Wednesday, June 30, 2004
i am feeling depressed.
don't ask y, i just am. i really am going into a bout of depression. and it doesn't help that i'm working crazy hours every day... sigh...
and it DOESN'T help that i'm fat. yes i am. i'm P-H-F-A-T. sigh. i'm those super mama fat kind. sigh. depressed. i have an ass so big that i have take up 2 MRT seats, and taxi drivers are charging me for spoiling their suspension. sigh.
i'm depressed.
i walked past this slimming center today and i swear that i was honestly going to get a package. if it wasn't for that the consultant wasn't there... i wld have really gotten the package. i know it's really retarded and materialistic and superficial,.. but hey, it's not as if i was always this fat lard rolling around. i was once a really thin person. and that was the most part of my life.
i've been thin for 16 years and fat for 5 years and counting. damn it. my genes must be thin cos i've been thin longer than i've been fat... right? oh well... but then when i look at my mum... i think i really can't escape the fat genes. damn it.
i can comfort myself by telling myself that it's wat's on the inside that counts. but who am i kidding? comon... that's bullshit. there is no way that people won't be nicer to u if u're less fat, or less pimply. when u're pretty, people generally treat u nicer. it's a fact of life.
let's be candid.
when i had the humongous red rudolf nose... comon... i had STARES. people took 2 glances cos they cldn't believe that christmas had come early. damn it. wat's wrong with the world.
what's wrong with me?
sigh... i'm really depressed.
it's the kind where i wanna crawl under the table and cry, just to be alone by myself. and i only wanna come out when i feel better, or when i have to get out.
sigh
