Friday, November 05, 2004
i have no passion, no drive.
i know u are there, but perhaps i'm taking u for granted... or wait, are u even there?
maybe i've been brought up in a sheltered home, loving family, that i don't have that hunger for love. i've always had a father's love... and life to me is really a bed of roses.
yes, who cares if i didn't manage to wake up in time for the mango sale, or i am abit tubby, these things are immaterial. i have the basics in my life, and as such, i'm spoilt.
yes, i said it. i'm spoilt.
not even having or needing to lift a finger at home, i go abt life as it owes me a living, that i am the princess that pple shld bow to. and wat are my responsibilities? i just need to study. that's it.
that's what's required of me. and can i even do that?
"you have never been poor. u don't know wat it feels like. u'll never know what i went through to be wat i am today."
i guess. but then again, u brought me up this way, w/o a hunger, w/o drive.
so maybe that's why i go through life, esp on sat 5-8, just sitting there, not feeling anything.
yes, i am there physically, but mentally?
i need to know my purpose. why am i here, what do u want me to do. i need a direction, a goal so i can work my way towards it, to make life worth living.
i look at angie and rui and yes, i envy them. at least they found the other half that believes so strongly in the same things. sigh. and in that sense, the edify each other rather than pull each other down.
what do i have? my faith alone is not strong, as much as i belive, i don't obey.
so how now?
i always had a choice. that was how i was designed. i can choose a few options i guess:
1. eat the apple and be oblivious abt being naked
2. eat the apple and go find some leaves to cover myself3. eat the apple and walk out of the garden
4. don't eat the apple.
now everyone knows i'm no good at multiple choices. damn, i failed 2 tests!
oh, sidenote, i redid my accounting paper to pratice, and guess wat, i got 9 out of 25. brilliant. an improvement of... 2 marks. i'm good.
urgh
