Sunday, September 25, 2005
Revaluations
my bro left yesterday... it wasn't so much a teary goodbye as the previous 2 times, maybe i'm just getting better at saying good bye... but it was an alright one lar, i mean, i know it's part and parcel of life and i guess i just have to suck it in and spit it out.
i hate the airports. i never had an experience in the movies where u see a couple running forward and embracing each other. it's always a teary goodbye... but that was 3 years ago. some who had left came back already and some just have one more year. time flies no?
the last time i was at the airport with k, i felt so sad. i was thinking of the time i had to send him off when it was time for him to go study...and this time i was thinking the same abt hung. i mean, he has to go back someday. i don't envision him staying back in singapore just for me.
i'm starting to think whether this is what i really want... a serious relationship at the age of 21 with the prospect of getting settled and having kids in the next 5 years. what abt my dreams and hopes? can i do all that i want to do in the next 5 years?
i want to travel the world. ok, maybe not the whole world, but i wanna visit europe, the states... i want to work in the financial hubs in london and new york... i want to do my masters and work on the trading floor... can i achieve all these in the next 5 years?
and how abt my friends? i don't think i wld give up my life in singapore to settle in paris, or *gasp* vietnam. firstly, i don't speak the language, my spoken french is so minimalistic that i think a 3 year old can wld dis my french. how abt the support of my family and friends? how can i give that up?
sigh... i know i've thought of these before and forced them to the back of my head... but now that hung's been gone for the past week and going to be gone another week, the fairy tale mist is starting to clear and my feet are slowly touching the ground.
i am starting to think *shudders*
would this even work out? he looked at me once in the eyes and said, "you've got to trust me, otherwise this wld never work out"
it's not the i won't trust him. i believe him when he says he has feelings for me. but sometimes it's just circumstances that force people apart. but we'll see.
we'll see.
the girls and i at phuture a couple of fridays back. just didn't have the time to upload it!
