Saturday, March 12, 2005
today was fun... in a weird way.
this was the longest time i've ever spent with him alone, and of course the longest and most meaningful conversation that we had.
it's amazing, but i felt like i could tell him everything. and before i knew it, i told him everything... my past, my problems, almost everything! it was of course a two way exchange, and i was really feeling very comfortable with him.
i can't believe that this was the same guy that i used to like in yr 2. this was the same guy that i used to think abt alot, finding excuses to sms/call him and just talk to him... and it was of course the same guy that showed absolute no interest... it was his nonchalent attitude that made me want him more... it's like u always want something that u can't get. yes, the forbidden fruit tastes the sweetest...
i always thought i wasn't his type. i wasn't tall enough, or i wasn't thin enough... or he just didn't find me attractive enough... i did flirt with him in zouk or at clubs, but stopped short of actually telling him my true feelings. after a while, i just took it that he wasn't interested and left it at that.
but i never did tell him that i used to like him, or anything close to that remark... and just last week, he told me why. why he never liked me, or why he cldn't like me. it wasn't that he didn't like the things that i had, it was that he liked things that i didn't have.
that was his preference. and i was speechless. he told me when we were on the bus, sitting next to each other and making fun of each other. just poking fun at each other. it was just a casual remark... something that if i wasn't listening closely enough, i wld have missed it.
it took me a while to get it. and as the words started to sink in and make sense, i realised my mouth was wide open and i was just staring at him. not too good huh. i mean, what do u, or what can u respond to the guy that u used to like when he says to u,
"oh, by the way, i'm gay"
what can u actually say?!
now i know why he never responded to my advances. i don't know whether i shld be happy because he cldn't like and not that he didn't like me. i guess i just didn't have wat it takes to make him O so happy.
it's weird, but now that i know he's gay, we're much more open to each other, we talk abt more candid things and of course, exchange trade secrets. haha... and he has alot of secrets!! haha...
if u're reading this and wondering how come i never knew he was gay... i'm not stupid ok. he's not obvious. and besides, he just stepped out last year... and he intro-ed his bf to me today. now, if i met his bf, and didn't think he was gay, THEN u can call me stupid. but my friend... nah, it's not obvious.
anyway, we did have a short conversation on religion vs sexuality... and of course, what can u say to a gay guy? it's not that he doesn't have a religion... we were both brought up with the same beliefs... and he has given up on God. now, how are u supposed to respond to that?!
i think it's a very personal thing, and i just left it at that... didn't want to go all preachy... i'm not that holy myself.
oh well... today was fun lar... had great company and went shopping. finally got that mango bag and top that i've been trying to find all over the place. FINALLY. oh, and i cldn't resist, but i gave into temptation and got that ferragamo wallet. somebody slap me pls!
haha... ok. had a rather eventful week. it's really been fun. =)
