Friday, July 29, 2005
autarkic & embargo-ish
ever wondered what the title of my blog meant? or why i ever chose these words for my title?
au·tar·ky or au·tar·chy ( P ) Pronunciation Key (ôtärk)n. pl. au·tar·kies or au·tar·chies
1)A policy of national self-sufficiency and nonreliance on imports or economic aid.
2)A self-sufficient region or country.
em·bar·go ( P ) Pronunciation Key (m-bärg)n. pl. em·bar·goes
1)A government order prohibiting the movement of merchant ships into or out of its ports.
2)A prohibition by a government on certain or all trade with a foreign nation.
3)A prohibition; a ban: an embargo on criticism.
i was doing a module on the trading policies between country, Internation Economics, and that's when i started blogging. these 2 words, used in the context of countries, are very 2 different things. one is a sulf sufficient country, and the other - laws or restictions.
and that was how i was feeling at that time, i felt self sufficient enough to survive, like i didn't need someone else to depend on, and i didn't have to someone else to make me whole. and i had embargos in place. i was selective on the people that i hung out with or allowed them to get close to myself.
do i still feel that way?
i stumbled across some pictures today. and the feeling of helplessness just swept over me. ok, perhaphs helplessness ain't such a good word to use. maybe a tug at the heart? it was a picture that i stared hard at, just waiting for some sort of feelings to sink in. maybe i was numb, i don't know... it's bittersweet - glad that he was happy, and yet sad that his brilliant smile wasn't caused by me.
i know it's been a long time, and i've moved on, but it's just somehow that i will always have a soft spot for him. i guess it's always something abt ur first love eh?
so do these 2 words still describe me? i believe so. or maybe that's the front i put up, so that no one will see my shallowness, my emptiness, and my insignificance.
**this is obviously one of those times when i'm in those kind of moods**
