starting to pick up since the re-engineering of the reporting process and the global-asia split.
anyway
hung and i are alright i guess. he was in beijing this week and i missed him for the first few days, and then i got used to not having him around. he's only back for the weekend, flying off on monday to shanghai and then going back switzerland 2 weeks after. his job entails alot of travelling, so i guess i have to be contented with a guy that's never around.
he's really sweet, and very doting, but there are a few things that bug me. there are a few things, some i can't actually write down because they wld reflect badly, making me a materialistic, shallow, self-centered bitch, but oh well, some other concerns i can voice or pen down.
we're so different. he asked me whether i'm scared, i don't actually think scared is the correct word. maybe apprehensive. how much can we talk abt or how far can we connect if we have nothing in common? we grew up in different continents, opposite culture and definately a different era all together. we're so different, that i feel sometimes that we are just not right for each other. i enjoy his conversation because they are so insightful, like i feel i'm back in paris all over again, strolling along the parisian sidewalks, or have a cafe chaud.
but what can i offer him?! what can a guy his age, want from me? (besides the obvious of course, all guys want thatregardless of age)
i just don't understand what he sees in me. i'm so different from him, very localised, and so narrow minded compared to him. i've lived in singapore my whole entire life. i've breathed, eat and slept singapore air for my entire life. my concept of the world, or life in general is so narrow one tracked. how can he possibly be attracted to someone like that?
of course i have other redeeming factors. d'uh, but i don't see why he's not attracted to other girls. i'm sure that there are many other singaporean girls out there that have my sense of quirky humour. i just don't get it... why me?
i don't say it like a bad thing, i mean well. but... u know what i mean.
another thing is how long is this going to last? or even, how long is he staying? i don't want to go through something and come out crying in the end.
hiyar. as he said, don't think too much. just take one step at a time.
i'm too tired to think abt these things. i just wanna sleep.
it's the weekend.
sleep. recharged. relax.
