Monday, October 04, 2004
the illegal cell is planning an exodus.
i don't know how to feel abt that... initially i'm pretty on abt leaving. i take it as i'm not growing here, so i'm going somewhere else where i can grow... i don't look at it like i'm running away.
how?
everyone is torn between leaving and staying.
how can i leave, when i promised u last night that i'll follow the vision?
how can i leave, when my G12 lanyard fell from my shelf as i was talking abt leaving.
i know i'm not growing, but that's cos i'm not doing anything. true, there must be seasons of giving and taking, but i just don't know wat to do anymore.
i wish things cld be as easy as u zapping me with wat u want me to do.
i don't know. i really don't know.
why have things been so complicated? y have some of us come to challenge the vision as we have now. wat's wrong with us? are we just doing this cos we're unhappy? or is there a greater reason?
SWW saw people vomitting, throwing fits, being possesed. damn that was scary, i shld have been there. i don't believe in this until i see it, but WOAH, i'll be damn scared if i do man. but i want to see it.
i want to see the reality of things. i want to see something that i can fight. i want to know that i'm on the winning side.
why do i believe? cos i'm weak? cos i need someone to turn to, to make things right?
i'm confused. thoughts are rushing through my head and it's causing me such a headache, and heartache as well.
i don't know wat to do.
zap me won't u?
